names

I know you want to believe it. I know that it came from a trustworthy source — your sister, your cousin, your aunt — who would never lie to you. I know it is almost plausible. But, no. Your aunt did not have twins in her class named Orange Jello and Lemon Jello. Your sister did not overhear a woman in the grocery store calling her daughter Shithead. Your cousin the nurse never had to explain to someone that Vagina was not an appropriate name for a newborn. Stop forwarding me these silly stories, people.

My Five Eight Favorite NPR Names

1. Cokie Roberts
2. Nina Totenberg
3. Mandalit del Barco
4. Korva Coleman
5. Nora Raum
6. Corey Flintoff
7. Liane Hansen
8. Sylvia Poggioli

At some point recently I stumbled upon Geni.com, a family-tree site. This is the kind of thing I seriously dig. It makes me sad that I can only go back two or three nodes on my family tree. My oldest nana is 86 and — when I called her a few minutes ago — was having a hard time remembering the names of even her brothers and sisters. Strangely, though, she had no problem naming papa’s aunts and uncles and dozens of other names I never knew.

This is the sort of thing that people kick themselves for not doing earlier in their lives. Pick up the phone and call your grandmother, for the love of God. When’s the last time you talked to her? She’s not on DVD, y’know? When that RAM goes, it’s gone … and you’re not sending it to the Apple store to retrieve it, either.

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Awesome! I am the 46th most important “David” in the world. That’s according to Google, at least. Today I read a post over at Tempus Fugit about being a top ten Mark and figured I’d take a look and see where I rank among the Davids of the world. Forty-six! I honestly didn’t think I’d even make the top 100. But there I am — sitting just barely a notch below David Lee Roth and David Gilmour (of Pink Floyd). I’m pretty sure I can take those guys, too.

October 20, 2006 Update: I have somehow since dropped to 89th. WTF?

So I had a bit of a bug on Saturday and spent most of the day in a deep Alka Seltzer Plus-induced sleep. At one point I awoke to find a curious message on my answering machine. A little kid somewhere in the San Bernardino area code called with a get-well message for Eric Gagne, the Dodgers pitcher. “I’m your biggest fan,” he said, “and I hope your leg gets better really soon.”

I considered calling him and pretending to be the dominant closer, but (a) I have no idea what Eric Gagne sounds like, how he talks, or what in the world you’d say to a kid that thinks you’re a hero and (b) I feared that since he’s sort of close to LA, he might have a classmate or something that does know Eric, and then I’d get the kid or the pitcher in hot water with a lie …

It would be tragic if I was to pretend to be someone I’m not and then have him brag to all his friends and get busted for it. So I just hoped that someday the kid gets to catch a pop fly at a game, that Eric’s leg is on the mend, and then hit delete.

The History of NFL Team Names is quite interesting. There is a quick explanation of how some of the teams got their names. I think it’s pretty funny that one of the proposed names of the team that would eventually become the Buccaneers was “The Mafia”.

Flywheel.org’s Random Title and Name Generator indicates that I should refer to myself as Chairman of The Association for the Promotion of Women’s Prison Movies, David Vincent Gagne. It’s a bit much for a business card, but I like it.

Yes. I did toy with the idea of naming it “All Your Blog This! Right-Click Context Menu Are Belong to Us”. But I didn’t.

My Mobster Name is Rollo The Mook. I don’t get it.

I just discovered - after visiting Brendan’s On-Line Anagram Generator - that you can rearrange the letters in my dad’s name to spell Animal Wiggle.

Has Bloggerville seen enough wacky name generators? I don’t think so! My Glam Name is Hologram Goldsex.

{dvg @ work}
There is a woman in my office named Dawn. Dawn is walking around the office eating a raw hot dog, holding it like a popsicle. Dawn is very odd.

I should also note that there is a woman in my office named Debbie Dallas. No, I’m not kidding. No one ever believes me, Debbie.

Someone was amazed (laughing hysterically even) that I had posted my home phone number and address here a few weeks ago. I don’t really see why. I mean, it’s not like there are two dozen David V. Gagne’s in Tampa, FL. It would be simple enough for anyone to get that information if they wanted it.

Contrary to popular belief, my name is not Dick.