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The college football homepage at ESPN reads “Saturday Bloody Saturday”. Then it says, “Auburn beat Florida. The SEC body count is complete. On every given Saturday, someone loses in the Bloody South.” It goes on to state, “In the end, that merciless SEC claimed another victim as Florida became the fourth team ranked No. 2 in the AP Top 25 to lose this season, joining Texas, Notre Dame and Auburn.”

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Gainesville is abuzz these days as the 5-0 Florida Gators embark on a huge October. The fifth-ranked Gators will be tested with showdowns throughout the month. Now the slate has gotten even more challenging. Today coach Urban Meyer announced that Florida has added an October 21 matchup with the Chicago Bears to the schedule.

Los Angeles’ TimeWarner cable — previously known as Adelphia — is rotten. It is quite possibly the worst cable company in America. Two years ago they dropped the ESPN Gameplan, so there was no way for me to watch the Gators unless I hauled my butt over to Westwood to catch them at the UGA bar on the UCLA campus or drove way, way the hell down to Tony P’s in Marina Del Rey. The cable at my home was spotty — when it was alive at all — for almost all of August, and the internet connection was down more often than it was up. When they decided to drop the NFL Network at the start of football season this year, it was the straw that broke this camel’s back. I switched to satellite. DirecTV, baby. It rocks. If you are a football fan, you must switch. I’m telling you. I don’t say this lightly. I am getting every single NFL game every weekend. I can watch every college game I want. I’m getting all the premium stations — HBO, CineMAX, Showtime, etc. — plus about three times more channels than I ever got with cable. I didn’t even have to pay for the dish or the receivers or the installation! And I’m saving $80/mo! Don’t be a slave to crappy cable! Switch now!

And now for some random Sunday afternoon NFL thoughts:

• Okay. the new ref uniforms look lame. I don’t hate them, but … they just don’t seem right.
• One word about the Vikings’ cheerleaders: Whoa.
• Kudos to FOX for using the Jane’s Addiction classic “Jane Says” during a commercial comeback.
• Chicago @ Minnesota = Rex Grossman @ Brad Johnson = UF @ FSU. Awesome.
• Has FOX always had the down and distance arrows in the color of the team with possession? Very cool.
• Peter from the Family Guy just rules.
• Peyton Manning is apparently in every single commercial on television. The thing is, I can’t complain. He’s funny.
• I dig the Steve Young Samsung commercial. “Watch the safety blitz!” heh.
• I also dig the Circuit City commercial with the wife saying, “I promise to only watch football on Sunday. And Saturday. And Monday. And sometimes Thursday.”
• What is up with the crazy robots on FOX? They’ve been doing it for years, and I just don’t get it.
• NFL player jerseys must be made of some sort of 22nd century kevlar carbon titanium NASA fabric. If someone grabbed one of my shirts like that it would rip instantaneously. Those things stretch like nobody’s business. I watched seven college games yesterday (not including highlights) and saw at least five jerseys and one pair of pants shredded to pieces. Does the NCAA disallow the use of space-age garment technology?
• THE TOSS SWEEP NEVER WORKS! Why do coaches insist on calling this ridiculous play on short yardage downs? You’re throwing the ball backwards!
• There are 8 minutes left in the Cardinals / Rams game, I can’t stand Kurt Warner, the Cardinals are down by nine, and I’m rooting for them.
  Update: Bulger just fumbled the handoff at the two-minute warning. Ha!
  Update 2: And now Warner fumbled. Pathetic.
• “Football Night in America” is a tragically poor name for a highlight show. And just who is Bob Costas blackmailing to continually get on television? The guy seriously takes everything with too large a pinch of melodrama. One of the reasons we love Madden so much is because he knows — just like we do — that football is really a silly game. Sure, it’s life and death and the players are gods amongst men and it’s a multi-billion dollar industry and America’s passion … but you have to just love the absurdity of it all, like John does. Chill out, Bob. (Note: At least he’s got Collinswoth and Bettis as some sort of comic relief.)
• When Bobbo was interviewing Carson Palmer, the subtitle under the Bengals QB read “Pittsburgh”. The subtitle underneath Costas was “30 Rock”. Is this some sort of attempt to make NBC’s NY studios cool? It doesn’t work.
• I cannot wait to see the Saints and the Falcons tomorrow night.
• WTF? Bucs’ QB Chris Simms just had his spleen removed?! What the hell happened? How was this not mentioned until a half hour into the late game?!
• With about three minutes left in the game, Al said that next week’s contest at Cincy would be a real “litmus test” for the Patriots. Apparently getting crushed on your own field by a team that’s had your number five out of the last six times you’ve played isn’t a test.
• James Brown noted that Carson Palmer had a “plethora” of weapons at his disposal. Go, JB.

Akron beat the Wolfpack. Tennessee almost drops one to Air Force. FSU has to rally to beat Troy. Spurrier is held scoreless. Texas’ offense plays like a wounded quail. I don’t even know where to begin. One thing is certain: The best team in the country didn’t take the field this weekend. I know Ohio State. I’ve watched Ohio State. Ohio State is no USC. And FSU does not deserve to be in the top ten right now. Come on. Troy?

Here’s how I’d have ‘em ranked after just watching UT fold like a cheap suit. The Week 2 AP and USA/Today rankings are noted.

1. USC [AP 3, USA 3]
2. Auburn [4, 4]
3. Florida [7, 7]
4. Ohio State [1, 1]
5. LSU [8, 8]
6. Notre Dame [4, 5]
7. West Virginia [6, 5]
8. Georgia [12, 11]
9. Michigan [10, 13]
10. Texas [2, 2]

So it took me 33+ years, but I have finally started golfing. I am a complete and total idiot for not listening to the dozens of friends that have been trying to convince me to play for the last ten years. It is amazing fun and paralyzingly addictive. I played for the first time in January of this year at my friend Kelly’s 40th birthday party on the Balboa Golf Course in Encino, CA. At the end of January my dad had some business in Vegas and he flew me there for the day to play the Las Vegas Golf Club. I’ve played about 10 or 15 rounds since then and am hooked.

In early June dad had another business trip on my coast and we played a municipal course in Chula Vista, CA, where my grandfather lives. Dad gave me a set of his old clubs while I was there and I bought a slick Nike bag to hold ‘em. The next day we played with Guy Denniston, the president of American West Worldwide Express, at Tijeras Creek in Rancho Santa Margarita. A few days later dad was here in LA and we played the Malibu Country Club with Kelly and Eric Clarke, the president of Four Truckers (photo).

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Somewhere between Mile 22 and Mile 23 my body decided that it had had quite enough of my shenanigans. I truly do not know where I found the mental effort it took to convince my knees that they were not in excruciating pain. But I did. After a three-minute tug-of-war with my muscles won — incrediby — by my mind, I was able to resume my by-then plodding pace and finish in a very acceptable 5:46:07.

The unsung MVP of professional football? It’s IT. Analysis systems let teams archive stats and digital video from every game.

Despite a growing public revulsion and overwhelming bi-partisan political support, a few members of Congress — notably Texas Republican Congressman Henry Bonilla — have managed to stall federal legislation to outlaw horse slaughter.

I haven’t written anything meaningful in a while, so why start now? Here’s some quick notes from me, because I know you care.

1. The poll question on ESPN’s college football page is, “Who will win Saturday’s showdown in South Bend?” As of quarter-past eleven Sunday night, 58% of the voters are picking Notre Dame. As much as I love Weis’ Wunderkids, as much as I love an underdog, as much as I loved Rudy, as much as I love a good upset, and as much as I would love someone to take down the Trojans … I live in LA. I get to watch USC every week. USC is ridiculously good. USC is better than Florida was in 95-96, and that’s a tough thing to admit. USC is going to beat the tar out of Notre Dame.
2. In Her Shoes is a terrific movie. It’s well-written, the acting is superb, the soundtrack is good, the plot is lovely, and you get to see a lot of Cameron Diaz skin.
3. If you are not winning by more than a touchdown with less than a minute on the clock, do not fool yourself into thinking you’ve beaten the Patriots.
4. A History of Violence is bad. It is pathetically bad. It is painfully bad. The plot is actually pretty darn good. The acting, writing, soundtrack, editing, and hell even the title fonts are wretched. I am seriously considering writing William Hurt and Viggo Whatsisname and asking for $21.50. Spend an hour and a half picking up dog crap around your neighborhood rather than seeing it.
5. Grey’s Anatomy is almost as good as West Wing.

This week’s Tuesday Morning Quarterback includes a delicious link to college football’s funniest fight song. It also includes the best football commentary on the web, and a little bit about that lovable V’Ger, from the first Star Trek movie.

There’s an excellent excerpt from ESPN College Football Encyclopedia: The Complete History of the Game on the ESPN site right now. It’s the story of how the BCS was born and the history of the college football polling system. Go read it!

Remember the bad calls in last year’s big game?

The Southeastern Conference official who received death threats after a controversial penalty in last year’s Florida-Tennessee game has been removed from Saturday’s rematch, Florida Today reported.

Moreau made the personal foul call on Florida receiver Dallas Baker in the closing moments of Tennessee’s 30-28 win in Knoxville last year.

Officials also mistakenly stopped the clock after the penalty with 55 seconds remaining. The miscue gave the Volunteers more time to set up James Wilhoit’s game-winning, 50-yard field goal with six seconds to play.

“Herrion was 6-foot-3, 310 pounds — fairly average for an NFL lineman, but considered obese within standards routinely accepted by the medical community.”

from extendedabstract.com’s rejected letter to the editor of the UMass Daily Collegian

We can immediately think of some great chants for athletic events like “Go Hogs, Go Hogs, Go Hogs.” We could even use our arms while we chant to simulate the closing of the clam shell - much like the Florida Gators do. And finally you could do great graphics with an animated clam with big googly eyes and a mean face. Everyone would proudly wear sweatshirts with a simple “Q” on the front with the attitude that if you have to ask, you wouldn’t understand.

The Fighting Quahogs would be the talk of the sports world.

But regardless of all this, if you are honest, you just know that the arrival of the Gray Wolves on campus would be greeted with a resounding yawn. It might as well be a husky. You wouldn’t tell your friends, you wouldn’t buy the shirt or hat or banner. You wouldn’t go and howl at the basketball game. Jim Rome wouldn’t even talk about it on the radio. But the Quahogs, or Fighting Quahogs, or Killer Quahogs you know would be the talk of the sports world, random people would want our merchandise, and you would enthusiastically cheer on our teams with “CO-HOGS, CO-HOGS.” You would even go to the concession and buy a clam roll. It’s the total package.