sports

So it took me 33+ years, but I have finally started golfing. I am a complete and total idiot for not listening to the dozens of friends that have been trying to convince me to play for the last ten years. It is amazing fun and paralyzingly addictive. I played for the first time in January of this year at my friend Kelly’s 40th birthday party on the Balboa Golf Course in Encino, CA. At the end of January my dad had some business in Vegas and he flew me there for the day to play the Las Vegas Golf Club. I’ve played about 10 or 15 rounds since then and am hooked.

In early June dad had another business trip on my coast and we played a municipal course in Chula Vista, CA, where my grandfather lives. Dad gave me a set of his old clubs while I was there and I bought a slick Nike bag to hold ‘em. The next day we played with Guy Denniston, the president of American West Worldwide Express, at Tijeras Creek in Rancho Santa Margarita. A few days later dad was here in LA and we played the Malibu Country Club with Kelly and Eric Clarke, the president of Four Truckers (photo).

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Somewhere between Mile 22 and Mile 23 my body decided that it had had quite enough of my shenanigans. I truly do not know where I found the mental effort it took to convince my knees that they were not in excruciating pain. But I did. After a three-minute tug-of-war with my muscles won — incrediby — by my mind, I was able to resume my by-then plodding pace and finish in a very acceptable 5:46:07.

The unsung MVP of professional football? It’s IT. Analysis systems let teams archive stats and digital video from every game.

Despite a growing public revulsion and overwhelming bi-partisan political support, a few members of Congress — notably Texas Republican Congressman Henry Bonilla — have managed to stall federal legislation to outlaw horse slaughter.

I haven’t written anything meaningful in a while, so why start now? Here’s some quick notes from me, because I know you care.

1. The poll question on ESPN’s college football page is, “Who will win Saturday’s showdown in South Bend?” As of quarter-past eleven Sunday night, 58% of the voters are picking Notre Dame. As much as I love Weis’ Wunderkids, as much as I love an underdog, as much as I loved Rudy, as much as I love a good upset, and as much as I would love someone to take down the Trojans … I live in LA. I get to watch USC every week. USC is ridiculously good. USC is better than Florida was in 95-96, and that’s a tough thing to admit. USC is going to beat the tar out of Notre Dame.
2. In Her Shoes is a terrific movie. It’s well-written, the acting is superb, the soundtrack is good, the plot is lovely, and you get to see a lot of Cameron Diaz skin.
3. If you are not winning by more than a touchdown with less than a minute on the clock, do not fool yourself into thinking you’ve beaten the Patriots.
4. A History of Violence is bad. It is pathetically bad. It is painfully bad. The plot is actually pretty darn good. The acting, writing, soundtrack, editing, and hell even the title fonts are wretched. I am seriously considering writing William Hurt and Viggo Whatsisname and asking for $21.50. Spend an hour and a half picking up dog crap around your neighborhood rather than seeing it.
5. Grey’s Anatomy is almost as good as West Wing.

This week’s Tuesday Morning Quarterback includes a delicious link to college football’s funniest fight song. It also includes the best football commentary on the web, and a little bit about that lovable V’Ger, from the first Star Trek movie.

There’s an excellent excerpt from ESPN College Football Encyclopedia: The Complete History of the Game on the ESPN site right now. It’s the story of how the BCS was born and the history of the college football polling system. Go read it!

Remember the bad calls in last year’s big game?

The Southeastern Conference official who received death threats after a controversial penalty in last year’s Florida-Tennessee game has been removed from Saturday’s rematch, Florida Today reported.

Moreau made the personal foul call on Florida receiver Dallas Baker in the closing moments of Tennessee’s 30-28 win in Knoxville last year.

Officials also mistakenly stopped the clock after the penalty with 55 seconds remaining. The miscue gave the Volunteers more time to set up James Wilhoit’s game-winning, 50-yard field goal with six seconds to play.

“Herrion was 6-foot-3, 310 pounds — fairly average for an NFL lineman, but considered obese within standards routinely accepted by the medical community.”

from extendedabstract.com’s rejected letter to the editor of the UMass Daily Collegian

We can immediately think of some great chants for athletic events like “Go Hogs, Go Hogs, Go Hogs.” We could even use our arms while we chant to simulate the closing of the clam shell - much like the Florida Gators do. And finally you could do great graphics with an animated clam with big googly eyes and a mean face. Everyone would proudly wear sweatshirts with a simple “Q” on the front with the attitude that if you have to ask, you wouldn’t understand.

The Fighting Quahogs would be the talk of the sports world.

But regardless of all this, if you are honest, you just know that the arrival of the Gray Wolves on campus would be greeted with a resounding yawn. It might as well be a husky. You wouldn’t tell your friends, you wouldn’t buy the shirt or hat or banner. You wouldn’t go and howl at the basketball game. Jim Rome wouldn’t even talk about it on the radio. But the Quahogs, or Fighting Quahogs, or Killer Quahogs you know would be the talk of the sports world, random people would want our merchandise, and you would enthusiastically cheer on our teams with “CO-HOGS, CO-HOGS.” You would even go to the concession and buy a clam roll. It’s the total package.

“Suspended Florida State quarterback Wyatt Sexton was taken to a Tallahassee hospital on Monday evening by local police after causing a disturbance in the street, then identifying himself to police as ‘God’ and the ’son of God.’
Sexton was not arrested.”

Hey, Florida Crew Alumni! One of the current rowers, Kerri Riva, is attempting to find everyone. If you used to row for UF, drop her a line and let her know how to find you. Hell, drop me a line and let me know how to find you. (I highly doubt she’s trying to get anyone back into a boat. It took me 30min to pull a pathetic 6531m tonight. Check the sidebar of this page to see how I’m doing …)

Coca-Cola has been on sale at UF for four decades and was the only line of soft drinks available for the past six years. But soon Coke will no longer be the real thing on the University of Florida campus.

“Florida has signed an exclusive 10-year agreement with Pepsi Bottling Group in a deal that could bring more than $27 million to the university.

I can’t imagine getting a Pepsi at a Gator game. It’s sacrilegious. Who the hell wants a “Jack and Pepsi”?

So I had a bit of a bug on Saturday and spent most of the day in a deep Alka Seltzer Plus-induced sleep. At one point I awoke to find a curious message on my answering machine. A little kid somewhere in the San Bernardino area code called with a get-well message for Eric Gagne, the Dodgers pitcher. “I’m your biggest fan,” he said, “and I hope your leg gets better really soon.”

I considered calling him and pretending to be the dominant closer, but (a) I have no idea what Eric Gagne sounds like, how he talks, or what in the world you’d say to a kid that thinks you’re a hero and (b) I feared that since he’s sort of close to LA, he might have a classmate or something that does know Eric, and then I’d get the kid or the pitcher in hot water with a lie …

It would be tragic if I was to pretend to be someone I’m not and then have him brag to all his friends and get busted for it. So I just hoped that someday the kid gets to catch a pop fly at a game, that Eric’s leg is on the mend, and then hit delete.