NFL

Every year around this time I get to enjoy one of my all-time favorite acronyms. (You know I’m an acronymphomaniac, right?) All of the important data utilized by the National Football League is stored in the “Game Statistics & Information System” — GSIS.

As far as the NFL is concerned, GSIS is awesome and GSIS knows all. This leads to some wonderful conversations …

• Want to know who’s got the most rushing yards right now? Ask GSIS.
• Who scored first in last week’s Steelers game? Check with GSIS.
• Did Tom Brady get a rushing TD in week 7 last year? GSIS can tell you.
• When do the Broncos play the Jets? GSIS knows.

Right now I am sitting in my suite at the Camelback Marriott in Scottsdale, Arizona, just a little more than a day away from getting to see my Patriots in Super Bowl XLII. The story of how I got here is incredible on many levels, and even attempting to do it justice in a blog post is ridiculous. What I can tell you is this: I owe it all to a man I will never see again. In the six or nine months that I knew him, he somehow managed to become one of my ultimate best “best friends”. I have never known anyone like him, and I find it impossible to believe there will ever be anyone else like him in my life. He was an amazing force of nature, a man that I consider myself truly blessed to have gotten to know.
Bill Gross died on Sunday, October 21^st, 2007, as I was packing the rental car in Hawaii getting ready to return from my honeymoon. He was my business partner, my boss, my mentor, my walk-to-Starbucks companion, my confidant, my guardian angel, my benefactor, my hero, and my best friend. I am still in shock and I am still in pain and I miss him and I cannot fathom how I can be going to this game without him. I know that he is rooting for the Giants just to piss me off, just as much as I know that inside he is pulling for the Patriots because he knows they are my favorite. I would trade anything to get to hear him make fun of me again.

Last season, the Colts won the Lombardi in part by establishing a pass-wacky attack that defensive coordinators were obsessed with stopping, then gradually shifting toward the run in the postseason, then rolling out a rushing-based game plan in the Super Bowl that took everyone by surprise. … Belichick is among the best-ever students of the sport, so don’t be surprised if he remembers and attempts the same switcheroo. Of course at this point, don’t be surprised if Belichick suddenly rips off his prosthetic human face and reveals himself as a hideous reptilian space alien come to spearhead an invasion fleet.

So apparently there’s a whole series of these parodies, but I think “Hitler: Bloodthirsty Dictator, Die-hard Cowboys Fan” is the best. Sure, it’s no Planet Unicorn, but it’s definitely the funniest YouTubery I’ve seen this year.
<hat tip to Andy>

A man walks into a bar with a cat in his arms and asks the bartender if the cat can stay. Grudgingly, the bartender agrees to let the cat sit on a bar stool, and he then turns on the 49ers game.

When the 49ers kick a field goal, the cat just goes wild, jumping up and own on the stool, then going the length of the bar and high-fiving customers.

The bartender is amazed. “If he does that for a field goal, how does he act when the Niners score a touchdown?”

“I don’t know,” said his owner. “I’ve only had him three years.”

Tuesday Morning Quarterback scores again with 2010: The Mock Draft.

Last night’s Saturday Night Live with Peyton Manning and Carrie Underwood was excellent. I am so happy that the show is in something of a revival right now. It’s a long-overdue, glorious return to funny. The last dozen or so SNLs have had me in stitches on more than one occasion. The digital shorts and the fake commercials are superb, the guest hosts are good again, and even the news is smart and witty. I miss Tina Fey, but whatshisface and Amy Poehler are doing a great job. I am kind of tired of so many recurring sketches, but I can live with it. I’m just glad that it’s finally stopped playing second-fiddle to The Daily Show and Best Week Ever. Those two shows are usually side-splitting and I had been more than a little bit sad that NBC’s classic favorite, the show I’ve watched since I was ten or twelve, had fallen into irrelevance. Now it’s back to being a standard and it’s worth watching.

Last night I finished reading Next Man Up: A Year Behind the Lines in Today’s NFL, by John Feinstein. It took me well over a month to get through this 400+ page epic covering the 2004 Baltimore Ravens season. Regardless of how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get into it. I am a huge football fan, so that should tell you something. I very much enjoyed Feinstein’s 1996 football work, the incredibly long-titled A Civil War: Army Vs. Navy : A Year Inside College Football’s Purest Rivalry, so that should tell you something as well.

[click to continue...]

This is one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do lately, but I feel I have no choice. As of today I am officially removing myself from consideration for the head coaching job in Dallas. As much as I love and respect the Cowboys organization, my life right now is simply too complicated for me to accept the responsibility. I wish Jerry Jones, et.al. the best of luck and I am sure someone else — someone with more experience and a much better coaching pedigree — will soon be interviewed for the job, and I don’t want to make things any harder on the team.

[click to continue...]

“What happens here, happens in the rest of the country a decade later.” We’re talking about Los Angeles, folks. This excellent quote is from a stupendous essay on why there will never be an NFL team in LA. It only took me a few months to realize that this place wasn’t going to be able to support an NFL team. Apathy is key. The article makes several perfect points, but the one that matters is the one about caring. In Gainesville, Florida the city is crushed after a Gator loss. And I’m not just referring to a championship game, kids. If the team loses a single game at any point in the season, the entire county is crestfallen for days. There isn’t a smile to be seen anywhere. The baristas at Starbucks glumly pour lattes for grown men who look like they just got the news that JFK was shot.

In Los Angeles the day after USC won the National Championship in football was pretty much exactly the same as the day after UCLA lost the National Championship in basketball. There are — quite literally — millions of people here who are dedicated sports fans. The problem is that there are many, many more millions who don’t know the difference between the SEC and the ACC.

I was in football nirvana this weekend. I watched no less than a dozen games — college and pro — since I left the office Friday night. The best by far was last night’s Boise State / Oklahoma Fiesta Bowl, one of the top ten football games I’ve ever seen. While watching Saturday night’s Giants / Redskins contest on the NFLN I kept wondering about all the commercials they kept airing for themselves. “Why in the world,” I asked, “do they keep showing me commercials for something they know I already have?”

The only people who could have possibly seen all the ads for the NFLN were the people that currently have the NFLN. And it wasn’t just the 30-second commercials spots, either. During the game they were constantly bombarding me with teasers and float-overs talking about how wonderful they are. Aside from the fact that it was mildly annoying, it was also pointless!

[click to continue...]

I was listening to Colin Cowherd’s “The Herd” on my local ESPNRadio affiliate while I drove to work this morning. Colin was talking about the fact that the vast majority of cable companies are not carrying the NFLNetwork. Apparently the Rutgers bowl game is going to be on the NFLN and that means that most of New York and New Jersey viewers will not get the game. He said that he thinks ESPN (the television network) should be worried about the NFLNetwork penetrating basic cable because it represents more competition for viewers. I completely disagree.

[click to continue...]

And so another childhood belief is disproved. I had always liked the oft-told tale of the surviving members of the ‘72 Dolphins sending a case of champagne to the team that beats the last unbeaten NFL team each season. Apparently it’s simply another urban legend. I followed a link from Pop Culture Junk Mail to Snopes, where there’s a long and detailed debunkment of this myth. It looks like I didn’t even have the myth correct, either. Snopes says that the story is supposed to be about the surviving members drinking champagne together (or simultaneously). Oh well …

Gainesville is abuzz these days as the 5-0 Florida Gators embark on a huge October. The fifth-ranked Gators will be tested with showdowns throughout the month. Now the slate has gotten even more challenging. Today coach Urban Meyer announced that Florida has added an October 21 matchup with the Chicago Bears to the schedule.