sex

Boys: The Weaker Sex

How embarrassing! If you’re on your way to get a hooker, and you run into your wife turning tricks, what do you do? Isn’t that from an Alanis Morissette song?

The faq page at the site for Lady-Vi Cream has a wealth of information. Answers to questions like, “What is an Orgasm?” and tutorials, such as “How A Woman Achieves Orgasm” could make the whole “birds and the bees” conversation obsolete!

I visited the site for The Nobel Prize in Physiology for Medicine for 1998 and found no mention of Lady-Vi, creams, orgasms, or … well … anything about mass-marketed, Jerry Springer-esque, sex-enhancing products. Maybe Lady-Vi should reconsider how they associate themselves with the Nobel Foundation. They should also reconsider their use of explode as an imperative. “Explode your sex life!” I’d like to explode their web site. I’d like to explode their spam-sending eMail administrators who sent me the link to their site in the first place. Explode. Why don’t I just impact them? Supposably that’s what I axed for. Morons.

They even have the audacity to write, “Please no mail bombs, legit removal,” in their message. Are they trying to imply that this mass-spamming is a respectable, reputable form of advertising? Mail worldnetvision2@excite.com and tell them their spam is annoying. Tell them to stop mass eMailing. Tell them anything. But please be rude about it.

I really try to stay on the clean side here at davidgagne.net. After all, my mom reads this page, y’know? (Hi, mom!)
Where was I? Oh, yes. The Erotic Journal of Martha Stewart is one of those places on the internet that you have to visit.

Bodyperks, about the size of a Susan B. Anthony dollar, look something like raw chicken tenders. They are meant to be worn inside the bra “to show off a woman’s natural assets in a new and sassy way,” according to the Bodyperks publicity material. “We view this as a fashion accessory, meant to be worn with the right outfit, for the right occasion, as an expression of femininity.”

“It’s like the bellybutton and . . . the rear end,” say the acting director of the museum at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York. “All these things are associated with animality . . . People find them sexy but somewhat revolting.”

Women only stay with men for security, and men only stay with women for sex. It’s a cynical view of human relationships, but researchers now say it is the driving force behind the evolution of monogamy — and women started it. By offering sex all the time, females in monogamous species disguise whether they are fertile and trick males into sticking around.

<understatement>
“The male has no cue,” says Enquist. “All he can see is the behaviour of the female.”
</understatement>

Several good ones from Romenesko’s Obscure Store and Reading Room:

• “The tiger was only being a tiger,” said Simmons of the attack Thursday in an outdoor pen in front of a group of schoolchildren.
• The customer at a Ralphs supermarket “got upset because the manager would not give her more than one ham.”
• Here’s a tip for swingers: Don’t secretly videotape sex with a mistress, post the tape on the Internet without her permission, and then lie about it … especially if you’re married … and having a separate affair with a third woman … and trying to make sure that none of the three knows about the other two.

I am going to quote just one line from this article on how to have sex with dolphins and just let you read the rest:

If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you.

[click to continue...]

A fifth-grade girl at Cincinnati’s Mount Airy School says at least 15 boys have been trading soda and cash for sex with at least five girls.

Divorce Pending for Co-Author of Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work
Well … just the headline should be funny enough to make you want to read the rest of the article. But! Good heavens! Did you read the ten tips? By the time I got to the third one I thought for sure it must be an April Fools’ prank. This advice is ludicrous. Trust me: These are not good rules to follow if you want to keep a man. What really worries me is that there are actually women who think this strategy might work.

1. Be an inscrutable creature of mystery.
2. Never do anything yourself that he can do for you.
3. Have sex no more than once a week.
4. Don’t stop playing hard to get.
5. Don’t speak.
6. Don’t stick to your budget.
7. Don’t initiate sex.
8. Act independent.
9. Don’t concern yourself with what he does.
10. Don’t apologize.

An interesting article at wench: I Never Thought It Would Happen to Me … by Sarah D. Bunting.

Man’s Death a Study in the Bizarre

” … the body of James John Felbaum was found in the bedroom of a filthy mobile home … that he shared with his wife, Tammy Felbaum, a transsexual whose nickname was “Tammy/Tommy” … the doctor discovered that Felbaum’s penis had been crudely mutilated … a humane officer went through the house and found two dogs, seven cats, three finches, a mouse, two turtles and a parakeet … dehydrated and living in feces … state police said they were looking for narcotics, paraphernalia, medical equipment, written records and books related to surgical operations and human anatomy and for human body parts or tissues.”

Have a conversation with a horny therapist!

Two good ones stolen from Follow Me Here …:

• Researchers Show Human Genome Helpless in the Face of Chocolate
• Men Are Crazy for Women Who Are, Too