astrology

Here is my [disturbing] horoscope for today:

An unannounced change of plans leaves you holding the bag. Your level of dignity is the true measure of your strength. Assume that others care, even when their sympathies aren’t forthcoming.

Here is my [kinda scary] horoscope for today:

Emotional responses are true to your heart but may be inappropriate in certain situations. There is no need to take everything quite so personally. An explosion could injure innocent people.

Here is my [strangely aquatic] horoscope for today:

Now that your position is secure, you can be more genuine in your dealings with others. The new Pisces Sun floods your week with an extra dose of Water energy. Celebrate the process that you set in motion.

Here is my [odd] horoscope for today:

Treat yourself royally. Despite any conflicting messages from the outside, you’re king or queen within the privacy of your mind. Nurture the power that you must radiate if you hope to excel.

Here is my [soopah groovy] horoscope for today:

Friends conspire to spring a surprise or grant a favor. You deserve your happiness as much as the next person. You have a few days to become the ideal version of yourself that you always carry around in secret.

Here is my [These get better every day!] horoscope for today:

If someone loves you, they had better show how much. Try not to blush too hard when you get exactly what you want. Should your gratification be delayed, at least you can savor the anticipation.

If you know me at all, you know I’m all about savoring the anticipation of delayed gratification. It’s practically my middle name. David “Savors the Anticipation of Delayed Gratification” Gagne. I like “Vincent” better. But. Y’know. Another boring story …

Here is my [pretty cool] horoscope for today:

Your voice carries in tones that are both commanding and compassionate. Your wisdom moves people who might otherwise go their own ways. For the next day or so, wishes actually do come true.

Here is my horoscope for today:

A long, trying process reaches its fruitful conclusion. This accomplishment is just another feather in your cap, although it’s an experience that you’re in no hurry to repeat. Cancer finds little details highly seductive.

Here is my [much more interesting than yesterday's] horoscope for today:

All mysteries are yours to explore this week. Cancer feels alive with a sense of purpose and place. Your energy alone perks up those who may not have the faintest idea of what you’re saying.

Here is my [somewhat odd] horoscope for today:

Cancer is ready to withdraw into a rich private world. You’re intimidated by the abrupt and the unfamiliar. Just remember that those people who care will miss you in your absence.

Here is my horoscope for today:

The challenges are so persistent that it’s as if the Universe wants you to fail. Perhaps you’re traveling in the wrong direction on a one-way street. Listen closely to get the meaning of what your partner is telling you.

My horoscope for today:

You want to eat, but no one is serving yet. Cancer’s priorities mean little to those who are wrapped up in their own issues. If a collaborative effort is going nowhere, put your heart and soul into a solo venture.

My horoscope for today:

Showing off provides momentary amusement. Someone here is a little too serious for the usual diversions. Listen to your instincts when handling a sensitive matter.

… er … ok. Duly noted.

I find it incredibly amusing that my company’s proxy server prohibits me from visiting swoon.com, an astrology site, but has no problem letting me browse All About My Vagina.