search

Most of the people that visit my website come here because they know me. Usually it’s a friend or family member who has discovered my little corner of the internet, but sometimes a complete stranger will click on a link to me from somewhere else and start reading. Often someone will go to a search engine (Yahoo!, google, AltaVista, etc.) and my page will appear as a possible resource for the information the person wants to find. Sometimes people find my page by searching on things I have never mentioned or by some crazy word combination on my site. These are disturbing search requests. I can find these by reading my referral logs to see where a person was before visiting me. So. Here are some of the stranger things people have visited me to find.
[This page was inspired by Disturbing Search Requests].
[click to continue...]

I added a few new items to my collection of personal disturbing search requests. I guess I can understand why Yahoo! or Google! would send searchers to davidgagne.net for dave gagne custom ice. That makes sense. I’m sure I must have used the words custom and ice at some point in the last two years. But how can i improve the sizes of my balls? And i have spilled milk in my car how can i get rid of smell? Why would anyone - even a web-crawling computer - think that I would have answers to those questions?

People keep searching this site for the word frog.
I don’t know why.
If you come here looking for frogs, please leave a note and tell me what you hoped to find.
My mind wobbles.

Really. Because I just can’t help myself. Here are a few more search strings that have led people to my site:

• shaved my head
• mousepad x rated sex
• earnest hemingway’s novels
• the old man and the sea santiago christ
• descartes response to dreaming argument
• the swamp and big two hearted river
• emotocons
• the snows of kilimanjaro text
• itchetuknee spring
• essay on old man and the sea
• www.chocolatemen.com
• ocean spells
• symbolism of santiago in old man and the sea
• into the pool jpg party clothes
• hemingway and christian symbolism
• fluffer girls

My blog was / is named bling. It just popped into my head one day about a year or so ago. It’s short for “rambling”. It’s also the route by which most of my visitors seem to find me. Why all these lost souls are searching the internet for “bling” escapes me. Why so many seem to be searching for “bling bling” escapes me even more (Is that possible? Why do we instinctively put English muffins in the toaster with the insides facing each other? Is there any logic to that? Is the inside of the toaster hotter than the outside and the inside of the muffin is what we wanted toasted more? Have you ever put the muffin in the toaster with the insides facing out? Have you?). I wonder if they are finding the bling for which they search here. I find that hard to imagine.

Forthwith: My personal version of Disturbing Search Requests; here are the things that (some apparently lost and confused) people have typed into Google or Yahoo! or AltaVista in order to discover my page:
bling bling, oceanblog, www.bling bling.com, ocean clipart, the snows of kilimanjaro, fat man’s penis, titus andronicus essays, video net girls, gatsby and automobile, ocean homeostasis, the snows of kilimanjaro by hemingway, the old man and the sea and joe dimaggio, hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy satire essay, immortality of the soul by plato, lifegaurd shorts, nurse flirt pics, bike shorts and fuck and jpg, maggie: a girl of the streets theme, for whom the bell tolls relationships, old man and the sea essay

Disturbing Search Requests is quickly becoming my #1 favorite site on the ‘net. It took me a year, but I finally added search capabilities and a counter to this site. In addition to the person looking for a “free superfrog download”, people have also found davidgagne.net by searching on: “days of thunder” female, “toothless” “fetish”, and daytona coroner pictures.

Okay. So it’s not freaky enough to submit it to Disturbing Search Requests, but I certainly can’t imagine why a) someone would be looking for “free superfrog download” or 2) why Yahoo! would think to send that person here to find it …

Every single week I am flabbergasted by the number of people who go to my entire web site dedicated to Ernest Hemingway and do a search for hemingway. Good grief, people! It’s a Hemingway web site! Every damn page mentions his name 50 times!

The only thing that is worse is when people search for “hemmingway”.

The FTP Search is now holding at v4.0 and I thought I’d share it with anyone who doesn’t use it. I’ve been utilizing this place since at least ‘95 and it has never failed me. It has gone through many incarnations, it was originally in some Nordic country if memory serves, and it has always been handy.

I posted the search engine statistics for my Hemingway page. It drives me nuts when people double the letter m in the middle of his name. Something I can’t understand is why people search on the word “Hemingway” on what is very clearly an Ernest Hemingway web site. The search must return every single page at the site! I also had to laugh when I saw that someone had searched for the garpes of wrath three times … Garpes! Maybe they would have found something if they had searched for the Garpes … OF DOOM!!!!

Blogger’s Been Updated and Upgraded But Still No Searching
Thousands of Egomaniacal Webheads Near Rioting

“This software never crashes. It never needs to be re-booted. This software is bug-free. It is perfect, as perfect as human beings have achieved.”

“The proliferation of weekday afternoon syndicated original programming coupled with the arrival of cable TV spelled imminent doom for a rapidly eroding Saturday morning … Then, we were Saved By the Bell …”

Just for fun, this was a rather revealing search …

You may know, if you’ve ever let your eyes wander all the way to the upper left-hand corner of this page, that I run a pretty nifty Hemingway site. The site gets something like 800 hits daily. I’m sure a bunch of those are spiders and search thingies and who-knows-what else. But I know that a fair amount of those hits come from actual *human beings*. I know this because - even though it says not to bother and there are no links anywhere on the site to my eMail address and I force readers to come here if they want to send me an eMail - I get about 40 eMails every freakin’ day from high school kids around the world asking me, basically, to do their homework for them.
This is my rationale: If there are 800 hits and 600 of them (and there can’t possibly be 600 bots hitting my page every day, can there?) are from computers or bots or spiders or whatever (not people) and only 40 of them are from slack-offs … well that still means at least 100-something people are going to read about Hemingway. Every day. For over five years now - and that is like a day short of infinity in internet time - people have been reading things I (and numerous others) have written about Hemingway on my Hemingway page. This blows me away. This is awesome. And every now and then I get something like this:

I’m a high school student from a suburb outside of Pittsburgh, PA. I wanted to tell you that your site has been very useful to me in my study of “A Farewell To Arms”. I found the essays on symbolism to be rather interesting and informative. Thank you for your efforts and dedication to what I believe to be a worthwile literary realm - the study of Hemingway. Just thought you’d like to know how much I appreciate what you’re doing.