I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late.

Rescue Me on DirecTV FXHD

Let’s get something straight right now: Denis Leary’s Rescue Me is the best show on television. Heroes is pretty damn good, but since Friday Night Lights jumped the shark and West Wing ended years ago, Rescue Me is the current champ. A few seasons ago I had some problems getting my DVRs to record the […]

Elevator Warning


The Douche Hat

The chapeau pictured here has become pathetically popular in Los Angeles lately. For a year or so we referred to it as The K-Fed, but now we just call it The Douche Hat. (This should not be considered a compliment.) Even K-Fed hardly ever is seen in public donning it these days, it’s become so […]

Hacked Checking Account

Well, it’s finally happened. After over a decade of using the Internet for 10+ hours/day, someone has attempted to steal my identity. I went to my Washington Mutual online checking account to review my balance this morning and discovered a dozen charges that were most certainly not made by me (or my wife). Someone using […]

Cotner and Santa Monica

In keeping with Obama’s new “Era of Responsibility”, I’m going to start a new recurring feature here at davidgagne.net. I was thinking of naming it “Assholes Who Refuse to Pay Attention to Traffic Signs”, but I think instead I’ll just go with the name of the intersection. Since I am forced to take the same […]

iTunes Plus

I like the idea of iTunes Plus. DRM is lame and so ’90s. So the fact that Apple is now allowing me to get DRM-free tracks is great. But why in the world do they insist I upgrade my entire library in one fell swoop? I’m not going to shell out $200 for music I’ve […]

J.Crew Follies

I am astounded by how bad the J.Crew website is. The .jsp filenames indicate that the site is Java. It is tragically slow and the senseless implementation of AJAX makes it near impossible to use. It’s almost 2009! How can there be so many horrible shopping cart systems on the ‘net? And for such a […]

Sexual Harassment Training

Alexander McPherson, a professor of molecular biology and biochemistry at UC Irvine’s school of biological sciences, wrote a bitchin’ letter to the LA Times on the subject of sexual harassment training. This is a must-read for anyone that has a brain. As far as I can tell from my colleagues, it is worthless, a childish […]

This Makes No Sense

That was the clock in 2007, now it needs another digit. (Note: Not a joke, now it needs another digit.) It took the United States 209 years, from the founding of the republic till 1998, to compile the first $5 trillion in national debt. In the decade since, $6 trillion in debt has been added. […]

Hockey Moms and Pit Bulls

I was all fired up last night about “clean coal” after watching Palin’s speech at the RNC. Obama also talked about “clean coal” in his speech last week, and it seriously bothered me. There is no such thing as “clean coal”, kids. But nobody that listened to the two nominees is talking about that. What […]

Not-So-Ancient Games

BMX? Men’s BMX and Women’s BMX? Water Polo? Volleyball? Beach Volleyball? Badminton? Table Tennis? Kayaking? Basketball? Field Hockey? Trampoline? Race Walking? Look. I know that Ping-Pong Table Tennis and Synchronized Swimming have been in the Olympics for a long time. That doesn’t mean they need to remain in the Olympics. Can’t we just all agree […]

Whether or Not

The words or not never follow the word whether. That’s it. That’s the rule. Whether implies or not. You don’t ever need to say both of them. The words or not should never be spoken. (They should certainly never be written.) Whether implies “or not”. Get it?

Microsoft Money and a Mac

In which I go on a long and detailed rant about the preposterous lack of adequate personal financial management software for the Mac

iPhone 3G Bluetooth

It takes four actions to enable Bluetooth on the new iPhone. Click “Settings”. Click “General”. Click “Bluetooth”. Click on/off slider. Leaving Bluetooth enabled all the time drains the battery much too quickly, so it makes sense to only enable it when you are using it, and to disable it when you are finished. (The same […]

Natural American Spirit Cigarettes

In addition to one of the standard Surgeon General’s Warnings, packs of Natural American Spirit cigarettes are labeled: Made with 100% additive-free, whole leaf, natural tobacco. No reconstituted sheet tobacco. No processed stems. Up to 25% more tobacco than other king size cigarettes. All of that would, in some convoluted way, probably lead a smoker […]

Cell Phone Spam

I have gotten over a dozen phone calls today from (949) 374-5125 and (208) 650-4253. I had been answering the phone on the first or second ring and there would be nobody there. At first I assumed it was just some moron repeatedly calling the wrong number. But just now a call from the first […]

Los Angeles Superior Court

On May 1, 2008 I received a traffic citation while driving approximately 5mph in the middle of a bottleneck on Sunset Boulevard. A motorcycle cop driving between the lanes was stuck next to me because the guy in the other lane had drifted too close to my lane. He looked at me and nodded. I […]

Gay Marriage

There was a story this morning about gay marriage on LA’s 89.3 KPCC. I was infinitely more offended by the fact that reporter Kelly Wilkinson pronounced the word “rural” as “rurl” and the word “unfamiliar” as “unfermiliar” than I was about any part of the gay rights argument.

The Seam and the Hole

When the barista at Starbucks handed me my coffee this morning, the hole in the lid was directly over the seam in the cup. This, I have come to learn, is a recipe for disaster. If the hole is within a centimeter of the seam you are almost guaranteed to experience “coffee drip” on your […]

Elevator Idiots

There is an elevator in my building. It is often broken. It is often being repaired. The most recent time it was “fixed”, the brainiacs that run the building installed a new, helpful sign. The sign reads, “In the event the elevator becomes inoperable, do not become alarmed. Press the red ‘Alarm’ button.” Let’s ignore […]