“I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he’d eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.” — from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

Wow. You have got to feel bad for Kaitlin Corcoran. She’s got identity issues; she’s unclear on what her middle name is. She’s dating two guys at the same time, and they both have drastic problems with their anatomy. And she feels the need to tell me — a complete stranger — all about it. See for yourself.

David Vincent Gagne says:
you know what’s obnoxious?
ebay
ebay is retardo
they email me when I have LOST an auction

David Vincent Gagne says:
why the #$@* would I want an email like that?

a.friend says:
i don’t even have the energy to talk abt why I hate ebay
they send you might want to bid on ….

David Vincent Gagne says:
why the hell don’t they email me ten minutes BEFORE it’s over if I’m not in the lead?
THAT would be useful

a.friend says:
they should do that
yes
next time I see you I will tell you what happened with us
we were managing an ebay store for a client
we had 54k in products online

David Vincent Gagne says:
or at the very least they should have an “Add to Outlook” link on every item so you can store a reminder in your calendar

a.friend says:
they shut off the store

David Vincent Gagne says:
wow
what were they selling?

a.friend says:
dental supplies
everything was kosher
i will tell you in person

David Vincent Gagne says:
jewish dental supplies?

a.friend says:
i mean, it wasn’t black market

David Vincent Gagne says:
there’s your problem, dude

a.friend says:
we had invoices

David Vincent Gagne says:
NOBODY but NOBODY lets you deal in jewish dental supplies

Beware the Aryan Bear Brotherhood.

Retired Gen. George Washington Criticizes Bush’s Handling Of Iraq War (via BrainLog)

A week or two ago I linked to a video clip my friend made: Casino Royale with Cheese, a seriously funny film about how James Bond would handle being paired with a really annoying partner. It’s a great little piece of web satire that’s now been nominated at the MTV Movie Awards! Go vote for it!

Casino Royale with Cheese

Great stuff from Ernie: Mister Wong, the Offensive Social Bookmarking Portal

I saw this sign on A1A in Daytona Beach while driving back from my grandmother’s wake. It’s the kind of thing she would have thought was pretty damn funny.

I really can’t think of a better name for a “gentlemen’s club” on the ocean.

Commissioner Bud Selig announced Tuesday the discovery that Hall of Famer Hank Aaron had in fact accumulated 50 previously unaccounted-for home runs … bringing his once record total of 755 to an even higher 805 and putting the all-time home-run record perhaps forever out of reach.

What is an appropriate metaphor for Dick Cheney?

Colbert: Dick Cheney is a lioness protecting America’s cubs from the laughing hyenas of the left while the poachers of internationalism sharpen their guns … knives.

Penn: Dick Cheney is the spinster left at the altar looking out her dirty window at the happy lives of the laughing girls in their calico prints, knowing that her only pleasure will be the evening bath she draws from the moisture of George Bush’s soiled and blood-soaked underwear.

from Sean Penn v. Stephen Colbert in a Meta-Free-Phor-All

Vote Nathan Petrelli for Congress

From mefi: The 15 Most Outrageous Claims in Pop Music History. Hilarity abounds.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback scores again with 2010: The Mock Draft.

At some point in your life, you’re going to be asked to find a bat stretcher. This is a terrific story.

I’ve gone through this experience myself, so I know the feeling. It happened to me while I was loading trucks on the midnight-to-ten shift for Old Dominion Freight Lines. One of the dock managers told me that I had about 30 feet worth of furniture to load onto a 28-foot trailer, and that I’d better find a trailer stretcher in time to get the truck on the road.

I’m also ashamed to admit that I’ve done this to every new guy at almost every place I’ve ever worked. At Infosearch Media we told junior tech support guys to find a cable stretcher. When I worked for Regeneration Technologies we told fresh meat that we had to find bone stretchers. When I rowed for Florida Crew we told the rookies that the only way they’d get to sit in a boat was if they found a rigger stretcher. Even at Subway we used to tell kids that the sandwiches were too short and they had to go grab a bread stretcher.