It ain’t just a great Pearl Jam song. After a wildy wicked weekend at the Pearl residence in Orlando, I’ve been thinking about my mind a bunch lately. My mind? Surely I jest. No. Seriously. Ron the Younger and I were swimming around his pool and drinking until 4:30 Saturday morning and then Saturday night I was leaping off the roof into the pool before midnight even arrived. We played pool. I sang - loudly, badly, and apparently right in everyone’s face. We drank. We watched some insane sports. We ate. We had a great time. The whole time I was LOUD. I can’t help it. I talk too much. I’ve learned this. I’ve come to the realization that I have a problem with my inner dialogue. It’s not that I don’t have one, because I do. It just feels like there is so much in my head I have to get it all out sometimes. I was trying to talk about this with Sylvia on the drive from Orlando to Tampa. I understand that I talk too much. I can’t stop. I say things that are not supposed to be said. Things that you’re supposed to keep in your head … I say ‘em out loud. To anyone and everyone that might be around to listen. I don’t understand why I do this or why I can’t stop myself. I know there are secrets (Note: Do not tell me a secret!) and there are points to ponder to yourself, but I can’t seem to handle it. I say them. I scream them. I’m not talking about drunken ravings either, although anyone will tell you I do that. I mean walking down the hallway or chatting in ICQ or to the lady in line behind me at the supermarket. There is a scene in The Vampire Lestat when Lestat reaches The Golden Moment while drinking one night. He realizes that he is going to die. This fact, although not what I’m trying to say here, blows him away and he goes nuts raving about it and wondering why no one else seems to be concerned about it. The thing is, with me, everything seems to be a Golden Moment. I get so excited and exasperated and appalled and astounded and in love with everything that I want to tell everyone. I want you to understand. I want you to be amazed like I am. And you never are. And it drives me crazy sometimes.
Posts tagged as:
philosophy
Enlightened Male
I see by my response to #13 that I am the complete opposite of the Enlightened Male™. I do not think I would have to search very far to find others who will vouch for me on this. I am unEnlightened. I am the very antithesis of that kind of person. I am .. and again you don’t have to search long for people that will agree with me on this … Han Solo at the moment he decides that going into the asteroid belt is the best course of action. I’ve been trying to think of another example to make my point, but that’s all I can give you for now. I’ll try again later.
{ 0 comments }
on-line
The longer I live on-line, the more I am amazed at little things. Little things I notice in other people on line.
There is a rift growing between people right now. Sometimes I think that I am the only one who notices it. (Of course, then I get on-line and talk to you and I know that I’m not alone.) Being digital is not just a book I never read. It is a lifestyle. I am digital. I don’t know how or why it came to be. One day I woke up, and I was digital. The strange thing is, I know you are too. I know very few people IRL who are digital. It is hard to communicate with them. Often. It is hard to express <grin> or <smooch> or *heart* to them. It is hard to explain what being digital means to them. I feel like they just don’t get it. I know that we Residents of Bloggerville have been over the get it meme already. I don’t know. I talk to some of you daily. We are very much alike. We have so many of the same thoughts that sometimes it is downright freaky. We say the same things. We say them to each other and we rarely say them IRL. I blog for me. I am a rockstar. Mornin’ Sam. Mornin’ Ralph. I am a flirt. I am a barrel o’ laughs. I am an eMail whore. I am a linkslut. I am alone. I am alone. I am not alone. (Don’t take it personally, of course. I know that some of you are fascinated by my ramblings. But if http://www.davidgagne.net/ disappeared tomorrow, how many of you would cry about it?) But I feel like this rift is growing. I feel like eventually the people IRL are going to see that I am digital and that IRL is where I go when I am not here, and not the other way around. I am mildly scared by this. Amused. Excited. What will happen when the walls are digital? I know that it will happen soon. Five years? Ten? And then we will all be digital all the time.
Will the people IRL know that they are not IRL? What will happen when there is no IRL? Will the people that are digital be in charge somehow? I don’t know. But it’s certainly a fun trip.
(I don’t really like the term IRL. I know so much about so many of you, I feel like it is denigrating to act like you are not IRL to me. You are. I hope I am to you, as well.)
{ 0 comments }
Drop-Dead Sexy
I was gonna say that the fact that I looked just fcuking drop-dead sexy and cooler than you could possibly imagine in one of my new totally sketchy shirts tonight made all that not knowing worth it. But I would have been lying. I would really rather know. To be honest with you (and don’t think that I haven’t always been honest with you), I would rather know than not know. Any day of the week.
Yeah.
I know.
Sometimes it must be as painful to read this crap as it is to write it. You might think that. But, as usual, you’d be incorrect.
It couldn’t be.
Because you can’t know what it feels like to write it.
and yes, I know that I can’t know what it feels like to read it. that’s not the point dammit.
{ 0 comments }
Things I Know
To expand on this just a bit:
I know a million things. There are many more things that I do not know. One of the things I don’t know is: How many of the things I think I know do I really know? It gets worse. There are things that I do know that I don’t think I know. There are things that I don’t think I know that I do know. Included in the things that I think I know that I really don’t, are a number of things that I don’t even know I don’t know. This, now, is where it gets tricky. What do I not know that I really do know but won’t admit? And of those things that I won’t admit I know, what do I really know? Because there are a lot of things that I think I know that it turns out that not only did I not know them, I didn’t even know that I didn’t know them. I don’t know if I can handle any more of this sort of introspection. Really not much can come of it. All I know is that there is a whole bunch that I don’t know and even more that I don’t know I don’t know. What gets me though, are the things that I know I know that I wish I didn’t know. Those are the worst.
{ 0 comments }
deal with it
The longer I’m here - here being Earth, not the ‘net - the more I realize that being funny, laughing, is about the best thing there is. There are some people out there that get this and many people that don’t. I spend a huge hunka buncha time every day being funny. And not just lookin’. I don’t even know if I do it on purpose anymore. It just sorta happens.
Woop! Look! There I am! Being funny. And sometimes some people laugh or smile. Most of the time most of the people do not. (Man, I don’t know what their problem is.) Laugh, dammit! This world is funny. Funny. Funny ha ha. If you’re one of those people that doesn’t laugh, well then I don’t know what to tell you. I’m laughing. If you’re not laughing you’re just not paying attention. Either that or you’re slow. Sorry about that. Learn to take a joke. Like me, for instance. <grin>
{ 0 comments }
Something Totally Sketchy
And then, something totally sketchy happens and what you thought you didn’t know you think you might have known and some other things you thought you didn’t know you think that you might know for sure but some other things that you don’t know if you know or don’t know you realize you might know. So right now I don’t really know if I know or don’t know anything. But I know that I don’t know that. So that’s something. What it is, I don’t know. But I know it.
{ 0 comments }
What Do I Know?
Did you ever think you totally knew something and then - suddenly - felt like possibly you had absolutely no clue about whatever it was that you thought you knew? Yeah. I feel like that sometimes. Like now for instance.
{ 0 comments }
Jealousy
While driving to work this morning I decided - no, not really … I realized - that I am not jealous of anyone else on the planet. I’ve never seriously wanted to be anyone but me. (Well except for that period when I totally wanted to be Captain Caveman. But that doesn’t count.)
{ 0 comments }
The Brain
“If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn’t.” - , from the July 2000 issue of Discover
{ 0 comments }
My personal external animations play only a minor role in my thoughts and my emotions.
“My personal external animations play only a minor role in my thoughts and my emotions.”
- Einstein
“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.”
- John Lennon
“The heart’s an involuntary muscle …”
- an old Biology textbook
{ 0 comments }
In Which He Is Happy to Be Alive
Sometimes … it’s just awesome to be living. And that’s enough.
{ 0 comments }
