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9-11 / airports / My Life / security / sunglasses / terror / travel / TSA
Once again I found myself in trouble at the Los Angeles International Airport, and once again it was (arguably) my own damn fault. Last Thursday I flew Southwest to Providence, Rhode Island to testify in court on behalf of my dad, who was in the midst of a textbook “frivolous lawsuit”. I detest being late in general, and even more so when it comes to flying. I am the guy that gets to the airport at least two hours in advance. My adventure began almost as soon as I got out of my friend‘s car.
It is not even remotely illegal to wear sunglasses in an airport.
I was told by the Southwest skycaps at the curbside check-in that my flight was canceled. “What?! Why?!” I exclaimed. I was told by the first skycap that it was because of inclement weather in Rhode Island. He directed me to his superior, who told me that it was because of a mechanical problem with the plane. (Much later in the day I would be told that the flight was canceled because there simply weren’t enough people wanting to fly from LA to Providence that day to justify sending an entire plane on the route.) She took my luggage and got me on the next flight, due to leave for Phoenix in three hours.
Quite a bummer. Now instead of what I guessed would be an hour and a half of wandering the terminal I would be faced with two and a half hours of airport life. If you add to that the fact that I usually manage to grab about three hours of sleep the nights before I fly — the better to go unconscious as soon as the plane is in the air — you can understand why I’d be grumpy. I humped my golf clubs and suitcase to the TSA‘s first line of defense: The X-Ray Machine That Could Scan an Elephant. The boys manning this monstrosity were kind and quick. They did forget to tell me that they had finished bombarding my bags with radiation, so I had to stand there and wait for about ten minutes until they remembered I was there. But I can forgive that. There was nobody else in the area waiting to have bags scanned, so they may have just thought I was pleasantly fascinated by staring at them.
(According to their website the slogan of the TSA is “Vigilant, Effective, Efficient”. I almost thought it was supposed to be a joke. Those are maybe the three words in the English language that I would least associate with the TSA.)
This is where the fun begins. When I got to the airport it was 11 o’clock in the morning. I was wearing sunglasses. It is pretty damn sunny in LA most mornings at 11 o’clock. My rapt attention to the bag-scanning process and my overall grumpiness caused me to forget that I was wearing my sunglasses inside the airport. As far as I know, however, this is not even remotely illegal. It may not be chic or cool, but there are probably more people in LA that wear their sunglasses indoors than any other city on the planet, so it wasn’t exactly outrageous for me to not remove them. Unencumbered by my luggage, I sauntered towards the monolithic stairs leading to the “real” security line. This part annoys me.
You have a flight of stairs. At the top of this flight of stairs there is a security officer who confirms that the security officer at the bottom of the stairs has confirmed that you have a photo ID (link 1, link 2) and a boarding pass. It is physically impossible to get to the top of these stairs without having first been at the bottom of these stairs. There is nobody magically jumping into the middle of the stairs that could have avoided the security officer at the bottom of the stairs. I am forced to assume that the redundancy is in place because the top-of-the-stairs security officers have decided that the bottom-of-the-stairs security staff is untrustworthy or vice versa. And do I really need to get into a rant about how each and every one of the 9/11 hijackers had a valid photo ID and boarding pass? Unless both the top-of-the-stairs and the bottom-of-the-stairs security officers have photographic memories and have memorized the names of all potential terrorists I can’t imagine what the point is of being so fanatical about the whole double confirmation of boarding passes, because all they do it look at your ID and boarding pass.
There were actually four security officers at the bottom of the stairs. “Real” security officers are probably insulted that we use the term to refer to TSA employees, and I sympathize with them. On staff this day were four Latino women — girls, really, not one of them was older than 20 or taller than 5’2″ — who barely spoke English. Now, understand, that even when I am in a bad mood I am still one of the most cheerful men you’re ever likely to meet. That goes triple if you work in a terribly unsatisfying job like checking boarding passes and identification when you just know that bitch at the top of the stairs is going to double-check your work every time. I have worked in crap jobs and I always try to be pleasant. “Good morning,” I smiled at Alisha, handing her my California driver’s license and printed-from-the-internet-but-ridiculously-easily-forged (link 1, link 2, link 3, link 4, link 5, link 6, link 7) Southwest boarding pass.
She smiled at me, checked that the name on my license matched the name on my boarding pass, and used a yellow hi-liter to mark the boarding pass with what looked exactly like a one-inch line. (Do I need to tell you that they sell yellow hi-liters in just about every single store in America?) As she handed “my papers” back to me, she paused. She looked me in the eyes. She smiled. And then she said, “I can’t see your eyes.”
I raised my hand to my face to remove my sunglasses and stopped. She wasn’t smiling because she was nice. She was smiling because she was suffering from False Authority Syndrome! The poor child. In the most disarming, rational, peaceful, and kind voice at my command, I said, “You don’t need to see my eyes.”
“You have to remove your sunglasses, sir.”
“No, actually, I don’t.”
“I can’t let you past here with your sunglasses on.”
“Yes, you can.”
At this point she became obviously frustrated and confused. She looked at me as if I was a freshly-shaved Osama bin Laden in a sports coat and khakis. She became stern. “Take them off, please.”
“There’s no law that says I can’t wear my sunglasses in the airport. ma’am”
“Yes, there is. It’s a rule.”
“It’s not a rule.”
“It is. I can’t let you pass.”
“Yes, you can.”
She took my boarding pass and used her yellow hi-liter to turn the line into an X. An X of shame and potential threat. She called to the top-of-the-stairs officer, “Threat alert!”
No, I’m not kidding. Then she let me go up the stairs. At this point I expected to get into an argument with the top-of-the-stairs woman. I didn’t care. I had two hours to kill and I wasn’t in the mood to be pushed around by the TSA. But surprisingly LeVonda did nothing even remotely antagonistic. In fact she let me get into the extra short special security line! This was a bonus! Instead of standing in the “general” line with the hundreds of non-sunglasses wearing rubes, I got to get into the fast lane!
The fast lane was occupied by a mother and her three children, a very, very tall black man, and a guy that looked like the most average, generic businessman possible. I didn’t feel like any of them could in any way be as much of a threat as I was, but I guess you can’t judge a book by its cover. We merrily zipped through the metal detector and had our carry-on bags x-rayed.
The carry-on bag x-ray is my favorite part of flying and has been since long before 9/11. I haven’t gotten on an airplane without a pocket knife since I was a Boy Scout. If my plane goes down, dammit, I will not be stranded on a desert island without any way of cracking into a coconut! Ever since 9/11 I’ve carried at least two, and sometimes three, back-up pocket knives. I’ve flown about thirty times since then, and only one time was one of my knives confiscated. For this flight I had two, and they both went undetected.
But now a wrinkle! I wasn’t allowed to get my bags. A tremendously grumpy guy grabbed my bag, my laptop, my jacket, and my shoes and gave me the double-ultra shakedown. He went through every pocket of my briefcase. He went through my jacket. He looked in my shoes. (He did not, I should note, ask me to remove my sunglasses.) He never smiled. He was a serious TSA. There was a uniformed LAPD officer standing nearby as well, but he looked like he just enjoyed standing there and flexing and wasn’t very interested in all of the potential threats to national security that were being given the what-for by the TSA.
The TSA double-security checker was not about to let me get past him. He knew I was a bad guy. I had a water bottle. I wasn’t hiding it or anything, I just honestly forgot that liquids are dangerous nowadays. He held it in front of my face like it was a Nazi membership card that he’d found in my blazer. “You know you can’t have this, right?”
I almost — almost — said something snarky about how it was cool that he didn’t care about my Swiss Army knife or my Leatherman tool. Instead my reply was, “Oh, yeah, right. Sorry about that.” I reached for the water bottle, saying, “I’ll just chug that now.”
You would have thought I pulled an UZI out of my ass at this point. He literally jumped backwards and told me, “Don’t come any closer!”
I laughed. I did. I couldn’t help it. It was absurd. I looked at the LAPD officer and said, “Is he serious?” The policeman looked at me as if he was very sorry and trying to not laugh himself. He walked a little bit closer towards us but said nothing.
“Dude. It’s water. I’ll drink it right now.”
“I can’t let you do that. You have to throw it away.”
“What? Why? I’m going to drink it. I’ll drink the whole thing. Right now. Right in front of you.”
“You can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“It’s against the law.”
“What law?”
“You can’t drink in the security area at the airport.”
Now this is where I got mad. “There is no law that says I can’t drink water in the security area of the airport!” I looked at the cop, “Is there?” The cop said, “I have no jurisdiction where you are. You’re not on LA property.”
This seemed pretty silly to me. What the hell was he doing there if he wasn’t allowed to do anything? But whatever. He was a cool cop and I didn’t have any beef with him. I looked back at the TSA guy and said, “Show me the law.”
He stared bolts of fire into my skull and said, “I don’t have to show it to you. It’s the law.”
“Uh.”
Yes, I really did say, “Uh.”
“There’s no law, man,” I said.
He said — and I swear I am not making any of this up — “It’s an SSI and I am not required to show it to you.”
“What is an SSI? Are you kidding? This is America. You can’t enforce a law without showing it to me. I never voted on any law about drinking water in the security area of the airport. There is no such law.” I really, really wanted to ask him if SSI stood for Super Secret Information, but I forgot.
“I can’t let you drink this water.”
“Fine. Throw it away. I don’t care. It’s an unopened bottle of water that I am willing to drink right in front of you. But whatever.”
“I can’t throw it away. You have to throw it away.”
I picked up my bags and walked away.
For quite some time I noticed that the person who I assumed to be the top TSA guy was following me around Brookstone. I had a tail! I had a pretty good time making him think I was trying to “lose him” for a little while. Then my girlfriend called and I forgot about him and he was gone.
Good times.
(The jury returned a unanimous decision in my dad’s favor, by the way.)
November 2, 2006 Update:
I have gotten quite a few angry responses to this post recently. I’d like to note a few things about this experience:
- The Southwest terminal was surprisingly slow that day. My actions did not cause any trouble for anyone other than the TSA.
- I hate long lines at the airport just as much as you do. If at any point I felt like I was going to be creating a bottleneck I was prepared to just “drop it”. If you read what I wrote carefully you’ll understand that I was shuffled to a separate queue.
- Matching my face to the image on my driver’s license accomplishes nothing.
- Please note that I said that I was told that my flight from LAX to PVD was canceled because there weren’t enough people for the flight. I don’t claim to know anything about airline routes.
- Several comments have noted that there are no direct LAX-PVD flights on Southwest. My original flight was, in fact, supposed to include a stop in Phoenix. I apologize if I was not clear on that point in my post.
Responses to “False Authority Syndrome”
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This is yet the best blog i think i have read in forever! I guess its because something similiar happened to me and yet i laughed about it forever! I often read your blogs, the humor makes me laugh. i have been reading them maybe for awhile now and i guess maybe that is why you are ranked what #46! I am glad to hear about your dad and the unanimous decision!!!
I guess its fun to know someone has almost the same life and humor i do. I came across your blogs awhile back and i read them and got hooked! lol funny i know but still its like a little memoirs of david and soon i hope to watch the movie. hmm.. who knows.. Hope to hear from you soon.. love.. Krissy
I was reading this and the whole time I thought you were going to launch into the “What if I was a bombardier” speech from meet the parents. Too funny! By the way…you are missing the Fl/Ga game this weekend. Doran and I are going on Saturday. Want to fly over 🙂
Gotta love “security” that makes nobody secure.
This almost makes me want to head over to the US just to mess with the TSA. Bit of a trip from Australia though, plus who knows, I might have snuck through some koalas trained as guerillas. Probably beats monkeys trained as security guards though.
Something similar happened to my brother because he brought a microscope kit on board. Fortunately before he could view a slide and bring the plane down security got to him. He had spent around 3 hours being intimidated, I mean interrogated and was not allowed to bring it with him.
The TSA officer must have mistook your unopened bottle of water for improperly refrigerated carrot juice. We all know how deadly carrots can be.
Way to go, Spartacus. You browbeat some annoying TSA guys because you didn’t want to take off your sunglasses or toss a bottle of water. Only now can the world see the truth. Where will the revolution take you next?
Seems like an awful lot of wasted energy to prove a whole lotta nothin’. Of course, I couldn’t make it through the whole thing without skipping over big chunks.
I wrote a very logical, thorough response to your problem (I thought TSA was right to be suspicious of someone who was argumentative and refused to remove his sunglasses), but your “security” system destroyed it. Yup, I must have mis-read one of the characters in your pass-code and my comment was rejected. When I did as instructed, the comment was gone.
Gotta love that “security” that works worse than the TSA.
thanks. i’m completely convinced that you are an grating insolent prick and i hope i never have the unpleasant experience of meeting you.
in between your petyy gripes you actually pointed out the most important factor of the crowded airport experience(and LAX is indeed one of the worst) – the the security employees have a consummately crappy job. yet you spare no effort in second guessing them from a COMPLETELY uninformed standpoint.
the woman asked to see your eyes because she wanted to match your face to your drivers license(next time carry the uniform identification of a passport maybe? hello?) and you can’t lift your glasses?!!?!
what are you 12? no, wait – 10?
at the airport each and everyone of us is confronted with a negative. here’s some advice: try to turn it into a positive. be civil, pleasant, accomodating, and friendly and everyone around you will benefit. that advice goes well past events at the airport too. it would behoove you to follow is in all aspects of ones life.
people either grow old with grace or become bitter. check yourself.
Hm. I just went through LAX with my sunglasses on (prescription), and nobody said nothing.
Than again, maybe it was my aircrew ID badge that got me through. 🙂
You’re lucky you didn’t have any toothpaste. I had a similar experience on a roundtrip journey from LAX to SFO: for me it wasn’t sunglasses, but the fact that my ticket had my last name and first name switched by the useless AmEx travel agent. I got SSSS in the bottom right corner of the boarding pass for the incredibly serious danger this posed, and sure enough, I got the high speed line with the extra searches and the superduper multimillion dollar vacuum treatment.
It’s Kafka, Orwell, HST, and Python (Monty) all in one. There’s also the story of taking a schnoodle puppy on the Gold Line and the four cruiser, eight officer plus canine unit response that met us at South Pasadena…
Be afraid. Be very afraid. Or you just won’t fit in to our joyful security state.
F***, LAX is the most horrible airport, ever.
Something less funy,
The last 12 times I went through the US customs it was so degrading and frustrating that I closed our Chicaho offices (37 staff). I moved our North America offices to Canada…
Let’s hope this silly business is over soon… The terrorists have already won, they have disrupted our lives!
Bah!
Just take your f*****g sunglasses off man, you’re the kind of person I get stuck behind in the queue at the airport that holds up everyone else while on your own personal crusade to try to justify your ego-tistical actions.
F*** you.
*sigh* Typical. I have to take a flight on Saturday to LAX from Pittsburgh International, so perhaps the trip TO LAX will be better than the trip FROM.
I guess he figured if you opened the bottle of water and drank it, it would mix with super secret terrorist chemicals in your stomach and cause you to collapse like a neutron star.
I’m sure you’ll get lots of sympathetic comments… but my honest reaction is that you seemed determined to get into a pissing-contest.
“SSI” stands for Super Stupid Idiocy.
Maybe you are one of the nicest guys I’ll ever met, like you said. But you sure do sort of come off like a dick. You’re probably right about everything you said. Still, being a prick about it obviously isn’t going to fix the problem. Perhaps better than mindlessly obeying. Still, I hope there’s a point that’s somewhere in-between sheeple and douche-bag.
Water bottle? Could be a dangerous chemical. Sunglasses? They are training TSA people to read micro-expressions on peoples faces…. say to spot a stressed or nervous highjacker. To say nothing of identification reasons to take them off. What if you were to be on a plane and a highjacking was prevented because of a “needless” request to take off your sunglasses? Or a plane with your Mother, family, girlfriend on board? Sure security is not perfect…… but to rail against the most obvious thing there is? Sounds like someone has a complex about authority… usually a sign of inherent insecurity.
just take off you stupid sunglasses…
I just wrote about an incident like this — my TSA agent called over a cop because I didn’t want to give up my (deadly) lip gloss.
I love False Authority Syndrome.
Brilliant.
Thanks for sharing this hilarious story! The water bottle part and the following afterwards are great 🙂 I think I would have acted in a same way, trying to actually get a look at these “laws”. There is only one way to describe such a behavior of authorities: security by obscurity.
You’re an idiot.
I certainly don’t agree with these b******t laws that TSA were making up on the spot (I don’t do much air travel and live in the UK so have thankfully never had to experience them) but I wouldn’t like to be the poor soul who serves you on the day you get out of the wrong side of bed.
I know it may sound like a defence of these guys, but the TSA is made up of people – most of them under trained just like any job it seems. The difference is that right now people who represent the TSA are in the blogosphere spotlight.
People make up b******t rules all the time – sometimes because they have been under trained and think some hearsay rule they spit out at you is real, or because they have an obstinate, rude guy in front of them who confuses them.
I know that some of the jobs I’ve worked in dealing customers it can be very hard sometimes when they are being tricky to stick to the rules.
However, importantly the expectation that people have of the TSA is:
1) it’s inept
2) it’s tyranical
3) it’s fascist
4) it doesn’t work
now what about the expectation TSA workers have of theirselves. Possibly something like this:
1) I just want to get on and work.
2) I don’t get paid enough for this s**t.
3) I wasn’t trained to deal with smart asses who think they know better than me.
even
4) I want to do my job well so that no-one gets hurt on a flight.
It seems these days that TSA pot-shots are a national past time of Americans. It gives geeks a good bit of Big Brother fascism to chew on. However the irony is that if you asked a geek about security on Computers, you know what they would tell you:
If you want truly secure Computers that protect your details and personal information then you have to give up a bit of ease of use.
Geeks get annoyed with Pinks who complain about all the security, passwords and log-ons that are needed to access services.
OK, not the most apt analogy, because arguably one protects freedom of speech & Human rights and the other, orgz like TSA infringe on them. However my point stands, you want secure airports, be prepared to give up certain freedoms in an airport. Take your sunglasses off if asked, but point out that they have no legal right to ask you, you’re doing it out of kindness on your part.
Finally, if you find the TSA inept, then don’t write a blog about it write a letter to your congressman, that is if you there is any point.
Apparently SSI stands for “Sensitive Security Information” (Basically super secret). It is partially described on this page: http://www.fas.org/sgp/news/2004/05/fr051804.html
Here’s a quote:
“SSI is information that TSA has determined must be protected from improper disclosure in order to ensure transportation security. TSA’s SSI regulation establishes certain requirements for the handling and dissemination of SSI, including restrictions on disclosure and civil penalties for violations of those restrictions. Currently, the SSI regulation applies primarily to information related to aviation security. Airlines, airports, and others operating in civil aviation are required to limit access to this information to those personnel who need it to carry out their security functions.”
Apparently that wack job officer was in the right. He didn’t have to tell you if it is indeed an SSI. We now have laws that are secret. I’m expecting them to install Orwell’s telescreen in my living room any day now.
Good read. There’s no reason people should get mad at you for forcing TSA to do their due diligence.
LAX sucks. Even BEFORE 9/11, I was trying to check a perfectly legal unloaded handgun through there, and was arrested. Eventually, they told me I was standing 3 ft. PAST the last ‘legal’ point to check a handgun. Since I was considered to be ‘on the plane’ at that point, it was supposedly a federal offense. There were no signs, no lines in the floor, no gate, no NOTHING to mark this ‘last legal point’. They confiscated (and eventually destroyed) my handgun, I spent a night in jail, and it cost me over $1000 in legal fees to get the case dropped and the $5000 federal fine cancelled. The cop who had to arrest me said it was the stupidist thing he’d ever seen, as I was being TOTALLY cooperative and was trying to comply with the law. Even the LA DA’s office said there was ‘no cause’ for my arrest and detention. (I had legally checked the gun onto the plane on my way to LA, by the way, without any hassles at all.)
I laughed out loud at the antics of these self-important TSA clowns, until I remembered that they’re practically running the contry. Just like the Gestapo did in Germany. (sigh)
Who are all these boot-lickers saying “Just take off your f*cking sunglasses?!?!” What a bunch of sheep. In 10 years when you find yourself bending over and spreading your cheeks before they let you get on the bus, and you’re asking yourself how things ever got this bad and you’re looking for someone to blame, be sure to check the mirror.
Two species of reply are common for this sort of story:
1. way to go, that was funny!
2. you’re a prick making people’s life difficult to satisfy your need for attention.
It’s sounds like melodrama to state the obvious: fascism is when the slow build of government control builds for too long. But that’s what’s happening in America. If we questioned it each time we ran in to it, then it would be harder for it to happen. It is of course difficult to do so, because it identifies us as “security threats”.
(Which is a further irony – any REAL security regime would focus on dangerous people, not people who have an issue with unreal security regimes.)
So I would hope to see more responses like this:
3. Thanks, in the small way available to you, you are pushing back against fascism in my country.
I just flew from LAX (which has to be the world’s crappiest airport) to Portland and I and my traveling companion have been pondering the teenager checking ID at the bottom of the staircase and her “back-up” at the top of the staircase.
Everyone at with a TSA badge is already a massive waste of taxpayer dollars in my opinion, but the LAX stairway operation just rubs your face in the s**t-uation.
My friend had an un-opened soda with receipt at PDX on the way home and they just let her drink it before going in. Neither airport had any problem with me traveling with a small pocket knife or a 21 piece bike multi-tool, though.
They scan your face with the “hidden” cameras and match that against a database. Think Las Vegas looking for card counters. While it can work without the sunglasses, it’s better for the machines if there are none.
You rule. If anyone gives you hell about not exercising your rights instead of creating a “bottleneck” are causing us all more problems than you.
So, let me get this straight.
You act like a spoiled child, intentionally gave some poor kid with a s**t job a hard time, and then bitch about how pissed off everyone got at you? Hell, you were being a prick. You weren’t “sticking it to the man” or “standing up to authority”, you were purposefully making life hard for people that already have s***ty jobs.
Sure, all the measures you list are bull***t. But intentionally and knowingly acting like an a*****e to people that are going to get fired if they don’t follow those rules…
I can understand being tired and grumpy. We’ve all acted like an ass on little sleep or little food or whatever. But most people regret their behavior afterwards.
Given you weren’t blocking others, this is a really savvy way to actually get through security. I had the joy of having lost about 45 pounds, thus travelling wearing trousers that were quite large around the waist. I got picked and was told that I had to remove my belt and hold both arms out simultaneously. I told the officer the likely result and was told just do it. When the pants started to drop, I was in (*&(&* because I was being confrontational and, to avoid further humiliation, I had put my arms down to grab them before anyone saw my pink undies. At that point I was ready to be arrested.
god bless you. the “check your ID and boarding pass again ten feet later” thing is ABSURD. and if you complain, they pat you down just to piss you off.
TSA are robots. Questioning their actions is quite appropriate. They use zero common sense and for the most part are just reactionary drones. If more people stood up to them, maybe it’s a long shot, but they’ll realize it is a broken, unorganized, and ineffective system. I don’t think the author inteded to slow anyone down, but rather attempted to deprogram a robot back to mere common sense. They’re sunglasses, cmon.
Don’t be a robot. Stop living in fear.
I’m sorry that all of you sheeple believe that everyone must, without question, participate fully in security theater, neither questioning the madness or deviating from it. “Just leave me alone. I just want to get where I’m going while not interacting with authority. Why can’t we all just get along? If you have nothing to hide, why do you care if they shove a probe up your ass?”
The point is, the more people who act out during security theater, the more likely that some of you sheeple will wake up and see just how you are slowly and methodically being numbed away from your rights as human beings. Instead of poo-pooing these people, you should be applauding them loudly from the back of the line… See if you can get a whole line up to applaud. Maybe you will convince some of the TSA employees that what they’re doing is really ridiculous and maybe convince some of them to get jobs that help to move the world forward.
What is it with the mindless sheep commenting here? Okay, sure maybe refusing to take off the glasses is a small thing and may sound inconsequencial. What you people fail to realize is all these small things add up in a big way.
Why should a 18 year old who barely graduated high school get to make up laws just so he can feel important. He knows that by labeling you as suspicious he has the power to potentially have you arrested because he’s jealous that you look sorta important or don’t treat him like he’s a super secret agent or maybe his Baby’s momma left him.
They have made it illegal to be fed up or angry while they make every effort to make you feel that way by providing poor, inefficient service.
“Microexpressions”?! I know people that work at the airport. They can barely read comic books. Judging by the number of people voting in this country these days I guess asking for people to stand up for their freedom is pointless.
“Just take off your sunglasses” !? What about when someone decides that they don’t like the look of you because your black, white, wearing pink or the wrong football team’s hat and tells you to strip stand on your head and recite the pledge of allegiance or you get **** probbed and you have no recourse, but to comply? We’ll make sure and say “Just strip, stand on your head and if you aren’t a terrorist you could recite the pledge of allegiance, a*****e”
> They are training TSA people to read micro-expressions on peoples faces
ROTFL, mighty psychic TSA Security Superheroes, they read micro-expressions of your faces! They are highly trained, educated well-mannered and well-paid people who could have every job under the sun but went for a challenging career in TSA, looking for explosive Insuline and danger-o-sensitive sunglasses.
I want to live in your Marvel-Universe, too.
This issue of secret laws is behind the current court case of Gilmore v. Gonzales: http://www.papersplease.org/gilmore/index.html
To people like Alvin:
Sure, it’s their livelihood. However, that doesn’t change the fact that they are the ones who you encounter in the airport terminal and personally treat you like a terrorist while living in your own country. Nothing changes the fact that from the sheer customer service aspect, you are treated like piss and without respect. Would it have killed any of the people in question to act civilized and use “please” and “thank you?” Maybe a little customer service and a bit of acknowledgement of the inconvience this causes to every flier in the united states.
Last time I flew through the states I saw TSA people yelling at people because their english wasn’t so good. I fail to see how that improves the situation.
Anyways, if you don’t get pulled aside for ridiculous reasons and complain about it, how will the process improve?
You got what you deserved for f$ucking with those people, who are just trying to do their miserable jobs. Any one who f$cks with them should at the very least be forced to miss their plane.
While I agree the under-trained TSA guards and needlessly redundant and ineffective procedures are both a huge pain in the ass and fairly ridiculous as a security measure, was it that much an invasion of your personal freedoms for you to take off your freakin sunglasses?
I really don’t think being asked to remove your sunglasses at a security check is the beginning of the slippery slope of the erosion of our civil liberties; it has already begun elsewhere. There is a fine line between security and privacy, and we can argue about specific legislation, bottles of water and terrorist toothpaste, security checks in general, etc. Don’t be a smartass, though. Being asked to remove sunglasses at an airport security check is not that line.
In the exact opposite of your water bottle problem, I was forced to ‘chug’ a can of Coke in the security area at Pierson in Toronto.
You are sophomoric. TSA, sure they need a geat deal of help — but their condition is something we, as a nation, might be able to fix; you will always have your “frat house” attitude.
Hey, I just wanted to say that I don’t think you were being a baby and I don’t think you were being a jerk. Yeah, maybe it would have been polite to take off your sunglasses, but it would have been polite for her to ask nicely instead of making up some b******t about a law.
Would the exchange have been different if she had said, “Sir, would you please do me a favor and take your sunglasses off?” ?
I’d like to think it would have been.
I’m borderline seething just reading your description of the way you were treated at the airport. Thought I’d empathize by saying so, and by sharing a bit of information re: SSI’s. Enjoy:
The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is designating many documents as Sensitive Security Information (SSI) not to protect national security but rather to hide negligence, incompetence and potential liability, former Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) Special Agent Brian Sullivan charged today.
…
“I know from first-hand experience that roughly 95 percent of the materials that are labeled SSI have no national security value and should be released to help the American people arm ourselves against future terrorist attacks,” Sullivan said.
“There are only three explanations for why TSA wrongly labels so much information as SSI,” Sullivan explained. “The first is that TSA is too understaffed or too lazy to go through each document and redact the one or two paragraphs that are truly sensitive, so they place the entire piece off limits.
“The second is that TSA still has not put in place uniform guidelines, policies and procedures for making SSI designations.
“The third is that TSA is acting to protect the old FAA, the airlines and the screening companies from legal liability, a possibility that was brought into sharp relief when TSA attorney Carla Martin’s alleged collusion with aviation industry attorneys was exposed during the Zacarias Moussaoui trial.”
…
Sullivan was special agent and risk management specialist for the FAA in New England, where he analyzed the security vulnerabilities of airports and aviation facilities in the region. He also served as the security control point for New England and, in this capacity, received and controlled the flow of secret information, including SSI. Sullivan retired in January 2001.
“It is critical to understand that SSI is not classified information — it is a designation for lower-level ‘proprietary information,'” Sullivan said. “Ironically, all classified materials must be reviewed after a designated period of time to see if they can be released. Yet the far less sensitive SSI materials are subject to no such review.”
–above excerpts extracted from this article.
How dare you question authority…the impudence! Why don’t you grow up and bow under like a real man?
[…] Link […]
Dan-
This doesn’t help anything. In fact, it hinders any real progress at getting rid of this crap. Bitching at a TSA employee and basically making an ass out of yourself and then complaining about how people got mad when you acted like an ass doesn’t help anything. All it does is make people not want to listen to a word you say, simply because you are being an **** .
Do you honestly think that pissing off a few TSA employees is going to make any progress towards a repeal of the Patriot Act? Is it going to change this idiotic attitude of a war on an emotion?
If a person lives in the US and wants to do something that will actually have an impact, they should focus on next Tuesday. Acting like a jackass, and saying things like “if you don’t work hard and get into school you wind up getting stuck in Iraq” and “people that work for TSA have ‘False authority syndrome'” just makes people less likely to listen to you or those that have the same views as you. Making stupid comments and doing stupid things makes you look stupid. Making cruel comments and acting like an ass makes you look cruel.
And if you look stupid or cruel, you cannot take the stance that the current administration is stupid and cruel and expect to have ANY credibility. Right or wrong, factual or not, it doesn’t matter. This is reality. It sucks, but it is reality.
If you want to actually change things, you have to stop throwing childish little tantrums like the one described here and actually do something. This kind of thing is worse than unhelpful; it is actually counterproductive. I’ve heard the argument many, many times: the people that oppose these security measures act like spoiled little children. There is no reason to listen to them; they’ll realize what’s good for them when they grow up.
So to the blogger: Stop acting like a child. You’re making things unnecessarily difficult on those of us who are actually trying to do something effective. Like it or not, human beings see the opposition as monolithic. It is our nature. You will be lumped in together with everyone who opposes this insane path our administration has chosen.
So please, stop making me look like a stupid, cruel child.
That was awesome.
This summer on my way to San Diego I was stranded in the Las Vegas airport and ended up passing through security three or four times. Only the last time did anyone bother to notice that there were wire cutters and pliers inside my guitar case. A cheerful, bantering TSA guy compared them to some size chart and apparently they were non-lethal, or else he figured anyone bringing a cheap guitar on a plane couldn’t possible be a terrorist. I was through in about two minutes. Not exactly an ordeal. Yours, while ridiculous, was a lot more fun to read. ;^)
I respect your willingness to take on the idiocy of our false security state. If I was behind you in line, I’d be cheering you on the whole way.
You sheeple who think this sort of useless “security” does anything to prevent dangerous incidents should be ashamed. This guy might have been an irritation in the airport, but god help us we need more people doing this.
If you have to travel for business at all, the random, idiotic changes in “policy” and “secret rules” are enough to make you pull your hair out. I’d rather take my chances of crazy guys with box cutters than have to put up with this retarded nonsense for 3 hours before every single flight, every week.
Your civil disobedience (is it, even? you weren’t breaking any laws!) is much applauded, sir. Keep up the good work.
The terrorists have won. Common sense and the core of American greatness have lost.
I think we give up our rights too quickly.
First they came after nail clippers, and I said nothing. Then they came after our shoes, and I said nothing. Then they came after our sunglasses (who knew!?), and I said nothing. They came after people with accents, foreign names, and too common names. I said nothing. They came after bottled water, infant formula, contact lens solution, shampoo, and prescription drugs. I said nothing. They came after my laptop and (in Boston) my wifi connection. I said nothing.
Are we safer for having given up our rights, dignity, and sanity to uneducated rent-a-cops? Of course not. In a recent test TSA failed to find 20 out of 22 smuggled weapons. Not surprising, given that TSA is so focused on grandma’s prescriptions and bossing everyone into submissive compliance. TSA is maximizing their sense of power, not safety.
Here’s a thought…. maybe if we didn’t over-react to terrorism the would-be terrorists would come to understand that senseless destruction is of no value. Like a spoiled two-year-old, terrorists want attention. But they don’t deserve it and shouldn’t get it.
Unfortunately, soon we’ll be subjecting ourselves to full cavity searches to enter a mall or tall building, cross a bridge, or attend a sporting event.
Heres an idea: stop adding to the problem. We all know travel is a pain in the ass- bags get lost, long lines, crazy people who lose control of themselves, gestapo like screening tactics – none of this is news to anybody. You do bring up several good points about problems and unnecessary complications in the airport security screening process, no doubt.
But your reason for not taking off your sunglasses was that you were in a bad mood? Thats the best you can do? Take off your sunglasses like everybody else and stop being that **** guy who *tries* to cause problems.
You’re actually worse than than the annoying lady who walks up to the metal detector with three bracelets, two metal necklaces, a pocket full of change, her hubby’s swiss army knife in her pocket and a giant metal watch, because you’re just being an a*****e. That lady is just an idiot.
All that aside (and off my chest 😉 ), as I said, you certainly point out problems which I hope DHS and TSA already realizes. Lets hope they work to change things for the better. Meanwhile, lets all try to help each other out instead of exacerbating the frustration level.
Thanks, in the small way available to you, you are pushing back against fascism in my country.
I have two words to describe this guy.
Douche.
Bag.
Thanks for standing up for us. I just flew to NY and decided the next time I have to fly, I think I’ll take off all of my clothes to go throught the line. This “security” is so stupid that I drove to Chicago from Denver twice this summer rather than fly.
[…] Link […]
“Much later in the day I would be told that the flight was canceled because there simply weren’t enough people wanting to fly from LA to Providence that day to justify sending an entire plane on the route.”
Wrong. That’s not how airlines work. They fly the route regardless of how many passengers buy tickets. The reason for this is simple: they have a set pattern in which they move equipment (planes) and crew. If they simply didn’t fly the route that day, the plane would be missing at its next destination.
If sales of seats for that route remain low over the course of months, the airline will review that route and timing, and adjust to maximize sales.
On your TSA experience: You acted like a prick. But more people should act like pricks, IMHO, because what the TSA is doing has not much to do with actually securing the travel industry. It’s just a huge inconvenience for the general public – 100% of the traveling populace. I think luggage ought to be x-rayed and people should go through metal detectors, but the kind of treatment that TSA staff have been handing out since 9/11 is simply out of control. It’s stupid, useless, and does nothing but inconvenience millions of travelers every day.
“you have to stop throwing childish little tantrums like the one described here and actually do something”
Got any suggestions? Seriously. Whaddya going to do, write to your congressman?
This security theater exist for two reasons: to make us feel “safe”, and to make us feel afraid — you know that, I know that, we all know that. The more people bitch and complain about them, the faster they’ll go away.
(Me, I’m on the no-fly list. That is, somebody else with my name is on the list. It means that every time I fly I get shuffled into that threat line, and delayed at checkin while they make a phone call to some government office somewhere, whether I take my sunglasses off or not.)
TSA really means “The Stupid Agency” In reality, they protect us from just about nothing. Their so called “Security” is mostly a joke. Most of the TSA employees are loosers who could not get a better job, but now, they are Federal Officers. Watch out, they have more power than God and they use it all.
Alvin nailed it with his comment. Sometimes acting like an a** is not an act of civil disobedience, it’s just acting like an a**.
Hey everyone.
Stop flying. Take any mode of transportation of flying. It’s just not worth it anymore.
Good for you. To all the haters out there: You obviously misunderstand the situation.
A. A terrorist isn’t going to raise hell about his sunglasses. It’s stupid to think someone is a threat when they’re making a fuss, when a real threat would do as much (or as little) as possible to go through undetected.
B. The TSA guy deserved what he got – I mean come on, the guy (and the lady before him) were making up laws and trying to enforce them on people coming through the line. I don’t care how crappy your job is, but when you try to declare your workspace as a new an independent country of TSA land and make up and enforce laws on people, I’m not going to respect you even for a minute. Even the cop seemed to know the TSA guy was a prick.
You can pretty much pass off anything as a law these days – just say it’s part of the TSA regulations that we’ll probably never actually see. Killed a bus full of nuns? No problem – the TSA says it’s okay, only nobody is allowed to see the law. Pbbbt.
If it’s crowded, you should be expedient–we are all are in the service of our fellow man. In your case, I don’t see what harm there is in pointing out the stupidity of the security. It isn’t like you were screaming obscenities at them.
“Alvin nailed it with his comment. Sometimes acting like an a** is not an act of civil disobedience, it’s just acting like an a**.”
You just don’t get it, do you? They can’t be allowed to do what they’re doing.
…and the laaaand of the freeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
While the 300millions habitants of the US are being repressed, NOBODY is ever asking themselves WHY these terrorist are doing that! Sorry, not everybody, there are a lot of good spirits in the U-ASS-A, but they are being shut. No one in the press, TV, etc, is ever asking this!
One step further over information control is one step toward prototalitarism.
This reminds me of the time I had to visit some state offices in Trenton, NJ. The second day I had to go, I pulled into the parking lot and stopped at the gatehouse. A trooper steps out, “I’m going to the division of revenue.”
He says, “Don’t know where that is. ID.”
Now the day before, a different guard directed me to the DoR and waved me on. so, “huh?”
t: “I need to see your id.”
I give him the id. He stares at it for a good 10 seconds, looks at the back, and hands it back to me. I drive into the lot. He didn’t write anything down, just looked at it. What was going through his head? “yup an id…connecticut…long drive…i got another 6 hours of this **** ?…christ its hot out here…wish they would air condition the booth…tomorrow i’m bringing a case of beer”
Revolutionaries don’t bother to concern themselves with how they inconvenience the public. They do what they do because the lambs in the masses won’t stand up for themselves. They see a need for change and act in the only ways they have available to enact that change. My guess is the author also votes, is active in local and national politics and knows enough about his rights as a citizen to stand up for them and himself. Only the John and Jane Status Quo would find fault with declaring that you shouldn’t be treated like a criminal without proof. Only the ignorant masses would choose convenience and ease over solidarity and freedom.
If you don’t feel the rules are absolutely ridiculous, you haven’t been paying attention.
Today, it’s sunglasses and water bottles. Tomorrow it’s the shows you watch, the food you eat, the people you can love.
Oh, wait. That’s already started.
Good for you, man. Now take that energy and hatred of the system and attack the people who make the rules. Continue to put your neck on the line for the rest of us, but you have to, HAVE TO work within the system to make changes and well as rail against it publicly.
Don’t let the US turn into the UK, or we’ll all have John Hurt shouting at us from giant screens on the front of the White House.
WTF is up with the ** in the naughty words? If I want to say **** on a blog, I will.
Dude, as to your column, good one, except for the *Leatherman.* I’m sorry but I don’t want you or anyone else on a plane with that. Please check it with your, ahem, *golf clubs.*
I’m on Gagne’s side on this one.
I can’t agree with “alvin,” whose post advocates passively putting up with whatever nonsense we’re being forced to endure. Also, the name-calling is a bit out of line, especially from someone who repeatedly admonishes DG to stop “acting like a child.” Faulty logic and ad hominem attacks persuade no one.
Also, refusing to put up with the whims of a bunch of untrained security numbskulls doesn’t mean that Gagne can’t also work to repeal the Patriot Act.
I’d argue that blogs like this do a far greater public service than slapdash rants like those posted by “alvin.”
It’s only natural to wonder what “alvin” has done toward making the world a better place, no?
Pop quiz. You are a terrorist and intend to cause damage and havoc. Do you:
1. Do your homework, see what people are being screened for, know the rules, and then do everything you can to blend in and not call attention to yourself, or;
2. Refuse to take off your sunglasses, try to carry on lip gloss, offer to drink the bottled water, make a scene, hold up the line?
Seems to me the people least likely to be terrorists are the sunglass wearing, water bottle toting, lip gloss wearing, pen knife hiding people who question authority and point out useless and absurd rules.
This is a great story. Airport security is the perfect example of ineffeciency and misguided security tactics that go hand in hand with our current government. FYI- studies have been been done showing that none of the security measures that have been imposed in the airports would actually stop a terrorist. Thanks for standing up for yourself in the face of mindless stupidity. If more people would stand up for the kind of things this country was founded on (equality, freedom) instead of mind-numbingly agreeing to whatever people tell you do while talking about what Paris Hilton did last night and taking the path of least resistance, then we might stand a chance against the many dangerous people in this world.
I’m not sure why you are so annoyed by your experience – you brought it on yourself. Why didn’t you just remove the sun glasses the first time? It would have taken, what, 6 seconds out of your life? You responded like a petulant child; you might as well have glared sulkily and muttered “Dun’ Wanna'”. I’m glad that you didn’t waste the time of other passengers (you can’t fairly claim you didn’t waste anyones time, seeing as you wasted the time of several TSA agents because you really WEREN’T a threat, just a jerk) but I can’t help but wonder if you would pull this again. Was it even worth it for you?
As far as the various claims of “the law” the TSA agents made all they really needed to tell you was that it’s the law that you comply with the demands of a government official. It’s the same as refusing to do what an officer tells you to do; you are in their jurisdiction as officers of the law (which, incidentally, is why airports aren’t considered property of the city they are in). You may not have voted for it but I’m guessing you also did nothing when president hijacked our legal process so he and a bunch of paranoids could cut away all our rights with the so-called Patriot Act. You did break a law by refusing to comply with the security check point officer; it’s that simple. Luckily they followed proper procedure and moved you on to the next level rather than grounding you (which can happen). As for the water, I don’t think it’s a “law” that you can’t drink in the security section but signs are posted in airports stating that that is a no food or drink zone (although I suspect it’s due to time management as opposed to any terrorist threat).
I love stories like this that point out how retarded security has become. And I love hearing about people pushign back against pointless rules.
BUT…She did need you to take your sunglasses off to confirm your ID. No big deal. You should have taken them off, stared at her for 10 or 15 seconds and then put them back on. At that point, if she bitched at you, then you had every right to refuse.
The bit about the water is hilarious.
The most retarded thing about the liquid ban is seeing photos form airports where security has confiscated liquids (that, when shaken or magically combined could become a bomb) and then THROWN THEM ALL TOGETHER INTO A GARBAGE CAN RIGHT THERE. F**KING MORONS.
I applaud your gumption sir.
TSA stands for “Thousands Standing Around” I believe!
Flying today has got to be the worst possible experience imaginable and it is only getting worse. I travel just about every week and ever since the ridiculous liquid restrictions have been imposed, the TSA has taken it to incredibly stupid lengths.
I was flying home from Philly last week when my shampoo was confiscated because it was in an “unmarked container”. It was in a 3oz. bottle and in the required plastic baggie. The fist TSA agent at the front of the line examined it and didn’t say a word. I ended up arguing with the x-ray screener that she was just “making up new rules” and she shot back that she was basically allowed to make up anything she wanted if she felt like it. I checked the TSA website and, of course, there is nothing about unmarked containers.
I can live with these stupid rules as long as they are enforced consistently. That’s the biggest problem these days – it varies from one airport to the next and whether the TSA agent is having a bad day or not.
To all of the posters who are getting their panties in a wad about your experience, I say – wait until it happens to you. It’s just a matter of time before we are all forced to strip naked and spread our cheeks before boarding.
What we are given is only the “illusion” of security. The way it is today, a terrorist can easily smuggle a bomb into their checked suitcase and detonate it remotely via cell phone with almost a 100% certainty of success while the TSA wastes time and energy patting down the 80 year old grandma with knitting needles in her purse. It’s absurd.
That was great, Those TSA people drive me up the wall.
You kick ass. Please ignore the power crazy fear-mongers trembling fear-consumers who would have you put your head down and bleat like a sheep. They’re the reason the problem exists.
When will people figure out that you can’t legislate safety? You’re going to die anyway, and probably in a way you didn’t expect. (Remember kids. Having a law against it won’t bring you back to life!)
I am *amazed* at the comments by some of these people –
“Way to go, Spartacus. You browbeat some annoying TSA guys because you didn’t want to take off your sunglasses or toss a bottle of water. Only now can the world see the truth. Where will the revolution take you next?”
and I LOVE this one –
“Seems like an awful lot of wasted energy to prove a whole lotta nothin’. Of course, I couldn’t make it through the whole thing without skipping over big chunks.”
Listen you over-fed monkeys, it’s people like you that allow “President” Bush and his junta to continually erode at your civil liberties. But as long as you got Fox TV and McDonalds, stay fat and happy.
I look forward to the day when Americans wake up and realize that the civil liberties you claim to cherish and hold so dear are completely gone. ‘Papers please’ indeed.
Morons
Okay, have we all used the term “sheeple” enough yet?
I am friends with a ‘real’ security guard. He was, in fact, a member of a security company that worked in the ‘no doc’ section, arresting and holding people coming into the country illegally (with no papers) so that they could be flown home again.
He has since left that company, due to their own internal incompetence. TSA is most likely even worse, driving off any person with a brain and the ability to use it.
I don’t blame you for being grumpy, nor acting the way you did. I probably would have had a few angry words for them myself, well rested or not!
Kudos, and keep up the good work.
Brilliant. Seriously. Gum it up and make it worse for everyone. Because actual reasoning obviously hasn’t worked with Congress.
This blog would have had me doa from laughter, had i not been through the same BS myself. I travel quite a bit, and have been put through the rollers from the age of fifteen. fifteen! granted this was only five years ago, and i did have pink hair (as all terrorist these days, right?) but my mom was mostly to blame that frist time. I carried a metal lunchbox as a purse (harry potter, the harbinger of doom i guess) at the time, and its latch sucked. it used to come undone and spill all three pounds of my crap everywhere. Thus, Mommy dearest used to call it “the exploding box”. In the security line, i asked her to hold it while i got my id out of my ridiculously tight jeans. She blurted out “oh no! I’m not holding the exploding box!”…. god one mom. We had two flights there and two flights back. EVERY flight, I got pulled aside and seached. ugh. From then on it just got worse. On a return flight from charleston, a friend and i were bored and play fighting. He got a little too into it and kinda yelled “damn you Ninja! leave me alone!”.. thought nothing of it, until final boarding call is issued and im trying to zip through security at this tiny airport. They pull me aside. Theyre patting me down. My name goes over the loud speaker.. they’re LOOKING for me! Suddenly, this little gay flight attendant comes running over. “Are you April??” .. “yes..” “HURRY UP! WE’RE GOING TO LEAVE YOU!” ..the lady is wanding me. “I.. uh.. um” the guy is still shouting at me, oblivious to the fact that im a little BUSY. I start to cry- I didn’t want to be left! I was alone! AUGH!! Finally the lady is assured I’m not a threat (except to myself) and lets me go. The flight attendant grabs my hand and says “hurry, we have to RUN.” I had no choice! I’m ASTMATIC! Im in TEARS… it was terrorism at its finest. I finally got on the plane a snotting red mess, close to an asthma attack. I pull out my inhaler and am told to put it away. I ignore them, take two hits and put it away. The nice flight attendant that didnt drag me by my wrist through the airport gives me some water. i take a xanax. damn you tsa.
The purpose of TSA security is to make life more inconvenient for us. It is to get us used to being interrogated and having no privacy. The purpose is not to make us more secure. Things that would make us more secure (for example, x-raying luggage that is not carry-on, which is rarely done) are passed over, deliberately. Those in power have the greatest advantage if:
1) We are made to believe that they are doing a lot to make us more secure
2) we give up our rights
3) they in fact do not make us more secure, so there is another terrorist act which generates more fear.
These kind of security measures are a calculated act to meet the above requirements.
There is a fundamental reason why airports are not an ideal venue for civil disobedience, which you seem to have ignored.
While you were perpetrating your stunt, the time and attention that TSA could have been spending to recognize legitimate threats, was instead spent investigating you, because your actions were not “within normal range”. And if your sentiment is that the TSA are already an under-trained, under-capable group, then imagine how much less capable they would be having to deal with your shenanigans.
Say what you will about TSA logic and procedures (or lack thereof), but for the most part the personnel involved do not have a choice in how they perform their job, while they are on the job. If you act abnormally you need to be dealt with.
If I were a terrorist, I might recruit a harmless, unrelated person like yourself to run interference for me while I, much less disruptively, passed through security “playing by the rules”. And that is what makes you a threat – you divert security staff attention.
Perhaps this is why the guards at Buckingham Palace (are reputed to) act as they do – they know **** s at the entrance are not the biggest problem, but they are still **** s.
thank you for summing up what i feel about the TSA every time i travel. these days i just shut my mouth and try to ignore everything from the minute i walk into the airport. if i open my mouth, or give two seconds of thought to the stupidity that is the TSA i think i would wind up arrested. i also find it amusing that the TSA takes aways things like batteries, and swiss army knives (when they find them, which isn’t often), but has no problem with laptops which could easily be used as a weapon – it wouldn’t be hard to grab a laptop and start cracking people over the head with it…. i would love to see the TSA try to ban laptops. banning liquids went over so well. i also want to add that one month after 9/11/2001 i traveled from MIA to SFO w/o an ID and the check-in agent actually told me it was fine, she would just mark my ticket so i didn’t have a problem with security. in addition, after i got married two years ago and changed my name, i updated my info with the passport authority – they literally typed a note in the back of my passport announcing my name change. i think in the two years since then, on at least 100 flights i have taken both domestic and international, i have TWICE been asked to show someone the last page of my passport which explains why the name on my ticket does not match the name under my photo on the first page of my passport. goooooo TSA.
i’m surprised you managed to keep it so cool man. I swear, as mellow as you can get in general, this airport thingy worldwide is a crock. I don’t get it. It accomplishes nada.
A real terrorist would be very cooperative to avoid confrontation or arousing suspicion. Those who are overly cooperative should be looked at more carefully in the future. These are the people to watch out for. All those people who thought you were a jerk for this ought to be more thoroughly examined upon their next visit to the airport – my guess is they will be “very” cooperative – not wanting to arouse suspicion or get involved in any sort of confrontation.
Heh. Your commenters seem to fall into two camps: a) you were being a prick, or b) you did the right thing standing up to the bull **** .
I think they’re both right. You were handed a lot of bull **** and you were appropriately dickish in response. And you should keep it up.
As to the notion that these people are only doing their jobs and so should have nothing but a pleasant, sunny experience, that’s more bull **** . Every one of those people signed up for the TSA, and every one of them should be focused on making things as secure as possible and as convenient as possible. By doing their jobs poorly and unthinkingly, they’re accomplishing neither goal. There’s nothing wrong with meeting an unreasonable request with an unreasonable response, and hopefully even the TSA workers you ran across will be able to connect the dots eventually.
Southwest airlines is possibly the WORST airline I’ve ever flown, in this country or otherwise! If you compare their prices to other carriers, it’s a real false economy of savings going on compared to the horrid service one reguarly receives.
I stopped being a tightass a long time ago and now gladly fork over the extra $20 to United or Alaska here on the West Coast. Worth every penny.
I set off the metal detector twice at an airport in the southwest u.s. last week, so I had to go through the pat-down procedure. The tsa guy’s wand started beeping at my belt buckle and my watch. First of all, I was wearing the same belt and watch when I flew out of a different airport with no problems. Second, the tsa guys said “your watch has a timer”, as though that actually means something.
You’re really an ass. Keep on ragin’ against the machine.
[…] In what is rapidly becoming my favorite weblog post genre, David Gagne recounts his experience with TSA idiocy in false authority syndrome: […]
As much as you say you are a nice guy, that’s just a bold-faced lie. As mentioned in previous comments, there are multiple reasons why you’re required to show your entire face during screening.
If you keep up with the news, which, by your ignorance of the rule, you don’t, there was a huge political debate about whether to require Muslim women to remove their Burqas when TSA first started out with this policy. The debate was around protecting religious freedom versus national security. Obviously, you don’t have religious protection for your sunglasses. And as undertrained as these TSA folks are, if you hadn’t been such an Asshat about your sunglasses, you probably wouldn’t have had to lock horns with the undertrained TSA agent in the “special” line.
You actually sounded happy that you were put in the “special” line. I’m sure the kids on the “short yellow bus” feel special too because they get their own bus. Well, good for you that you got the “short” line!
If you really have a problem with TSA policy, talk to the “man” by voting this November 7. Don’t shoot the undertrained messenger. They are doing the best they can with the pay scale they’re given.
And yes, as unbelievable as previous commenters suggest, the TSA does do things that you don’t see including “behavior detection”:
http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2006/08/airports_using_.html
From what I know of “behavior detection” in general respects, Asshat behavior probably isn’t an indication that you’re a terrorist but it does indicate that you may be hiding something. Whether you’re a terrorist or not, behavior that indicates that you’re hiding something during screening is probably not a good thing, especially if you’re an agency that has been in the news alot.
Thus, I totally agree with this guy:
DanO Says:
November 2nd, 2006 at 12:11 am
thanks. i’m completely convinced that you are an grating insolent prick and i hope i never have the unpleasant experience of meeting you.
in between your petyy gripes you actually pointed out the most important factor of the crowded airport experience(and LAX is indeed one of the worst) – the the security employees have a consummately crappy job. yet you spare no effort in second guessing them from a COMPLETELY uninformed standpoint.
the woman asked to see your eyes because she wanted to match your face to your drivers license(next time carry the uniform identification of a passport maybe? hello?) and you can’t lift your glasses?!!?!
what are you 12? no, wait – 10?
at the airport each and everyone of us is confronted with a negative. here’s some advice: try to turn it into a positive. be civil, pleasant, accomodating, and friendly and everyone around you will benefit. that advice goes well past events at the airport too. it would behoove you to follow is in all aspects of ones life.
people either grow old with grace or become bitter. check yourself.
ROFL @ my previous comment requiring to be moderated. I guess that’s what the previous commenter mentioned about his negative post getting deleted.
Note from DVG:
1. All comments are moderated because I don’t want people spamming the comments with Viagra and Hottt-Singles links.
2. No negative post was deleted. That person’s post got eaten by the spam-protection system. If you read the comments here I think you’ll agree that I’m fairly thick-skinned. I’ve allowed comments from all of the people calling me various names, etc.
I recenlty checked in and was given a woman’s ticket. The name and geneder were wrong, but I made it through security with unshaved face and my male ID.
I got to the plane, with my bottle of water, juice and salsa knowing that this is all for show.
You can never stop everything. Trying to “stop every possible” only makes everyone suffer for the few that feel safer (and those that make $$$). The rest of us know that it is still as easy for bad people to do what they want.
Pluls you can’t deny those in medical need so how are you going to stop the rest?
[…] False Authority Syndrome […]
But you’re right. LAX security is a hassle. I fly out of Burbank. It has less lines, it is closer to my home and security is less harsh. Instead of clueless staff, they have a courteous agent with a table full of visual aids assisting you with a gentle reminder to remove restricted items before you even get into the security checkpoint so that you don’t hold up the line.
I think if you get away from the hustle and bustle of a large airport where lots of people congregate and consequently, a higher security threat potential, you’re going to see a TSA that isn’t such a “prick” about restrictions during screening. The TSA agent with the visual aids didn’t have a problem with me standing there and explaining regulations to me while I drank the last of my water since I wasn’t in the line yet.
You must feel so much better when you take your frustration out on innocent people just doing their jobs. These people are under scrutiny and harassed every day (By a-holes like you) and your panties get in a wad simply because she does not smile at you.
DanO, you’re a tool.
Good.
Brow beating people who take unethical jobs (authority abuse) is perfectly within the parameters of being a truly ethical human being. These people should be made to feel like **** for compromising thier morals (or having none). You should talk louder next.
So you are angry, because you where being a lame self righteous blogger. Boohoo. Just take off your sunglasses and get on with your life.
Interesting to note that a recent test of TSA effectiveness at Newark Airport resulted in 20 out of a possible 22 weapons gliding smoothly through all check points. Link – http://www.nj.com/news/ledger/index.ssf?/base/news-9/1161928940141470.xml&coll=1
Recently traveling from London Heathrow to LAX, I was stopped at the third checkpoint (basically as I was walking on the plane and had cleared two complete x-ray, wandings and patdowns) with a painting wrapped in newsprint. “What’s the painting of?” asked the securi-bot. “It’s a street portrait of my wife an I, why do you ask?” sez me. “Well if it was a painting of an aircraft I couldn’t let you pass” sez robodrone. “Um, really? Even if it was a painting of Kitty Hawk, or a blimp?” “That’s right sir – no paintings of aircraft.” Obviously, farcical “‘security theater” dialog is not limited to TSA alone – every country has gone bonkers with authority-mad uniformed drones who have signed on to keep our ports safe under absolutely zero effective training or protocol with which to do so.
Fundemental Rights are like muscle tissue.
If you don’t constantly exercise both, they wither away to nothing.
Well Done, Sir!
Well Done, indeed!
Amen. Love you. No only should we as citizens stand up to call “bull **** ” on false security measures, but I also believe we have a duty to stand up to bullies/morons abusing positions of authority, and expecially perceived authority.
http://www.boingboing.net/2006/09/27/tsa_calling_kip_hawl.html
eric’s story (#105) is hilarious but sadly indicative of a lot of the idiocy happening in airports today.
I don’t even travel by air anymore, I’ll take a boat first haha. Anyway good blog, and I completely agree with you that everyone that works at the TSA has some sort of sick power trip.
A few months ago I was taking a ferry from whatever the hell the small town on the mainland is called to Nantucket Island.
Because I’m a guy, and guys tend to be interested in big stuff like that, I was taking a few photos as my girlfriend and myself boarded.
As soon as I got to the passenger area (basically a giant floating waiting room) I was (absolutely politely) informed by the TSA person that photography of the boat is forbidden. I have no problems with Mr. TSA, he was just doing his job, so I put my camera away and thanked him for the heads-up.
But christ, what a soul-destroying job it must be to have to tell people to abide by these ridiculous and completely useless rules.
What could a terrorist possibly do with a photo of a ferry seating area?
They would probably be *much* more interested in the LCD displays located in the main seating area that showed, not a word of a lie, the GPS position of the ferry, including speed, heading, eta, all overlayed on a nice topographical map showing exactly where the ferry was and it’s projected path.
Fucking clueless, from beginning to end. Perhaps people would be more amenable to following rules if they felt some actual *thought* went into them.
I’m so glad I moved to New Zealand. None of that bull **** here. Sometimes don’t even have to go through metal detectors for domestic flights. I arrive at the airport in Christchurch half hour before my flight departs and I’ve still got 15 minutes to spare.
Y’all have three options. 1. Revolution. Personally costly. 2. Put up with it. 3. Leave. Move the hell out of the States. Yeah yeah, I know some of you are going to give me the “don’t let the door hit you on the way out” answer. We’re both glad to be rid of each other so it’s efficient. The rest of you can stay in the states and take turns anally probing each other for explosives; I’ll stay in New Zealand.
You should have told them you were blind.
Fantastic. You sir, are a king among men.
to all the fools bitching at David:
you are all pathetic fools for tolerating this shameless window dressing fake security that is just designed to keep you the frightened little cowards you are. While you’re mindlessly smiling and trying to turn the fascism into lemonade, we are left with no real security AT ALL. WAKE up you fools, they aren’t doing **** to “protect us”, these republican pigs have ONE purpose, and that is to CONTROL you. They will try ti make you submit anyway they can. Don’t.
#10: Pilot + Presciption glasses?
Smells fishy… 🙂
Wow-
It’s amazing how many people are so willing to cede their individuality to be “secure.” It’s also amazing to see how many peoples’ time is more important than their freedom.
I got to the response where someone said that they hoped there was a middle ground between being a sheeple and a douche-bag. Maybe there is, but the middle ground is a losing battle these days. Look at all the people who are more interested in “order” than in “freedom.” Being a douchebag was exactly his point- he WANTED to underscore how arbitrary and capricious this “system” is. You cannot “reason” with it, and authorities don’t listen to you when you talk nice. So what are you left with?
If you don’t mind being searched, herded, and harrassed, then for God’s sake, don’t call ours a freedom loving society. It is not. Call it anything, but do not wax poetic about loving freedom and restoring/securing democracy and all that crap.
If anything, we are stuck somewhere between Orwell and Huxley.
i loved this story. i loved yer attitude. i would have suffered a bottleneck for your disobedience. cheers.
Travelling from Bermuda to the States a couple of months ago, I went through US Customs in Bermuda before the flight (generally very convenient to do). I had brought with me a ham & cheese sandwich to eat at the airport since we had a couple of hours to kill.
The customs agent asked me about the ususal litany of plants, animals, etc. that I might be transporting. I said no, just my sandwich for lunch. She asked to see it. I showed it to her. She then said I couldn’t take it with me, verboten.
After some useless arguing I said fine, I’ll just polish it off now. NO, she said, that was not allowed. I asked why I could not eat my sandwich, it would take about two big bites. “Security”, she said. “Surely you are joking”, I replied. I don’t need to go throught the whole back and forth for you, you can see where this line of discussion was headed.
I had to make a choice. Every fiber in me wanted to wolf down that sandwich and give her a big grin, but I was travelling with my wife and my three children and I knew that that course would both set the wrong example (maybe) and certainly create a whole lot of aggravation for the family. So I simply threw away a perfectly good sandwich and muttered a lot.
To this day I regret not eating that sandwich in front of her.
I remember a television station did a hidden camera investigation of LAX’s TSA people and found some of them stole from passengers that were walking through security checkpoints.
http://www.nbc4.tv/moregrover/4508961/detail.html
I think you did the right thing and if everyone did the right thing this would hold up everyone in line and maybe people would start to miss their planes. Only then, when the airline companies started to complain would any of the rules get changed. The problem is most of the people are sheep and refuse to get in an argument with authority. The only solution is for the rest of us to take charge and show that this process of accosting people doesn’t work and people won’t stand for it! Just imagine if 5% of the people had a 10min argument with the TSA agents about wearing sunglasses, the lines wouldn’t move. The only reason they harassed you is because they thought by intimidating you the other people in line would get scared and not pull the **** you pulled.
So people, lets revolt and act like **** because being nice obviously hasn’t worked. Just remember they won’t harass us if we all do it.
Okay. I was very suprised when I read you got negative responses! To the people who think you should have just given in, they are so wrong. Because our limp inactivity and our wild ability to be pushed around is **** ing us over. Thats right Andy. **** .
I seem to keep repeating this all over the place.
Here in America, we’ve NEVER in LIVING memory had a foreign army step on our soil. We here have no idea what it’s like to have bombs dropped on our major cities with regularity and with malice. So, we rail against the “new infrastructure” laid out to “make us safer”. The –real– problem with this whole thing is that it’s too much and too new for our poor “omg I need more Pepto/Tums/Xantac75” stomachs to take. Israel, South Korea, Germany, England, Ireland, and I’m sure many other countries have had some kind of protection level for years, that was/is above the level we’re experiencing now. 16 years ago, I was boarding a Korean Airline flight for Seoul. They wouldn’t let me on with my Swiss Army Knife. SIXTEEN years ago! Just think if instead of being the “oh, this could never happen in impenetrable, inviolate, ‘ain’t gonna ever happen here’ America”, if we’d have watched what was going on outside our borders, and realised that our security had gotten lax, maybe we’d have caught those box cutters at the metal detector and the Twin Towers would still be standing.
But sadly, no… so, now we have even tougher airport security checks that are being equally ignored by the security officials of today as the “less effective” ones of 16 years ago.
More does not always equal better.
I don’t applaud him, but I do understand him.
For the record, I don’t know that I would have done what you did, but I profoundly disagree with the people writing comments here who seem to have been made violently upset by your actions.
Before I get ahead of myself, allow me to say that it is hard to overlook that fact that we are talking here about sunglasses, and what you did or did not do with your sunglasses. That is silly.
The saying is, “Choose your battles,” isn’t it? You chose yours, and maybe it was a silly one, maybe not. That is the sort of question I am comfortable answering at another time.
My desire to write something here actually derives from my observation that in whatever way you (the author), in this situation at the airport were the silly one, your silliness COULD NOT POSSIBLY exceed the way in which the TSA is silly, George Bush is silly, and the blazin’ fury of people angered by your blog, is silly!
I find that the strongest critiques leveled against you are ridiculous in excess of your transgressions.
The people dismayed by your behavior are writing comments that amount to an extention of the absurd policing you encountered at the airport. This is not to say that they cannot criticize you for your actions, but too many of the comments sound so hot-headed and passionately outraged, as to leave me with no choice but to WONDER ABOUT THEM…
Who are these people? Is this a new hobby I don’t know about? In my personal opinion these people have internalized the so-called rules you were flaunting, and they are basically defending them. The words and the tone of their comments suggest that they are somehow PERSONALLY offended.
Such folks will ensure that this absurd brand of “security” has a future, rather than – as the Bush Admin would like you to believe – the so-called threat of a future terrorist attack.
They are de facto apologists for the TSA.
[…] it in the lexicon immediately, and spread it far and wide.[…]
Some insider info. Please delete this after reading or we will have to kill you.
TSA employees are required to make “direct eye contact” with each subject. If a subject fails to make eye contact, they fit the profile of a potential suspicious subject. Wearing sunglasses prevents eye contact from being made, thus they ask you to remove the sunglasses. It’s all a ruse meant to see whether or not you will make the eye contact once you remove the sunglasses.
If you do not make direct eye contact, you will become a “selectee” for additional screening, and thus you go off to the shorter line (but more intensive scrutiny). Being argumentive also will put you into that line.
This is derived from the Israeli method of airline security screening where they are looking for body language clues that tag you as a suspicious candidate for additional screening. There are many more, but we can’t tell you.
this is the funniest thing i have read in a long time! thanks so much for the laughs. i found your blog through boingboing and i’ll be returning regularly. 🙂
What a coincidence – you are traveling to help your Dad battle a person who is frivolously wasting everyone’s time with the lawsuit, so you in turn decide to waste the time of all those TSA employees! I guess you just wanted to get even with the universe at large!
Good story – a lot of people don’t seem to understand that power is usually absused one small step at a time. If it’s not a law, there’s no reason why you should be forced to remove your glasses.
For the record, I don’t know that I would have done what you did, but I profoundly disagree with the people writing comments here who seem to have been made violently upset by your actions.
Before I get ahead of myself, allow me to say that it is hard to overlook that fact that we are talking here about sunglasses, and what you did or did not do with your sunglasses. That is silly.
The saying is, “choose your battles,” isn’t it? And you chose yours, and maybe it was a silly one, maybe not. At some point that became no longer the most important question.
What is most profoundly illustrated by the whole sequence of events you describe is the patently fascist response deployed in that situation to control you, and what you could and could not in that situation do.
My desire to write something here derives primarily from my observation that in whatever way you (the author), in this situation at the airport were the silly one, your silliness COULD NOT POSSIBLY exceed the way in which the TSA is silly, George Bush is silly, and the outrage of those people angered by your blog, is silly!
I find that the strongest critiques leveled against you are ridiculous in excess of your transgressions.
The people dismayed by your behavior are writing comments that amount to an extention of the absurd policing you encountered at the airport. This is not to say that they cannot criticize you for your actions, but too many of the comments sound so hot-headed and passionately outraged, as to leave me with no choice but to WONDER ABOUT THEM…
Who are these people? In my personal opinion these people have internalized the so-called rules you were flaunting, and they are basically defending them. The words and the tone of their comments suggest that they are somehow PERSONALLY offended.
Such folks will ensure that this absurd brand of “security” has a future, rather than – as the Bush Admin would like you to believe – the so-called “threat” of a future terrorist attack. The most the Bush Admin is going to get out of the whole situation since 9/11 does, and will continue to, come in the form of its ability to control people.
Those who took such strong exception to what you did are de facto apologists for the TSA, and are the “bread and butter” of the Bush Admin’s regime.
[…] But I guess some people enjoy screwing with the mentally challenged. […]
Airport security…isn’t. I can walk through security with any number of items without ever being noticed. Liquids? Just keep them on your person when you walk through the metal detector. A large amount? Wear a camel pack. We all already know how easy it is to get a faked boarding pass.
The fact is that not a single terrorist plot has EVER been stopped by US airport security. You are no safer in an airport than outside it, though to be quite frank, you’re pretty damned safe outside of one too.
All this farce has been is another abuse of authority. The more people get used to it and accept it, the further these little goosestepping gestapo agents will go.
Remember when America was the “Land of the free and the home of the brave?” Now, we aren’t free and our government certainly isn’t brave.
Very nice. I think the people that are flaming you, really don’t understand just how (for the lack of a better word) retarded the TSA’s actions are. One time going through LAX with my 4 year old son (who shares my name), I got pulled to the side for extra security because the ticket agents didn’t differentiate between Sr. and Jr. on our tickets. The TSA guy asked me which ticket was which, and when I told him I didn’t know, and that I didn’t really think it made a difference. BAM. All my things were searched and I got heavily patted down. All in front of my confused little man. When I think about it, I think maybe he was giving me a chance (I guess I could have picked one and said “that’s mine”) and was going to let me through. But, being in a place like that where everything you do is subject to intense scrutiny and the possibility of even more scrutiny, lying to them would have seemed worse.
Apparently you have way too much time on your hands and are some kind of left-wing hippy freak who couldn’t be bothered to perform a simple task. You should have gotten jail time, imho.
I see that #41 mentioned John Gilmore and his fight against secret laws in the US. I imagine that you’ve read something about it by now.
I suspect that most of the negative comments you’ve gotten from this are people who’ve actually bought into the security theatre–and it’s very important to them to hold on to that.
Something very similar to this happened to my wife and I awhile ago. This was when flying out of High Point, North Carolina (which is obviously the first place the terrorists will go). My wife had a single, partially used tube of hand lotion. It was 1.5 fl oz when new, probably only about 0.75 fl oz at this point. She did not have a one quart clear plastic bag, and all fluids you want to carry on have to fit into one of those bags. So she just held the lotion out by itself.
The TSA guard said she could not take it with her, because it was not in a one quart, clear plastic bag. She asked why gels and liquids had to be in such a bag. The answer was that they needed to be able to tell instantly if the total volume of gels and liquids you were carrying on was under a quart or not.
My wife pointed out that she only had the one tube, and even if it were totally full it would be only 1.5 fl oz, which is much less than a quart. The TSA agent said, “Yes ma’am, but it isn’t in a plastic bag.”
SNL actually did a great skit about training TSA agents, where they pointed out the obvious–6 oz is dangerous, but 4 oz is safe? What if two people each take 4 oz onboard and *combine* them?
Following my wife in line (and realizing if she kept protesting they would probably do something nasty to me), I had to go through the metal detector 4 times even though I didn’t have a single piece of metal anywhere on my body. No watch. No jewelry (even took off my wedding ring), no money, no shoes, no belt. After the first time through the detector, I smiled at the TSA agent and said, “Wow, that’s odd, I literally have no metal on me anywhere.” She replied, “Sir, please step back through the machine.”
I said, “OK, but I really don’t have any metal.” She flipped out and screamed at me, “Sir, look at me when I’m talking to you. Look at me and do exactly what I say. Step back through the machine.” So I did. And the machine went off again. She got even more upset. “Sir, do NOT TOUCH THE MACHINE.”
“I didn’t touch the machine.”
“Yes, you did.”
“No, I really didn’t.”
“Sir, you aren’t listening to me. Do not touch the machine. Step through again.”
I stepped through again. And miraculously, the randomly-buzzing machine was silent. She looked at me and said, “Now see, if you just do what I say the first time I tell you, everything goes much quicker.”
Crazy.
What I see as the core issue here is that people who are in charge of enforcing the law informed you that you were required to obey laws that do not, in fact, exist.
Allowing individuals, no matter their job description, to make up on the spot laws that the rest of are then obliged to follow is in fact a very big deal indeed, and should be resisted.
Good **** ing grief. I have not flown in over 10 years, I am going to in a few months. **** . So, I actually was out at a bar being kind of **** ty to my pool opponent (he was not calling his shots and taking forever to take his turn). I was saying things like: “DO you want to **** ing play or not?. Dammit.” SO, just then a woman approaches me and tells me she “likes my attitude”…. and offered me a job as security at the Madison airport! HAAR! I laughed and told her I would never pass the drug screening.
you. are. an. idiot.
have the intelligence to realize that the precaution is for yours and every one elses’ safety. you must have just felt like a **** y ignorant dick that day.
Just do as your told. I have never had a single issue with any TSA staff because I just do what they want. They have a **** ty, thankless job and **** s just piss them off and then your asking for a date with a rubber glove.
In fact next time you go on a flight after they do all the checks even if they are being a little stand-offish with you, thank them for keeping the country safe. Sure some of the new rules are stupid but the TSA guys at the airport didn’t make them and I am sure they think the whole fluids thing is stupid too.
[…] False Authority Syndrome » davidgagne.net I get so bloody frustrated, annoyed and MAD at airports now – fantastic story. (tags: airport humor security terrorism) […]
[…] False Authority Syndrome » davidgagne.net I raised my hand to my face to remove my sunglasses and stopped. She wasn’t smiling because she was nice. She was smiling because she was suffering from False Authority Syndrome! The poor child. In the most disarming, rational, peaceful, and kind voice (tags: airport america article blog Comedy fear fun humor humour rights security terrorism writing TSA News) […]
On one occasion at LAX, I was much relieved after waiting 20 minutes for the security personnel to finally decide to remove the threat of my barrette from my carry-on luggage. After all, that barrette could potentially have been used to make someone’s hair unfashionable. Or they could possibly have been combined – Voltron-style – with one’s sunglasses, to create a huge, dangerous mega hair accessory that encompasses one’s entire cranium, compromising the safety of everyone on board the plane in some unforeseen manner.
I guess I ought not to complain, though – back then, one could still have shampoo in one’s carry-on. And water to rinse it out with. Not to mention that perennial threat to mankind, chapstick that comes in a squeeze tube.
Joining the ranks of other commenters, I have to say, this was one of the funniest things I have ever read. Not that your inconvenience and irritation as funny, but your commentary was freaking hilarious!
Very funny, more so because it is the truth.
TSA agents need to get promoted. Nobody wants to spend their carrier standing at the top of the stairs.
If all of us were to be perfect and compliant citizens they would have no threats to report to the higher ups. No threats means no promotions. They need us to be flipant. If the very few of us that do stand up for our rights stopped, then TSA would have nothing to do all day long and have nothing to show for their pointless efforts.
All of you that berate him for standing up for his principals should be thanking him. If they don’t have folks like Dave to screen they will pick one of you upright citizens at random for breaking a secret SSI law.
I apologize for not reading ALL the comments here, so this is for the ‘just-take-off-the-glasses’ folks. What if they were asking him to remove his clothes? Say you’re carrying a baby and they feel you’re hiding something and they want you to disrobe the child and take off its diaper? Is that okay if they say its a law? What if you’re a cancer patient and wearing a scarf over your head? Or a toupee? Do you think its right to make people take those off in public? I mean, I know they’re just stupid sunglasses–but it is ridiculous the amount of ‘security’ you have to go through when they let lots of critical **** slide through.
By the way, LAX is literally the gateway to hell. I flew to Canada (Vancouver) last year and left without a problem. Great! But getting back into the U.S… I’m an American citizen, born & raised in SoCal, I have a California driver’s license, U.S. passport, and several other forms of I.D. Getting back into the U.S. was embarassing, humiliating, and needlessly stupid. I was questioned aloud in front of thousand of waiting people about where I live, how long have I lived there, who I lived with, what is my relationship with the person I’m traveling with (he’s also SoCal born & raised, same types of ID’s), and what I’m doing in California. After explaining about my life, giving out my address, birthdate, outing myself and my partner in public, the ‘security officer’ gave me back my U.S. passport and California driver’s license and we were free to go home (where I’ve lived all my life). So yeah, LAX’s ‘security & customs’ have some big **** ing problems.
She shouldn’t have yelled Threat Alert- she should’ve yelled Idiot Alert. Take off the damn sunglasses and don’t be a douche.
The TSA protecting us from future acts of violence is really like clapping with one hand.
People who choose to act violently are going to hurt us sooner or later, it is how we handle it from this point forward that will help us move to being a worldly neighbor.
Unfortunately we are still all about ourselves, kind of like the unruly young one acting out amongst his elders.
How old are we (the U.S) and how old are there (other countries)? But they don’t know anything, right? We must show them….
Very enjoyable. I think your detractors are missing and important point. Civil disobedience is one effective way to fight the government’s ridiculous laws and regulations. Will those who say you should have just taken your glasses off repeat the rhetoric when asked to submit to finger prints, retina scans, a DNA sample, your clothes, or to interrogation? I think the answer would be yes. People who blindly bow to authority without question or challenge have always existed. That’s how the last Nazi’s managed to be so evil.
“Yea. Just do as you are told. Don’t make a fuss. Just go with the flo. Just conform, just bend over and close your eyes this will all be over soon. Why can’t you just do as you’re told? It’s all about everyone’s safety. It’s all about security.”
What a load of crap.
You sheep fully deserve the country you’ve got.
To all the people complaining about his David’s actions:
If your willing to put up with inconvience for the illusion of safety, YOU are part of the problem.
We’ve turned our Airports into Police states (as the officer put it, he wasn’t in LA anymore), and the bulk of the populace puts up with the BS because they don’t want to think for themselves. I applaud David, and encourage everyone to stand up for their rights. I am sorry that the poor individuals trying to eek out a living as a TSA agent have to bear the brunt of the problem, but the fact is our government isn’t interested in our freedoms anymore, they just want to put on a show and make people entertained, or drive them down to the point where they just eek through it to avoid the pain. Thats not freedom, and it definately doesn’t fall under the pursuit of happiness.
Bravo Dave – Lets hope others follow your example.
For 17 years I lived in Romania under the communist totalitarian regime. Since 1989 Romania is no longer communist. Why do I feel now that I am back in communist Romania where abuse of power was law? Nowadays you can’t go anywhere without being ridiculed by some incompetent lazy fool for being an intelligent person concerned about stupid, inefficient, and unsafe rules\regulations that decimate the capability of providing real security in our airports.
I wonder if anyone has been through the Tel Aviv airport, and what is their opinion on the ‘competence’level exibited by their security staff compared to the TSA staff.
“Your Papers,Sir.” “Your water, Sir.” “Your religious affiliation, sir.” Sound familiar? That is what it amounts to. This security we all desire is just asking for the government to step in and control every move we make. We need to take care of ourselves..and not rely on the government to do it for us. (who by the way, haven’t done that great of a job) I say, wear the glasses, carry the water, and drink it…I would have chugged every last drop…security be damned! What would they have done… arrested you for quenching your thirst? (probably) But oh, what a story that would have been!! Your story has only confirmed my plans to drive to my future destinations whenever possible. I hate to waste my time and cognitive reasoning skills on ridiculous security efforts. Glad you didn’t cry…those tears could have been a serious security breach…..:)
#146 you might want to read ALL the comments. The comments cover why the face/eyes need to be uncovered. The regulation only covers facial coverings and yes, there was a big bru-ha-ha about religious protection for Muslims wearing Burkas but that was last year’s news on TSA policy. If you need assistance with screening regulations, the TSA currently recommends visiting their website or contacting your carrier before flying.
TSA is messed up, they have no idea what they are doing or why… Was flying in to Seattle on a direct flight from Amsterdam a couple of weeks ago, taxiing to the terminal actually when a flight attendant announced on the intercom that all passengers were required to have identification in hand as they exited the airplane. WTF? Like we didn’t go through security BEFORE we got on the plane? Sure enough, there were two armed TSA cops at the end of the jetway, checking passports. Like, someone got on the airplane who wasn’t supposed to, between Amsterdam & Seattle, in the air?!?! Maybe its just SeaTac airport: for a long time, before they reconfigured the airport, you had to go through a security checkpoint (x-ray, searches, etc.) AGAIN after disembarking an airplane, even if you were just headed for the baggage claim or exit. Idiots.
yes,some of those people sound definitely like they have “False Authority Syndrome”, but then again, so do your actions.
If there’s a regulation about covering your eyes at the TSA website, trunsky, why don’t you link to it?
Screw the nay-sayers; never let them get to you. When you see bull **** (be it in the parallel TSA world, on the street, what-have-you), call it for what it is: BULLSHIT! If we let these **** ers just continue to scare us into being children, then we deserve whatever reaming they give us.
Land of the Free, Home of the Brave
It’s a “different, post 9-11 world” my ass. Only if we let them do this to us. Stand up, people! For **** ’s sake, have some pride.
And if you are just too chicken **** to deal with the world, and want to hide under the bed for the rest of your lives… at least have the decency to let the rest of us remain upright human beings, without having to hear you mew from the floor about how the few brave ones of us are “being unreasonable.”
The Founding Fathers would have tossed you into Boston Harbor, along with all that tea!
You really are an **** . What makes you special? Nothing. You act like a dildo and you’ll get treated like one. GIGO.
People critizing David, ever heard of something called non-cooperation? Look it up. It is a very interesting concept.
If the woman had given reasons politely for her request, I am sure any reasonable person would have complied (this to replay to the people saying that this is necessary in order to compare with IDs).
In any case, I have been through LA airport in transit and was one of my worst experiences.
I have gone through security and immigrations in places like Vietnam and Turkey and I was not treated with the contempt that I was in LA.
Not only that, I saw how they treated Chinese people in transit somewhere else.
And the suggestion of several people is to conform. What a bunch of gutless sods.
I have flown about a dozen times in the past year and I have made a point to take a lighter with me (sometimes multiple) in case the plane goes down and I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere and need a camp fire! I also did it because everytime I go through an airport, I see numerous of TSA agents scratching their asses and not doing a single thing. Even if it’s slow, they should be doing SOMETHING… like opening up more of the 3 (out of 4) security lines so that the line to go through isn’t 3 miles long.
I think it’s dumb that you have to take off your shoes. If the “shoe bomber” hid the explosives in his ass, would we all be required to drop our pants and get TSA hands up our ass??
The one thing that gave me a good laugh was the “microexpressions.” Puh. Leez. If they were trained to read micro-expressions, they’d quit their job after a day or two of getting hundreds of micro-expressions that translated to something like this:
“You’re a **** ing idiot.”
The TSA seems, has always seemed and will always seem like the McDonald’s of security agencies. They hire anyone who hasn’t recently bombed a Mosque and treat them like mushrooms (Feed them **** and keep ’em in the dark).
[…] Sunglasses at LAX – TSA An interesting read if you have a few minutes.. False Authority Syndrome davidgagne.net […]
#157 The regulation does not prohibit you from wearing head coverings but if you do, you are subject to additional screening which is exactly what happened with David as described here:
http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/assistant/editorial_1037.shtm
I’m from Brazil, where military dictatorship was in full effect until 1984. All I have to say is that this is chillingly familiar. Everyone knows the USA supported all the autocratic regimes of the time (Operation Condor anyone?). But down here we never thought that it would itself, one day, become one. Be wary my North American friends, be very wary.
That’s a super-funny story!
Thanks for the entertainment tonight!
If anything, we are stuck somewhere between Orwell and Huxley.
First #116 you need to revise this. we are not stuck we are solidly and rapidly moving towards Orwell – we are just CURRENTLY between then.
Next Freedom is more important than anything including security. Security has no meaning if you are not free. I do not recognize Secret Laws. Period. If I am bound by it it must be public. Period end of discussion. I hope for both our sakes NO TSA agent EVER utters the acronym SSI to me…..
the rest of you really should be ashamed of yourselves to call yourselves americans while bowing down to this tyranny. No matter how small the infraction. Freedom is Freedom period. no grey no inbetween.
DO NOT SUBMIT – that is a guaranteed way to lose everything.
Positional bullies. I don’t like them.
American Airlines lost me as a customer when a security idiot/bully gave me a difficult time at Heathrow. I was not in a happy mood as I was flying home because my Mother was dying (she died six days later) and had to change my flight plans as well as was flying one way (from Kazakhstan).
After almost an hour of his bs and harassment I demanded to see his supervisor. He nonchalantly said that won’t be necessary and walked off. I did complain to one of the supervisors and he was having a chat with the bully as I boarded the plane. Since then I have over 200k miles on Delta and Continental.
He cost AA a lot of money as I was permitted to fly first/business class.
Some idiots in TSA are positional bullies. I detest bullies. They are scum. Remember when they had a mass hiring. Many came from the ranks of the chronic unemployed. There is a reason they had problems getting and holding a job.
Their bullying activities are under color of authority. The sad thing is TSA will defend these idiots and prosecute you.
OH this is fantastic. This has all the elements of a great story! Now here’s a thought…what would people have thought if you published this on 9/10/2001? They would think you were crazy and that those things could never be said or done by real people in the real world. You would have gotten a failing grade in a creative writing class, but look where we are! No offense intended by the way, you write very well, that’s not my point…
Actually, thank you for not taking this all laying down. It makes me so mad when people don’t question how ridiculous things have become.
That was hysterical. You’ve got bogger balls than me – I’d be crying. But then, I’m a bit of a **** when it comes to authority. Ha ha.
Someone ought to change the name of the TSA to FASists.
[…] She looked at me as if I was a freshly-shaved Osama bin Laden in a sports coat and khakis. She became stern. “Take them off, please.” Link. Posted by karenrani @ 9:07 pm • Elsewhere Other Crazy Posts:Found My ChiComeback: Part OneDid I SAY the Carnage had Stopped? […]
Great article! I had a similar run in at an Airport in VA. I had forgotten a flat painter’s razon tucked in my wallet (for convenience on the job i keep a spare tucked away) and the TSA kats operating the X-ray made it seems like the Earth had failed to complete it’s rotation. I was whisked off to makeshift “cubicle” of black drapes and i too received the double-ultra frisk. However, I was simultaneously interrogated with menacing questions like “So, how’d you plan to take down the plane?” and ” You know you’re gonna be fined $10,000 for this violation, right?” I managed to survive this situation, but I wans’t able to board until after being solemnly admonished by the Headmaster of the TSA. Happy flights!
My only problem with Tim McVeigh is that he didn’t use a bigger bomb.
What I find amazing is that some people are actually hardass enough to lambast D.G. for resisting authority.
Thanks for being one of the fighters, who won’t roll over and give up the few rights we have left in this country!
Etaoin, replace the word “hardass” with the word “cowed” and it might become less amazing.
[…] Link to False Authority Syndrome » davidgagne.net […]
i was @ o hara after a flight from heathrow. it wasw approx 2 am. after a massive line @ customs my bags were brutalized by korzag the security **** er. i had to go thru security @ heathrow rite? and i wasnt a big enough threat to be kicked off a trans-atlantic flight. and yet, i was checked 3 times after customs. i kid you not. had to change terminals and got on that decrepid tram thing. a woman was getting off it with her baby carrage with 2 kids in it. the doors slammed shut and trapped it in the middle. almost took off the kid in the front’s hand. there is a button you have 2 push from the inside of the tram to re open. lawsuits anyone?almost missed flight due to three massive black woman TSA personnel. wouldnt interreupt their conversation to run my bags thru yet ANOTHER x-ray. i was the only person remotly near them. wouldnt make eye contact either. terrible experence. had to haul ass and got there as they were closing the hatch.
One of the greatest joys in my life is just how nice and polite the Border Patrol is compared to the TSA idiots–even though the Border Patrol is an infinately more fascist organization (they have the right to search you anywhere NEAR the border, even while you are in the United States, even if you haven’t been to Mexico). However, I certainly don’t mind them because they are polite and professional which is mainly due to their selection process and training–neither of which the TSA has in any manner. We need to get rid of the TSA (as well as the majority of “Homeland Security”) and implement a system that is professional, reasonable, and most important WORKS.
Good for you, incidently, at pushing back a bit against the TSA.
I personally agree with your decisions completely and fully – I hate that the TSA, whose employees get paid by our tax dollars, really makes nothing secure. I hate the illusion of security and quite frankly, I’d rather be able to get out of my car, pass through one metal detector WITH my shoes on, and get on my plane. Well this is the world we live in. The TSA gets paid to harass it’s financeers, and planes are no more secure to show for it.
P.S. – I’m rather curious where you keep your pocket knives so as not to be detected. My travel bag had one in it that I had forgotten about, but still made it through 3 security check points and was finally caught on my last flight back home.
These TSA agent forget that the passengers are customers and if havent done anything wrong then they shoudn’t be treated as terrorists. The lady who asked to take off the glasses should have explained why she needed to see his eyes. Especially if others folks get through with sunglasses. The fact the screeners didnt have him remove his sunglasses shows she had a bone to pick and shes the reason why the issue was escalated. people who think he’s the problem are as bad as the jews who sold out their own in the camps.
Thanks for the link, trunksy. The TSA info on “religious and cultural needs” is interesting in itself (esp. the picture of the holy dagger or whatever) but Gagne’s account has the TSA agent insisting there is a rule that he must remove his sunglasses. If there is such a rule, it should be on the TSA site as well.
I find it amazing that some people here think that your actions didn’t brand you a threat. You were being irrational, combative, and obstinate. These are the symptoms of the deranged. Not all terrorists are well-trained, calm killers. Some of them are just nuts, just like you were acting.
Having to take off sunglasses or answer questions is not a sign of fascism. I don’t know what school some of you went to, but this doesn’t all add up to an iron fist. America is not in any danger of teetering into fascism, and I really would like to track down the blog that started all of this abject paranoia.
It’s some sort of herd mentality. One person makes an untrue statement in their blog and suddenly we have 10,000 idiots running around the net claiming they have no rights.
It would be humorous if it weren’t so dangerous. One of these days one of you closet nuts is going to be elected, and God help us when you do.
I purposefully make sure to wear my black trenchcoat and sunglasses every time I fly. Getting into the “special” security line is FAR faster then the normal line. Muahhahaha!
Two years ago, my wife and I flew to LAX from our local international. We were pressed for time and I foolishly checked our laptop. On arrival, it had been replaced by a cookbook (a “foreign object” inserted into our luggage.) On return, we took the matter up with the Airport Authority, who apologetically told us that theft was an ongoing problem with the TSA baggage screeners. (The cookbook, incidentally, yielded no discernable fingerprints, presumably an advantage of wearing those blue, nitrile gloves we all pay for.) No suspects were ever arrested.
This year we flew into Spokane. My wife (who suffers from type 1 diabetes and uses an insulin pump) carries insulin in her onboard baggage, as this is literally a matter of life or death to her. Each sealed, prescription-labelled carton had to be opened and each vial swabbed with nitrate detector (one of which inexplicably tested positive.) After much ado over literally nothing, we were finally about to be set free, when the screener found the Play-Doh my wife thoughtlessly put into our toddler’s luggage. I looked on in near panic, certain we were about to be “detained.”
There were no nitrate swabs, no orders to discard the stuff, not even a detailed inspection. She opened one of the cans and mashed through the contents with her fingers, apparently looking for something other than a plastic, adherent, puttylike substance that closely resembles Semtex, C-4 or potassium chlorate/vaseline.
No worries. We were cleared in a moment and boarded without further incident.
I know that *I* sleep better knowing these people are hard at work doing whatever the **** it is they’re doing…
Congratulations!
The US is turning into a freakin’ police state and it looks like hardly anyone cares!
Thank God SOMEONE is willing to take on the mindless robots.
America is not a free country when there are “secret” laws.
For all the people who say “just take off your sunglasses” — next year it will be your pants and underwear.
The year after that you have to bend over too.
When they take away your water bottles and toothpaste somebody’s gotta say something!
Way to go, Hero!
We once had more like you, who said “give me liberty or give me death!” — now we mostly have mindless who drones who moo “take off your sunglasses”.
Thank You! — Does no one else wonder what the “land of the free and home of the brave” is turning into ? “The land of the terrorized and home of the bullied” — someone should make a video and put it on youtube!
I ask questions every time I fly (in or to the US–this is not happening in most of the world), and I am given special treatment every time. My wife is getting annoyed at always having to wait for me, but I have actually started scheduling time for hassling and being hassled by the TSA. They do not have the right to do the things they are doing, and the more people who just laugh at them when they try, the closer we will be to getting the situation fixed. A few more minutes of your time in the airport is worth more to you than your basic Constitutional rights? Well, mine aren’t. Live with it.
What the hell kind of point were you trying to prove? I am one of the biggest civil libertarians, but this is just BS. Poor you, you where so oppressed. They have a complete right to ask you to remove your sunglasses while addressing you. Another thing, “show me the law”? Did you expect for them to break out a bloody carved in stone code for your convenience? Just because you do not know the law, does not make it, not the law. Our legal system states quite clearly that ignorance of the law is not an excuse for breaking it. You even stated that you commonly carry pocket knives with you. This is clearly against the law, and you acknowledge as much!
People like you who bitch about issues like these distract from the real issue of our civil liberties going down the toilet in this country. Imagine if the civil right leaders where as trite as you, the Woolworth four simply wanted food, Rosa Park was just attached to a particular bus seat, Dr. King just wanted to visit the Lincoln memorial.
My advice to you, is try and educate yourself about real causes and issues, and focus on those. It is obvious that you want to make a point about something, but be sure what you are making a point about is worth it, in other words, keep your eyes on the prize.
This short blog made my day!!! I enjoyed the sarcastic but, “so true” humor in False Authority Sydrome so much that I had to
forward it to all my friends. They too will now feel better knowing
how safe they are and that their tax dollars are being used wisely…NOT!!
For those of you who with no common sense and want to justify
your monotonus exsistance
on this planet … please apply within…. The TSA could use
A FEW MORE LAB RATS for their maze…..
in our counrty we say “We laugh at our demise”. the only thing that would make this story funnier than in already is you telling them they have False Authoritay Syndrome XD
Nice work man… I’m not that confrontational, but I get easily pissed at the airline people. We were flying on a couple weeks ago (out of Canada, mind you) just after the liquid/gel restrictions had been eased, and they made us dump out our baby’s water. Apparently milk or baby formula is ok, but not water! What a crock — I’m not walking around a hot airport with milk rotting in a bottle, and formula is generally horrid soy-protein crap that makes kids allergic to everything on the planet.
I think the people implying you’re not a patriot because you don’t bend over backwards for the government had better brush up on their American history…
Commment 75 said:
I’m not sure why you are so annoyed by your experience – you brought it on yourself. Why didn’t you just remove the sun glasses the first time? It would have taken, what, 6 seconds out of your life? You responded like a petulant child; you might as well have glared sulkily and muttered “Dun’ Wanna’”. I’m glad that you didn’t waste the time of other passengers (you can’t fairly claim you didn’t waste anyones time, seeing as you wasted the time of several TSA agents because you really WEREN’T a threat, just a jerk) but I can’t help but wonder if you would pull this again. Was it even worth it for you?
If the TSA agents asked you to kiss their asses, … it will only take 6 seconds … how would you respond? It’s not a queston of time, but one of principle.
Good on you David.
For those of you who have criticised his actions have you ever wondered why outside your country most people refer to the USA as the LOTFAP? Land of the Free and Paranoid….
Dude you’re a douche.
Sometimes authority needs to be questioned and even laughed at. And the heck with the guy behind you that just wants to get home to watch his favorite t.v. program. America is fast losing it’s independent spirit.
It is impossible to witness the manor of human interaction by the TSA not understand that it is designed to intimidate. The formulation is rather easy, just look at any indoctrination program by our military. Take a stressfull situation, add some fear, and then tell the recruit about some details they will have to remember during said exersize. The TSA is “just doing its job” trying to scare the crap out of you so the unstable elements will reveal themselves, thus the confrontational style. There are no rules, do everything they say and act very sorry.
This is by all means obtrusive, demeaning, and humiliating, it was designed to be that way. The question is, is it worth it. You have to ask yourself that when you see that guy in line in front of you, that doesn’t quite look right…….
Wow. I am dumbfounded. And recovering from a good laugh.
Next time I travel to/from the US (I’m in Canada) I’ll keep this post in mind, especially with LAX.
Wow.
Kudos on standing ur ground.
Thanks for doing this man, this is an important step that more people need to follow. Mass resistance to idiocy, and insanity is the direction that WE as a people need to preserve the last precepts that made this country what it was.
On the note of the shills that have invaded your comments section: Most likely these are people that are paid off by the right wing to post their right wing un-American sentiments (yes, I did say un-American, because this country was founded on the resistance to tyrannical government) …..
It makes me wonder what would have happened if our ancestors (you know, the ones that fought for and founded this country), would have attempted to make the radical changes that they were willing to sacrifice their lives for in this day and age.
Once again, more power to you.
Never give a **** ing INCH, and don’t let the bastards get you down.
P.S. Spamfilter word/box did not show up in FF 2.0
I just wanted to say that i love your story, its hilarious (and a little scary/sad) that this is the world we live in today.
However, what i love even more is the Nov 2nd update. Do people really have the time to disect your story like that. I mean someone went out and researched whether or not Southwest has a direct flight from LAX to PVD. How is that at all pertinent to the story.
Also I find it interesting that while you are walking around with multiple pocket knives. I have had at least 4 tweezers confiscated by the TSA…God forbid anyone have nicely shaped eyebrows 🙂
thanks for admitting that you take a knife onboard a plane…
now the people that actually OBEY the rules are going to have to deal with more b.s.
Keep on doing it…
Just… keep doing it… whenever and where ever you can!
Just wait until the REAL ID Act and NAIS move into their “mandatory enforcement” phases in 2008 and 2009.
Then you can look back and wonder why all this might have seemed childish and annoying.
What a load of crap, and a waste of time. And LAX has to be one of the worst. I’ve chosen to start flying out of Long Beach now, and you should too! It’s absolutely hassle free. My parents just flew JetBlue to Boston from Long Beach, and said they don’t even have TSA officers there. My mom boarded the plane with 5 lighters and a leatherman, and not a problem. However, going back home through Logan airport, the 5 lighters were confiscated. Just goes to show there is no consistancy among this country’s so called “safer air travel” and all of it is so ridiculous and a waste of money.
We used to do the whole LAX to Providence deal with Southwest, and I’ve had to stop due to the panic attacks dealing with the TSA. LAME!
Happy flying!
Wow – I knew TSA was absurd but this just brings it to ridiculous heights. I do hope you didn’t encounter any problems at PVD which in reality is in Warwick, RI.
The whole secret law thing irritates me. I mean, how the hell are we supposed to follow the law if we’re not allowed to examine it? Couple that to secret secret courts, warrantless search and seizure, and conditions are ripe for abuse.
Sunglasses are not a security problem, **** s who hold up the entire queue by making things difficult on already-stressed out, underpaid Federal employees are the problem.
[…] False Authority Syndrome » davidgagne.net Encore de la sécurité Potemkine (tags: fun sécurité libertés) […]
David you havent the slightest clue. There are dozens of things wrong with airport security and your protest addressed none of them. I am a bartender and I will not allow a customer to wear sunglasses in my bar. I want to see their eyes when they come in, to help me judge if they have been drinking, if they are a junky, if they are nervous (like upto something.) Very rarely a customer will refuse to take off his glasses and I will ask him to leave. This will ALWAYS result in swearing and carrying on. Because I am wronging the guy? No. Because the type of guy who can’t make a tiny concession is the type of guy who was gonna be trouble to begin with. The No Sunglasses rule has been a great filter for me. It helps me to look each customer in the eye before I serve them and helps me expose cry babies who are hiding behind sunglasses pretending to be tough.
Now, just think for a moment. If someone is calling attention to themselves in this day and age by being uncooperative with TSA, are they more or less likely to be genuine, professional, Al Qaeda-trained terrorist? Hmmm, I would assert LESS likely. That’s not to say there aren’t some idiots out there. It’s all too much stupidity designed to APPEAR like something is being done, but in actually nothing is actually being done.
You are so stupidly selfish!
You should just mindlessly obey any authority figure, without question.
After you are properly conditioned to obey, you will not question the need for a delousing shower after your train ride!
Ignore that smell coming from the crematoria.
Baaaaaah…….
#183 That is the rule!
Reread the comments, particularly #24 and #48. They’re not going to post the SSI for you to read but they do explain what they expect from you if you peruse the entire section such as prohibited items and the section I linked to which covers head coverings.
If you read between the lines on that page, you can infer that the original SSI was that no head coverings that obscure your face, including sunglasses, are to be worn. Obviously, as I mentioned about the big political debate in congress last year, this doesn’t work for those who have religious protection. Thus, TSA modified the original SSI and made an exception. You are allowed to wear head coverings but if you do wear them, you are subject to “alternate” security screenings up to removing your head covering in private. This gives the TSA an unexpected result where they would previously have had to refuse boarding for two separate groups. The exception not only allows for those for which it was intended, those with religious protection for their burkas to pass through screening but also, to those with Asshat behavior who just refuse to cooperate. This flexibility in the previously rigid SSI keeps everyone in the screening line moving and at the same time, the TSA doesn’t need to refuse boarding for the ignorant.
There’s no tyranny here. The TSA agent followed her rules appropriately by putting David in the line for additional screening. Rather than refuse boarding, which is what would have happened with the old TSA, David went through screenings with nothing more than a few extra probings. Personally, it would have been funnier if the probings would have been a bit more intimate as to impress upon him to be less ignorant about TSA regulations in the future when he travels but that’s just me.
My mom is a travel agent so sufficed to say, I’m familiar with travel as well as having been flying since I could even comprehend that I was flying to wherever my mom was taking us for vacation. Through the years of flying, I’ve noticed that there will always be folks who are new to flying or are just plain retards and think “those” regulations don’t apply to them, whether it be FAA regulations or more recently, TSA regulations. To me, it has almost become second nature for me to turn off my phone or put it in “flight mode” when the cabin doors to the ramp close or to wear as little metal that day if I know I’m going to be flying. But as experienced as I am, I’ll never know everything since regulations are always changing. The most recent TSA regulation change actually happened while I was out of town. That’s why I still called my carrier before I left the hotel even though I already knew what had changed.
I verified over the phone with them that liquids were still not allowed with the exception for those clearly labeled and less than three ounces packaged in a clear single quart bag. No harm, no foul and I felt safe that I wouldn’t have to spend any extra time going through screening than I needed to because I made sure I didn’t have any liquids in my carry-on luggage before I even got to the airport.
For those of you that are screaming, “Tyranny!” The TSA is new so you’re going to run into people who are less traveled and unfamiliar with regulations. Let’s look at an agency that’s been around for alot longer as an example. When was the last time that you saw a single person acting badly result in anything besides several admonishment from a flight attendant for an FAA regulation? If you know to keep up with the latest regulations and that it doesn’t hurt to call your carrier since they are ultimately the ones who need you on the plane, you really don’t need to be at the airport two hours in advance to catch the flight to wherever you need to go. If you are an experienced flyer and are smart about how long it takes you to get through everything, flying should be a complete stress-free experience.
For those that are serious about paying anything more than lip service to their comments, let me let you in on a little secret on how a democracy works. If you vote on November 7 and talk to your elected representative, that congressman can help you put pressure on whatever agency that you have a problem with their regulation. If enough people complain about the same regulation, you might see what is happening with the FAA’s policy on cell phone usage. The FAA is currently re-examining their policy on cell phone usage on airplanes by conducting studies in cooperation with the airlines.
I think the regulation that bans cell phone usage during take-off and landing will eventually be overturned but until that time, I think it behooves everyone to just follow regulations so everyone gets to where they’re going on time. I generally prefer the flights that are nice and quiet. This is opposed to flights with repeated announcements over the plane’s PA system during takeoff and landing because a particular inconsiderate person fails to recognize that the announcements were meant for them.
Great story. Be glad to be stuck behind you, while you stand up for what you believe in. Especially since the whole tightened security is just 1984 rearing it head! Want more…. visit cuttingthroughthematrix dot com
[…] read more | digg story […]
Good for you! More people need to stop accepting this sort of nonsense.
When I go to the airport, I wear my biker boots with the metal buckles and my biker jacket, just like I would on most any other day. Why? Because the last time I checked, this was America and I’m free to do so. I’ve got nothing to hide, so I have no qualms with these TSA folks checking my stuff, but to a reasonable limit. Go ahead, run it through the scanner. However, just because they’re tendering a salary doesn’t endow them with the investigative capabilities of Sherlock Holmes, or the authority of dictators to create laws on the spot or suspend the ones we already have.
A similar incident occurred when I was flying from LAX to PHX. A fellow behind me in the queue commented on my boots, with all of their metal and asked me “Are you going to put those in the scanner?” I replied, “Absolutely, that’s what the TSA folks get paid to do — scan stuff, including these boots.” The TSA employees did not take kindly to my comment, because they escorted me to the “special” security line shortly thereafter, where they proceeded to unpack my carry-on luggage and inspect all of my non-contraband items for twenty minutes. I even offered to assist them in unpacking and packing it back up, but they weren’t too amused with my kind offers. They didn’t even require me to power up my electronics, but I didn’t bother to point out their lapse in official TSA inspection procedures. I simply stood there with a gigantic smile on my face quite obviously tapped my wrist where my watch was normally fastened, as if to indicate “time’s a wasting — you could be looking for REAL terrorists!”
TSA = Totally Superfluous Agency
[…] Especially while wearing sunglasses. Posted by Garrett on November 3rd, 2006 in Politics, Security, Travel | Leave a Comment […]
How ’bout the confiscation of my Barbie TM hot pink pocket “knife” with tiny mirror & plastic tools, a present from my ten year old niece?
The TSA agent apologized for taking it but his boss considered it a serious threat to National Security.
[…] In other news, it’s disturbing that every day I wind up hearing and reading more examples of how our idea of “homeland security” and protecting ourselves tends to do no such thing involving protecting people and instead winds up just shoveling power into the hands of the people who would oh so love to power trip on it. Here’s an example. In all honesty he should have just removed his sunglasses and there would have been no problems at all, but in equal honesty, the only reason he should have had to do that is out of fear from the TSA staffer, and that in itself is unacceptable. What really irritates me is that stories like these seem to be more and more common at airports and transit stations around the country-TSA staffers and other faux-officers making demands outside the bounds of their authority and relying on the power of fear to force people, usually innocent, into doing their bidding. It’s saddening, but well-you all know my political leanings. Speaking of which, I’m definitely looking forward to November 7th. […]
Show me the Law, show me the Law! If everyone demands it, it will be posted! Power corrupts and … Bullies and Nazis are made, not born! Next time go Greyhound!
I am appalled, but not surprised, at the number of responses chiding you for not removing your sunglasses. It would seem that those who accuse you of being and insolent-spoiled-grating-egotistical-douche bag-tool, etc, etc, at the airport because you have a backbone, have no problem posting here to reveal themselves as insolent, spoiled, grating, egotistical, douche bag, tools.
Ah, the sheeple!
Their backbone only appears under the promise of anonymity. At the airport they prefer unquestioned humiliation to thoughtful dignity. Twas ever thus.
Ever see sheep at the slaughter? They’re driven through a narrow chute on the way to the abattoir. If one attmepts to get out of the chute by climbing the sides the rest push him along toward his fate.
Good for Mr. Gagne. There is an alternate, better way to deal with this TSA crap-don’t fly. I haven’t been on a plane for over 15 years. If more people refused to fly-and gave as their reason an unwillingness to be subjected to police state tactics-the TSA would fold. You don’t have to take their crap.
It took me a while to read all of the responses, many of which are as entertaining and informative as your story.
I’d like to cast my vote in support of your actions. Asinine behavior, especially un-American behavior on the part of our govenment should be publicly and loudly resisted. Pernicous behavior, such as that by the TSA, is the dangerous beginning of the proverbial slippery slope.
A quick story. I know a person that tried to join the TSA shortly after it’s announced beginning. This person is intelligent, organized, and patriotic, and at the time was ignorant of folly of the TSA. This person went to the mass hiring event near him. The post-hiring analysis of the situation? The hiring process was designed to weed out any thinkers, the TSA wants mindless drones with absolute devotion to their chain of command.
To all the conformist complaining, know that the TSA bull **** endangers us all.
Thanks
JFP
@ Amy
So if a government agent, as a request, requests you do something like, say, perform a strip show, or any other obscene or embarrassing, act, in front of everyone,or at all, you are required to do it? Or a police officer? Or anyone?
If you believe this, and you live in America, then you are proof that the government is completely corrupt, and has begun completely corrupting citizens. You are then the first person, I know, but you won’t be the last, to begin allowing the government complete and total control of society. If you believe that any government agent has the right to ask you to do anything, and you think you have to do it, then the end is finally near.
Whatever happened to being free anyway?
@ David
Love what you do/did, and am inspired to take a hint, and begin fighting the fascist “Travel inSecurity Agency”. There is no reason to remove sunglasses. Also, on that note, if you wear sunglasses and can be required to remove them, then whats to say they can’t ask you to remove your shirt, to make sure you don’t have a tattoo that they associate with terrorism?
Love the post, and wish the ignorant masses, would wake up, see the real truth, and begin to fight again for the freedoms that our forefathers died to give us, with the hope they had not died in vain.
I think you did what we all need to start doing. If we all had the nerve to stand up to their police state tactics, this circus would come to an end in a hurry! As far as the workers go, if they don’t like the fact that people are upset by their ridiculous harassments, they need to find more fulfilling employment. As for me, I would never consider being an agent for the police state, even if it were the last job left on this planet. I don’t feel sorry for them. Neither do I feel sorry for anyone that happened to be delayed by the incident. They need to get their priorities straight. Liberty is much more important than their busy schedules. The people that are upset with you either work in the security field, which has been growing by leaps and bounds, or to them the illusion of safety is much more important than any lost liberties. The sad thing is, most people don’t even realize what they’ve lost. These selfish spineless pansies disgust me. There are probably more people killed by their own lawn mowers than killed by terrorists in this country. Yet these people are so overly concerned about their own safety that they will put up with any amount of intrusion. I don’t think Patrick Henry would have said, “Give me liberty or give me safety.” Some trivialize the incidents not realizing that we’ve arrived were we are today by the slow erosion of our rights. A few years ago nobody would have put up with this. 911 changed nothing. It has only revealed the police state lackeys and the cowards among us. Those still willing to stand for the principles of freedom and liberty are few.
It’s so god damn hilarious to me how so many of the people who were freedom-loving rugged individualists six years ago have turned into cowardly pussies begging the government to take all their liberties away to keep them safe from the big, bad yak herdsmen from Uzbekistan.
**** republicans. **** the TSA.
I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, but I would not say you have a very sophistocated way of dealing with confrontation.
Here are some truths:
the system is flawed
the security personnel are often inept
the increase in security is meant to make the masses feel safe to fly, when, if fact, the threat has not been diminished one bit by the costly security measures.
the notion that you are safe is propaganda.
people need to stand up against being treated marginally.
we need to be skeptical of anything that is being done “for our own protection.”
so while I think what happened to you sucks and you responded like any normal thinking human being would, that is, by questioning authority, I think you might have handled it better.
You might have considered taking a picture of the security person and inform them that while you would comply, you’re also going to make them famous for a minute in your blog. You might have requested to speak with a supervisor. You might have turned around and walked out of security to finish your water and then informed the guy that there is more than one way to solve a problem (this sounds close to the approach you ended up taking).
I look at it like this, though…you’re signing up for BS when you buy a plane ticket. It’s the new lo-class way to travel. So if you’re going to use their services, try to be a little more thoughtful towards the people who are doing the servicing. It’s a karma thing…
Way too funny…especially the uzzi out of the ass! ROTFLMAO
Good to have a sense of humor..
LMAO at trying to lose your tail for fun in the airport, I would have done the same thing.
[…] eine Story eines Fluggastes am Flughafen von LA, der seine Bekanntschaft mit den rigorosen Sicherheitsbestimmungen gemacht hat und diese in Frage stellt: False Authority Syndrome. In der Tat, sehr amüsant aber auch treffend beschrieben. […]
#225: “You might have considered taking a picture of the security person”
You haven’t been to an airport, lately, have you? If you ever feel the urge to get wrestled to the ground and detained for an hour or two, just pull out a camera near a screening area.
I am simply amazed (and appalled) at the number of people willing to just do what they’re told, however ridiculous, because it’s “easier” or “more convenient.” You folks are getting the government you deserve. Problem is, the rest of us are getting it too.
The reason for what happened to you is in my opinion very “clear.” There is a new company out there that can do away with this type of trouble and it is called “CLEAR.” For a memebership “fee” and a special clearance, you will be able to travel without any “hassels.”
Nice little profit center! Don’t you think? Now, trace the ownership structure of this new “CLEAR” company (with stations popping up in every US based airport) and let’s see where it leads!
I had a similar situation this weekend. I had to throw away all my toiletries and water only to purchase them again upon arrival at my destination.
Great piece. Beautifuly written and full of wit!
Regards,
Pymander8
Thank you! You are a trailbrazer opening the path to us. Pushing back quietly.
Enough Repression – it has gone far enough! That happens when the bullies are allowed to rule.
We, THE PEOPLE, have been brought to our knees, but we will STAND again.
I for one – am quietly observing all this – ready to push back when my turn comes.
It will not be a violent revolution – but a quiet push back for our freedoms and liberty!
THE DAY IS COMING! THE DAY IS COMING!
The winds of change are seething and gathering. A Revolution is coming!
Great story my friend. it reminds me of 2 years ago when my kids and I flew to Florida for spring break. My daughter had broken a bone in her foot right before the vacation, and was still wearing one of those walking “boots”, the velcro fastened metal rubber and foam things. Well since it was metal, the TSA insisted on putting my 9 YEAR OLD CAUCASION FAIR HAIRED FRECKLED little girl through a battery of special screening at 6am because she was obviously a terrorist with a bomb in her cast! IDIOTS!!!!
OOPS! As I was submitting my replu, i noticed the add for Airport security training at the bottom of the page? ROTFLMFAO!!!!
That is irony at its best.
[…] False Authority Syndrome “There’s no law that says I can’t wear my sunglasses in the airport. maam”. […]
Hi Dave,
If you think TSA is frustrating from a frequent flyers point of view…you should experience it from the inner workings of this monster. TSA is the most unorganized, inept, illogical, unethical organization I have ever been witness to or have been associated with. The way they run this agency is by the seat of their pants…there is no consistency or rhyme or reason;the rules simply change from day to day to fit their mood.
Because TSA was created seemly over night, to supposely keep us more secure (that’s a fricking joke), it drew from a national employment pool which contained every kind of nut job you could imagine….some of which are in positions of power, which is very scary if you think about it. If I told you some stories that have occurred within the inner workings of TSA they would curl your hair….unfortunately due to the circumstances I find myself in I can’t not do this…except to say if Mike Wallace, of 60 minutes, who is older than dirt and probably looking for the story of a lifetime to retire his career on, would go out in a blaze of glory with the stories he could unfold behind the doors of the “TSA”.
TSA boasts about how they are keeping us secure…ask the thousands of employees that they just dumped through their “realignment reduction of workforce”, who now are without a job, most of whom have families to support. How secure are they now, unemployed and out looking for a job because TSA doesn’t know what the hell they’re doing. If they don’t give a crap about their own employees, how much do you think they REALLY CARE about the general population’s welfare? Do I sound a little bitter??? Damn right I do…TSA speaks with fork tongue and NOBODY, but nobody is holding their feet to the fire to make them explain what the hell they are doing. Somewhere somehow there needs to be some checks and balances and overseer to prevent all these abuses, but so far I don’t see anyone doing that. They get rid of thousands of positions and then turn around and create these weird positions like bomb detection appraisal officer or a behavoiral appraisal officer…WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ALL ABOUT????? And then people are being hired for these position, off the streets, many of whom don’t have the qualifications……I personally know of several people who do NOT have the background or qualifications of the positions they hold …..but TSA hired them.
Oh BELIEVE ME the nightmares at the nation’s airports are only a small part of the picture….just thought I’d share a few of those thoughts with you Dave and maybe vent alittle also =).
im going to be in the LAX airport for 10 hours on the 4th of december, making my way to new zealand. im 18 and ill be alone, and i myself like to mess with the heads of authority, im kinda hoping something small happens with me that i can mess with them, but im young, and ill be alone, so i dont wanna totaly screw myself over. but i can say that this post made me rethink how fun its going to be to be there for 10 hours.
TSA boasts about how they are keeping us secure…ask the thousands of employees that they just dumped through their “realignment reduction of workforce”, who now are without a job, most of whom have families to support. How secure are they now, unemployed and out looking for a job…………..They Dumped thousands of Jobs because of Assholes like you who bitch and complain about being put through the test’s. Just like Hundreds of thousands of my fellow Airline Co-workers lost their job’s after 9/11, Because we didnt have TSA , But Huntleigh or World Services to Let Box Cutters through Security. So are you going to Say you miss all the Extra percautions when 4 more Planes go Down, Because So many TSA Employees are laid off Because America Gets to comfortable and forget to quick and get Irritated at Checkpoints…”Oh Were Sorry sorry Sir terrorists crashed 4 more planes today. Do you mind taking off your glasses, so we can match you to your picture on your ID.” And if it does happen again, It will be the same **** s (Look in the Mirror) with tears in their eye’s, asking what went wrong……….
Sorry Cameron…but you don’t know what you’re talking about…TSA didn’t dump their employees because “Assholes like me” complains….if you read my letter (which I’m guessing you didn’t) I said I was commenting from the perspective of the TSA side not the airline passenger side!!!!!!! There are many things I know of within the organization that are completely screwed up….and I also know these people doing the airport screening for TSA are hard working individuals just trying to do their best and all the thanks they get from the higher ups in TSA is “thanks and goodbye”…So bucko…you don’t the what the hell you’re talking about. And believe me, TSA didn’t layoff thousands of employees because the public complained…..we’re talking about a government agency here…get real. Also if TSA is doing such a good job…why did they give all the airport the option of opting out of government controlled security to allow them to go back to contract security of pre 9/11. I know of two of the biggest airports in the country that opted out and went back to private screening…San Francisco and New York….so tell me, what did it solve if the government is allowing the airports the choice of going back to private screening. And don’t tell me it’s because the public complains…because it’s never stopped the government from doing things against public opinion before.
I have read numerous comments to the authors article and freedom of speech is his inherit right as an American citizen and I encourage it. However a lot of of the responses are unfounded. Everyone who has a job is by choice or education. To assault any particular group for the lack of knowledge is beyond me. I have read that TSA agents are under trained,
uneducated, not former police, military or has no previous experience is far from the truth. Most people do not know that agents who originally
signed up with TSA did so because they had a family member, friend, co-worker with whom they lost on 9/11. Is TSA a perfect agency? No.
Can it be better of course. As with any agency you will have a few bad apples but for the most part? These are people who are your neighbors, relatives, business owners, military members, former police, former airline personnel. Its easy to criticise them because of your choice of profession that led you on a different path for different reasons. They face the same everyday life inconveniences
I was amazed when I first started with this agency the number of people who work for TSA that has a PHD, Masters, Bachelors Degree, but some refer to them as Rent-A-Cops. That could be farther from the truth. TSA is made up of current military members, former military members, retired sheriff’s and private sector employees. They earned my respect and I questioned why the choice to join TSA? What I heard astounded me. I heard things such as; “I lost a sister and I don’t want anyone to have to deal with what I went through”, “I would do this for free if its going to mean safer skies”. So please next time you fly feel free to ask what kind of education background do you have? You may regret you asked the next time you encounter a TSA agent. Is it a thankless job? You may think so but so many of them would disagree. They might seem stern, but they have to be. Terrorist have to get it right only one time, agents have to try to get it right every time. So if they seem on edge it is because they have to be. The worst nightmare for an agent would be to hear an atrocity happened on their watch. That’s reality. If at any point during the screening process you feel that your rights have been abused? Ask to speak to a supervisor, if at that point you are not satisfied, ask to speak to a manager. There is due process but you must remember, treat people the way you expect to be treated. They are people with a Job to do as you. Being arrogant thinking that you have time to kill? Remember they are on the clock.
As for lack of training? That’s the biggest misconception. Agents are required by law to take more training per month than any private sector employee would get in a year. As for SSI sure there is laws. Government directives prohibit disclosure of information based on credible information that guides new policies. Do we always agree on it? No. But do we have to enforce it? We do. Is it agreeable to all parties? Not most of the time.
I travel with my family and I wait in lines and listen to what people have to say. I’ll stop short of what I hear, but I have yet to experience the type of behavior that so many feel free to voice. Before you feel the need to voice your opinion? Put yourself in an agents shoes.
I tried hard not to use big words as not to offend anyone and make it easy to read without the use of profanity. If you feel your 4th amendment rights has been violated? There is always the choice of driving. Be safe and keep traveling.
Signed,
Just A Note From The Other Side
The worst part is that we’re not even *getting* the illusion of security.
I mean, raise your hand if you feel secure.
Anyone?
Anyone?
The illusion is enough, you know. Just raise your hand if you *feel* secure.
Anyone?
To the people who say “It’s only sunglasses now, but what if it’s your clothes tomorrow”, I’d like to point out that we’re *already* at belts and shoes. We’re *already* stripping for the TSA.
(Don’t read this wrong. I salute your concern about this. But I think it’s time to stop worrying about what they’re going to do, as if it’s only going to become unreasonable at some future time. We passed “reasonable” a while ago.)
To Mr. #220:
I’ve considered not-flying as a respone, and it’s what I ended up doing in practice, but it feels like just letting them win in another way. Restricting travel is just one more way to keep the population under control. Letting them do it is not going to solve the problem. Their next step would be to restrict highway travel too.
At least the article was funny. I liked it. And I don’t even think you were being a dick. You were polite all the way. Just not compliant.
These incidents seem to occur more often in the US and Canada. I have not been to the UK for a while and that may also be an exeption, but I have yet to experience anything this silly in the rest of the world. In some African countries I have been”relieved” of some minor valuables ( cigarettes etc) and in some of the former Soviet Union countries the customs people are paranoid about travelers taking out currency, but the US TSA people, and US immigration people for that matter, seem to be the worlds rudest. In Asia, which has far more potential for terrorist bombers than most of the rest of the world (Indonesia JI ? Philippines Abu Sayaf, Tamil Tigers? Pakistan? India?, airport security is relatively painless and certainly not intimidating. Perhaps the US needs to modify its’ national anthem to read ” the land of the scared and the home of the bully” Sorry to be so blunt. perhaps I’m should apply to the TSA?
Ah yes, the TSA rules. I happen to have worked for TSA myself, HATED the job but would say that some people I suppose have some valid points here. SSI stands for “Sensitive Security Information” – most of it is common sense, unlike TSA itself and well, the rule with liquids has been in effect for 4-5 months now and maybe you just should have listened and followed directions before you came in. I will also say this – when I worked in that godforsaken sh**hole airport, I dealt with the same stupid, snippy remarks from self-rightous, mental-midget passangers ALL DAY, while being on my feet all day, with a shift that started at 4am. Some of us that work for TSA DO speak english and well… at least speaking for myself, I am now in a Masters program and had a degree while working a demeaning, dehumanizing job. I got very tired of people arguing moot points to me that I frankly agreed with about TSA but couldn’t argue. Why? Because its the government and run like the military. Heaven forbid we question the rules.. plus letting people’s $1.20 water go through wasn’t worth me not being able to pay my rent. Because I got so tired of hearing the same f$$king thing all day from people that couldn’t follow directions there was a sadistic part of me that got wet when I got to bust stupid, argumentative morons who wanted to flaunt their ego (even though I didn’t pack things that weren’t allowed in their bags). I understand the rules are silly, I travel often myself (despite popular belief, some TSA employees do not live in a cave). My best passanger so far was a lady who said to me “Now, THIS is a lap-top (speaking all in syllables mind you) be care-ful with it.” My response? “Yea, I’m not a Troglodite (sic?), I have a similar one at home.”
Lastly – I’m impressed that they didn’t see your leatherman in the x-ray, must have been a REALLY dumb TSA personel (or a few of them) b/c those are incredibly easy to spot.
I guess I’d just say that you need to be cognizant that **** does indeed roll downhill in the government and TSA employees are on the bottom rung. We have to deal with as many supervisors and administrators as there are screeners and many of them have the mental aptitude of a stalk of Broccoli. So please just follow the rules, especially this time of year. People working for the TSA are under a stupid amount of pressure, often following rules they don’t agree with and can’t control.
As a Bomb Appraisal Officer with TSA, I can assure you IF you knew the extent of the UK terrorist plot, AND what is being found in the Middle East, you’d not even consider bringing any liquids or gels with you to the checkpoint and you would be very happy with the restrictions. Next time you have an issue with any TSA Officers, try asking for a supervisor, unless you are only interested in a personal, self-seeking agenda to belittle and criticize anyone or thing that is not agreeable to you.
As an employee of the TSA I agree that every government agency is rife with automatons who have switched their brains off long ago and blindly follow a Standard Operating Procedure, completley ignoring the fact that our opponents are a highly motivated, dynamic and creative organization. By its nature our government is ill-suited to combat such a foe but has managed to deliver a 100% success ratio–not one airplane-pinata–not bad. Though it may be hard for Mr. Gagne to accept the fact that in spite of the extensive security briefing he receives from CNN and The Onion, the fat guy at the TSA just might receive a much more extensive briefing by the worlds’ intelligence agencies, which might reveal MUCH SCARIER **** swirling-around out there. Every TSA officer has National Security Clearance. We do what we do for reasons which might not be readily apparent to the less informed and revealing our policies will inspire others to devise ways around them. Variation from airport to airport is also a good thing–maddening for travellers and worse for terrorists. If TSA officers can’t keep it strainght neither will Osama. Keep in mind that terrorists need to make sure that 100% of their people and 100% of their terrorist **** gets through checkpoints 100% of the time or else their plans are discovered. Naturally time spent dealing with pricks like you diverts me from looking for real threats, or noticing patterns, thanks. My way of dealing with you in the “sunglasses” incident would have been to just stand there (hey, getting paid the same) until the hostile mob gathering behind you would rip the glasses off of your face–Power to the People!
Funny post, David. Got here from stupidsecurity.com via thedailywtf.com.
To the TSA employees who seem to be so proud of their accomplishments, here’s the problem:
TSA claiming they have been effective with no offer of proof demonstrates how illusive the concept of common sense is at TSA. TSA may as well claim they’ve protected us from an invasion by 12-foot ants because no one has seen a 12-foot ant lately.
A far more effective measure against travelers who arrouse TSA suspicions would be to simply require each suspect to consume a quantity of vodka martinis sufficient to render them senseless before boarding their flight.
Some of us former TSA employees are former for a reason, its a stupid job and was temporary to pay my rent (and the first thing to come up with a pretty odd schedule and health insurance). No joke – you could be a manager at the GAP and make more money and leave everyday knowing that you at least folded some pants. I will also say to the two TSA employees that posted on here that I also know the SOP and the SSI material given to us at briefings. I know exactly why the liquids ban was in place b/c it was in place for a while before I quit. I also know that flying out of other airports their rules were different than ours (MUCH) regardless of TSA being expected to have standard operating procedures. My contention here is NOT to depend TSA, it was created by our miserable condemner and thief Mr. Bush and I’m not impressed with much of anything he does. What I AM saying is pick your battles at the airport, follow some directions for a little while and you’ll be ok. Its almost like bitching about the cost of oil to a gas station attendant, TSOs are the bottom rung of DHS and can’t do a THING about the procedures and deal with enough already. When I worked there did I think I was protecting my country? NO. Did I REALLY catch any sketchy people with something? Not really – more like patting down old ladies with fake knees and taking butter knives from flight crew (as if they don’t have an Axe in the **** pit of the plane). I left that job everyday I had it wondering if I’d feel better dead, wondering if a passanger’s head would crush more like a casaba or honeydew melon, and sneaking off for endless bathroom breaks so I could actually sit down….. and surprisingly, b/c TSA awards ineptitude, I got promoted… sad……
I do like the ideas of giving passangers Martinis, I hope that is in effect when I fly next.
Perhaps the answer to all of those who are whining and complaining about TSA at the airports is NO security screening of any kind and let happen what may? I theorize many of the complainers are annoying to be around and exhibit behaviours such as DUI and aggressive driving while simultaneously blaming everyone and anything else.
I’ve never had any issues with TSA being unreasonable. Then again, I don’t try to provoke them either.
Grow up…
We all know that nothing they are doing will work or prevent anything. We also know that “Da Rulez” are a backwards set of guidelines written by some retard in Washington, which accomplish nothing. You don’t need to prove it for the 2953456225th time. TSA is there to make people think the government is actually doing something.
When you act up and get your ass locked up or strip searched, it proves them right. This is as bad as the retarded rules that don’t do anything.
Those people are trying to do their crappy jobs as best they can. They go to classes that tell them what to do, and probably have a boss that changes the rules up on them every day. If you don’t comply with their requests of course it’s going to send up a flag. Their training tells them you are a “bad guy”. That’s part of Dealing With Authority 101. Just lift the **** ing sunglasses next time, mkay.
The only bad part of this story is they didn’t handcuff you, throw you on the ground and put a foot on the back of your neck while they waited for the wagon to pick you up, take you downtown and book you for being a JO.
Part of the deal with flying is “do what your told”. If you don’t want to do this, take a train or drive. You have a choice. Airline/TSA people have enough stress in their lives. Antagonizing them just makes their life a little crappier.
Obviously it makes you feel like a big man. I guess this is a very powerful thing to you, the need to feel like a big man.
-Neil
Hey man, I loved that post. Found it by chance. Sorry about the people who don’t understand that this is indeed a hilarious but at the same time really sad story. I know what it’s like at the airport, they made me throw away a yellow hi-lighter – because there’s a liquid inside of it! Makes you scratch your head. Cheers!
A little late, but damn that made me laugh. It’s absurd that you have to go ten feet and have your ID checked again (hello. you’re looking at an ID. It could be fake. teenagers all over have them).
The water thing is ridiculous….they either give you water on the plane or you can go to the bathroom and get some (if you really need water to set off your bomb).
And TSA…I know they’re doing their job and probably need the money, but how can you bring yourself to work for TSA and not even question what you’re doing?
[…] David Gagne recounts his encounter with the TSA at LAX. When my wife and I flew out of LAX we ran into similarly grumpy people who insisted we could only have two bags each. Unlike David we didn’t have the time to have some fun with them and received some repacking assistance form the friendly Delta staff. I wonder whether all the non-TSA workings at LAX get together at night and make fun of the TSA. November 2, 2006 | In Government, Law and Policy | […]
it is a shame that there is still people like this so ignorant in todays world of terrorism treaths and our intent to protect the the public, now tell me: i know that there is no law that prohibits sungalsses but if you are presenting an ID to a person that is trying to identify the person in the picture doesnt it make sense to remove the glasses and if people like you would inform a little better besides reading the boarding pass and just going to your gate tsa’s job would be alot easier. If it was me i would not let you get on that plane and thats it ( it is against federal regulations to interfere with a screening process once you already have summited to it ) and that is a law look it up if you dont mind so next time you travel your awareness of the world we are living would be wider.
TSO
If the public knew the details of the August 2006 UK terrorist plot, there would be little protest concerning the restrictions on liquids and gels; or at least little protest from people with a brain.
Screw golfclubs! Issue all passengers baseball bats which might be better than security screening; it wouldn’t matter if you removed your sunglasses when being batted around the cabin!
Like I tell all the TSA screeners I work with,, ” I don’t have the market cornered on brains, We all know that!!!” I do know one thing. You do not have the market cornered either. TSA screeners are the last line of defense prior to you putting your family on board an aircraft. The screeners do not make up these rules. They come from higher above. Just like they do at your job!! (unless of coarse you are “it”) We would love to come into your place of business and F!@k with you the same way that we are F!@KED with. WE do not have that luxury. Instead some A-HOLE goes off on a tangent about “his” bad experience…..I am sure his whole life it has been that way……WA WA WA but what about me??? Believe it or not, most screeners I work with care about YOU, we care about your FAMILY. Next time maybe try being a little more polite and if someone asks you to do something silly………Although you may not totally agree with it…..Because I don’t always agree with it…….take the easy way out. Make everyones day a little more pleasant. I don’t always agree with what I am asked to do when I am in “your” place of business. I just do what is best for everyone…….follow the silly rules. Remember TSA screeners have no say in what they do. They are pretty much good employees. Just like you. Most importantly, most of us make a bond with families. Most of us have our own. We would never want to be the cause of you losing yours. I am sure “mr sunglasses” does not have a job that will effect My loved ones.
When I go to work tomorrow, it will not matter. I will still do the best I can to protect his.
“Last line of defense”??
Whoo-HOO, do I feel more secure: “Undercover agents were able to slip bombs and IEDs past the Transport Security Agency checkpoint at Denver airport 90 percent of the time. ” http://tinyurl.com/26wbhx
The ID check is pretty much BS… all it does it make the sheeple feel protected. Every single hijacker on 9/11 presented valid ID – all that helped us do was connect mug shots with shrapnel afterwards.
This is why I drive whenever I can – flying just feels too stupid anymore.
And there you have it. A member of TSA just said so himself. Silly things. It’s absurd you have to walk ten feet and show it again. Here’s a little secret….it’s not even THE LAW. YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHOW THEM YOUR PAPERS! If you simply say you lost your id, they just screen you a bit more. So please, tell me, how is all of that crap to make me feel safer? Because I know it’s a joke and I don’t feel any safer.
I suppose Lauren knows all about the inside secrets of the terrorist plot. But come on. really. water. you can take the empty bottle through security. you can buy water at the kiosk for $900. But you can’t take water through. I understand you can fill the bottle up with whatever and put it through but what was released to the public was that it was quantities of ordinary liquids. So really, if all ordinary liquids are available past security and all the people got on with their fake ids and 90% failure rate of finding hazardous things, how is this all supposed to save us?
Brilliant. I can identify with the security issues they are an absolute joke.
I travel frequently inside Europe and there it is no different. In fact in Schiphol Amsterdam airport if you bleeb going through the metal detector they frisk you including your crotch, which the give a little squeeze for good measure. And your supposed to be glad that only the same sex is allowed to feel you up! sheess.
90 percent success rate by a government agency! Brilliant!! You have to keep in mind that 10 percent of the bomb components got discovered in Denver, which would trigger all kinds of actions and investigations which would lead to discovery of the entire plot and possibly a nationwide ground stop. Those of you who are so confident in the incompetence of the TSA, should put you money where your mouths are and try to smuggle FAKE component-like stuff onboard an aircraft. Bring it on or show yourselves as a bunch of nutless whiners. Osama and his collegues try it more often than you’d think. The system is better than you think. Get out from behind your keyboards and take action–“Do you feel lucky, well do ya punk” enjoy Federal prision, your room is waiting…..
Sorry, meant only 90 percent failure rate in the previous post. If the government had a 90 percent success rate at anything, I wouldn’t be typing, I’d be building an ark and rounding-up the animals. The TSA’s success rate is pretty stellar, all things considered–if Border Patrol were as successful, we’d be paying $5.00 for a head of lettuce, trophy brides would have to raise their own kids and rich people would have to mow their own lawns. If the CIA were as effective, Iraq wouldn’t have been able to invade Kuwait. If the FBI were as competent, Randy Weaver’s wife would be still alive.
I think we should cancel every single law in the country. Bring back the good old days, when we didn’t have laws, and you could do anything you want. (I think it was like 10,000BC)
That way people will stop complaining. Airport security? Bah, we don’t even need regulations for aircraft safety!
Doing, following, believing, supporting, etc, and enforcing things without thinking. That’s what’s wrong. That is why, Bush happens.
(You can’t drink the water. You have to throw it, I can’t.) What a stupid guy.
My uncle had a similar experience. He has ChapStick lip balm or something. So he put it on the tray to be checked/x-rayed. TSA say to him, that needs to be in a zip-bag, if not you have to throw it. Damn stupid people.
I do not condone winding up security staff in any way – I think the world would be a better place if we all remembered some fundamentals about politeness.
That doesn’t stop me saying that I for one have had enough of USA airport security staff being unpleasant and hostile to me. I changed my job so I don’t have to come to North America anymore. When I travel to Central and South America I never, ever transit through the USA – its too demeaning an experience for a non-US citizen. Yes – you US guys who are complaining, its ten times worse for us Brits who travel in your country.
Someone said that security in airports is the same in Europe. I disagree. The rules are the same, yes, but staff are polite in most of the countries I travel in. I have passed through my local Airport, Edinburgh, more than 100 times in 2 years. In that time I’ve set off metal detectors, forgotton about carrying water through and forgotten to take my laptop out for separate screening. Not once has anyone barked an order at me or been any less than civil. “Excuse me sir, you aren’t allowed to carry that through. It will have to be disposed of there (points) if you don’t mind” sounds ok to me.
I do not believe that an essential part of security screening is to create a hostile environment and most European authorities seem to be in line with my view.
Incidently, I personally know 4 UK based business travellers who have been detained from a few hours to 3 days by US authorities and in none of these cases has there been an explanation nor apology given. Unsuprisingly, all four have since given up travelling to the US too. I personally have never been detained but have been treated shamelessly by arrogant bullies and, in fact, those folk who have spoken satirically of having to “spread their cheeks”, might want to note that on one occasion at Newark I did indeed have to lower trousers in a public area to have the bottom of a surgical corset checked. I asked for a private area and am more than happy to have things like that checked – its in my interests and everyone else’s, but to be barked at and threatened with detention for disobeying, when you are tired and many thousands of miles from home is just not acceptable.
I don’t want to be negative – I’ve made my choice and the only thing left to say is to ask those TSA chaps who clearly are reading this board to just try and be polite and considerate – even though some of the customers aren’t, we shouldn’t let our behaviour sink to that of the lowest common denominator.
Cheers
The Flying Scot (who won’t in the US any more!)
I’ve got to wonder how many people griping about their bad experiences with TSA have done anything other than whine and complain or post a blog. TSA’s website (tsa.gov) provides information for submitting customer service complaints. There are also supervisors and managers at the checkpoints, as well as customer comment forms. If no serious attempt is made to resolve the problem(s), then the saying, “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem” is applicable.
Found this while searching info in preparation to Fly to the US. I thought it contained some good tips, until I remembered that last time (2005) though LAZ I got breezed through security exiting the country with a special yellow mark on my boarding pass (Something like “3A” – the ticket taker was really nice, and I heard the line security people asking each other “what does this code mean”.
Unfortunately upon return I had a mysterious delay in boarding the local flight to PHOENIX. I worked on my laptop till the battery died, then – probably stoopidly – decided it would be interesting to have a picture of the airplane I was waiting to board. When they finally called me, they told me there was no room for my carry-on, and removed it from me to store under the plane. When deboarding my (and a few other folks) carry on luggage was waiting on the tarmack. But while waiting for my big bag, I discovered my new camera was missing. Of course I couldn’t go back to look for it.
So – Count yourself among the lucky to only loose a bottle of water. BTW Why did you need golf clubs to go to a courthouse? While your funny story made me smile, it has now awakened annoying anxiety. I won’t be using the LAX or PHX airports again if I can avoid it.
Ignorance is what this is all about how about if we just dont follow rules and live like savages hey maybe mr sunglasses will aprove that well next time when they are trying to identify him he should wear one of those glasses with the mustage hey it makes sense right and it is the law to provide a FEDERAL SECURITY OFFICER to provide some kind of ID at any point while at the airport if u did not know.for those that comply whit everything thanks for making my job easier and your flight more pleasant for the others SECONDARY!!!!
Try being a single adult travelling with three small children (one infant) to visit the grandparents…I want Bin Ladens head on a on a plate and death to all muslims! They have destroyed the world. I want to go back to the way things were before muslims were allowed in this country, you know when you could get to the airport 10 minutes before your flight and walk right on the plane, stroller and all, and you actually got help from the flight crew! Delta is the worst, I keep hoping they will go out of business.
I work with Federal Air Marshalls often and every one of them has told me they feel much safer flying from domestic U.S. airports than any other airports in the world. Since they constantly fly internationally as well as nationally, I think their credibility is much greater than the rants of many air travelers/disgruntled former TSA employees who seem to blessed with ignorance, fried brains, bad attitudes, impatience, intolerance, pessismism, closed-mindedness, selfishness, lack of self esteem, rudeness, insensitivity, superficiality, denial, etc etc.
Aw, isn’t that cute….the **** tards who have a problem with your ‘attitude’ would have done well in either Germany or the Soviet Union.
Bunch of worthless **** ing sheep…
uhhhh?????dont undestand your point
once again it has been proven that security works example jfk no more comments right?
I have a US Marshal’s Service Background Check because the airline I work for transports federal prisoners an USPS background check because we handle mail and the standard FBI background check to get my Security Clearance Badge for the airport and now I’m subject to inspection by the TSA at work. TSA is government beuracracy at its finest usually 3 people standing around one person screening bags and someone else sitting behind an x-ray machine
well yea you have almost the same clearance that that terrrorist from jfk had ?
RE: comment 256
TSA is fairly adept in identifying water, liquids, and gels though in MY opinion ALL such items should be prohibited in the passenger cabin. Reomve your focus for a few seconds from YOURSELF, and on the overall big picture. There actually are “bad people” who design and implement plans and plots to do bad things like blow up aircraft with passengers on board! It is NOT about whether or not certain lizuid/gel products are brought on board the aircraft, it’s about the fact said items did not pass through security unchecked. Detering a would-be perpetrator is what it’s about. If every passenger were thinking about the possibility of an aircraft they are to fly on being blown up with them on board, there would be a completely different perspective, but alas, ignorance is bliss.
possibly but alot has changed in 10 yrs and I know I have more clearance then you, at least at my airport where if you want to inspect the aircraft you need the ramp leads permission and a escort
I dont know what airport you work at but in cat X airports tsa has full acess to the cabin,ramp,and aircraft even the port id is issue by DHS for all airport employees it would be odd that the a ramp agent has more clearance than a federal tso but ohh well i dont doubt it neither .
Probably not at my airport, according to the Regional Airport authority who at my airport issue the badges where a level 4 TSA is required to handscreen 50% of the bags and we dont have an x-ray machine. That might happen if they build the new terminal. But in order to do that there needs to be more gaurantees of flights 35 a week inst that many.
If you don’t like the way TSA operates, then quit bitching, buy your own **** ing plane, drink as much water as you want and take as many liquids as you’d like!!! Your blog is soooooooooooo **** ing whiny!!!!
“When sunglasses are outlawed, only outlaws will wear sunglasses.”
I had a TSA incident a couple of weeks ago at SeaTac. I write column for a Washington paper and stumbled upon this site while researching the average IQ of a TSA worker for a story. Briefly, after trying to follow the many conflicting directions of several tiny statured workers in the security line (“put it in the tub” “take it out of the tub”, put it flat on the belt” “take this banjo and play it while spinning around and singing anything from Wagner”), I must have had a look of confused frustration on my. The unusually large TSA bully that seemed to be the Simon LeGree overseer of that chapter of the TSA actually asked me if I was “dissing” him with my “attitude”. I wanted to ask if we were in rival gangs.
I almost got into it, but just couldn’t spare the time. God help us if this group of yahoos is going to save us from being blown out of the sky. It’s pathetic.
I posted my comment before reading the other comments, and I want to ad. I believe the point that David is trying to make is NOT that he is an uncooperative ass who can’t play well others. I believe that he is trying to illustrate that the inmates have been put in charge of the asylum. My experience with the TSA is that they have not a clue themsleves what the regulations are, they are totally inconsistent in applying these “secret” rules- you get the feeling that they just make them up as they go along. I am constantly given conflicting directions in airports. Many TSA employees have very heavily accented English and, while I have absolutely nothing against the TSA hiring immigrants, I don’t understand every accent out there. I need a Babblefish.
I, along with fellow travelers, have been screamed at that we are a security risk because we are all crammed into a tight space when the TSA stuffed us into the tiny space in the first place. I have been forcibly separated from my young daughter who was confused by being pulled out of line and away from me. When she tried to get back to me, we were yelled at. The general abuse of the TSA toward the public goes on and on. I am always surprised when I meet the occasional courteous, well-spoken TSA worker.
TSA workers may be underpaid and have jobs they don’t like. Too bad. How many people haven’t been underpaid in a nowhere job? The problem is that there is no accountability. There is no floor manager; there is no recourse; there is no concern for customer satisfaction. TSA is incompetent, and unlike just about every other consumer service, we do not have an avenue of complaint.
Ingrid: Pray tell, where, when, and by whom were you screamed at? I fly all the time and I have never witnessed anything remotely similar from ANY TSA employee. If you were displeased with the screening process when your daughter was allegedly “pulled out of line”, and you were “forcibly seperated” you had (and still have) several options: 1: Ask for a supervisor or manager; (Did you even ASK for a supervisor or manager?) 2: Request a comment form 3: Go to TSA.gov and lodge your complaint via: mail, 1-800 number, or webform. If you did not attempt any of these, you are as much the problem is that of which you complain, OR you are embellishing your story as writers often do in their quest to attract attention and readership.
I guess you would rather TSA be replaced with non-uniformed employees, all smily, happy with an “anything goes” attitude, restricting nothing or no one.
You do not understand the details of the screening process, and therefore the necessity of actions taken by the TSA. You blame TSA for all things negative, much akin to “throwing out the baby with the dirty bath water”. It was TSA who removed the ban on small scissors, tools, etc last year, all for the cause of customer service and focusing more on IED’s, a move which was vehmonently opposed by the air crew unions.
If the extent of your resolution to all the negative experiences you have described is a blog comment to this website, I would surmise you are a glutton for punishment, ignorant, or both.
Climb out of your little box, step back, and look at the big picture. there’s much more to the safety and security of the airline industry here than the rantings a few disgruntled air travlers who are likely more rude and inconsiderate than anyone they encounter.
If TSA is doing such a lousy job and is nothing more than “inmates running the asylum”, why aren’t our airliners being hijacked, taken over, and blown up? Why do Federal Air Marshalls say they are safer flying from U.S. airports than any other countries? The way some of your comments read make it seem like you all could give a sh** less about whether or not the plane you fly on is commandeered and/or blown up. I’ll gladly stand in line for an hour, comply with confusing security rules, and even try to play a banjo naked while hopping around counterclockwise on one foot if that will get me to my final destination safely.
Just so everyone knows the shoe bomber came from france but the french are not required to remove their shoes boarding US bound French flights, and starting Aug 4th you can have your lighter back but water, coffee and pop are still considered extermely dangerous.
In response to Lauren: my guess is that there are larger forces at work than the TSA that are monitoring domestic travel. I do not know if planes are persistently in danger of “being hijacked, taken over, and blown up.” And I am not saying they are not, but I don’t know; I am not privvy to any statistics and I’m doing a newspaper piece on a related subject, so if anyone has any hard facts, I’m curious to know.
Since Federal Air Marshalls work for the U.S. Govt. and the current administration is not keen on constructive criticism or full disclosure, it’s not likely that they are going to say, “Look, security on U.S. planes is really marginal. Better buy that in-flight insurance.” Of course they are going to say, “Air travel in the U.S. is safer than any where in the entire galaxy.” What else would you anticipate? Without this reassurance, travel will stagnate and airlines will tank. Not to mention that someone will be blamed and held accountable, and we can’t have that.
Furthermore, if you believe that security and respect are mutually exclusive (that is, security can only be enforced by belligerent bullies threatening mothers and children), you have a lot of career opportunities available.
Ingrid, I know many TSA personnel who are NOT federal employees simply because they are right wing, flag-waving Republicans supportive of the current political views of the administration. The Federal Air Marshalls I refer to in comment 243 (also comment 253,263) are independent-thinking and not simply stating “the party line”. It would be difficult to cover up a catastrophic event aboard an aircraft ANYWHERE in the world, so the fact still stands: since 9/11, air carriers departing from U.S. domestic airports have remained free of the events TSA is delegated to prevent. I USED to work at the checkpoint and I have witnessed passengers berating and verbally abusing coworkers, (including myself), occassionally bringing some to the point of tears and no action was taken. I have also witnessed petty customer complaints leading to officers receiving counselling statements that go into their personnel files. If you took the time to ask for a supervisor when you felt you and/or your daughter were being treated inappropriately, you would have been doing what is right. You also had the option of asking for a comment form and either completing it there or taking it with you and mailing it to TSA HQ. There is also the tsa.gov website which provides a toll-free number and other options for complaints/comments.
I empathize with you, Ingrid, especially since I can remember the times when air travel was something fun and exciting to look forward to. It has become more of a task than anything pleasant, but I don’t know of any simple solution. I DO know that positive attitudes, empathy, understanding, fairness, and understanding can either prevent or help resolve most unpleasant encounters. You could do your part to help TSA identify “problem employees” by lodging a complaint when you witness innappropriate actions of TSA employees. Like any workforce, there ARE those who “fly under the radar” and tarnish the image of the many hard-working and well-intentioned men and women there. Should you have any future experiences with TSA like what you have described, I hope you will heed my words. The world is shrinking and we must all do what we can to help one another!
(NOTE: As much as David unnerves me, I respect him for acknowledging the uniqueness of our society, views, opinions, rants, etc, AND having the integrity and fairness to post comments from ALL sides.)
Warmest Regards, Lauren
Thanks, Lauren, for the thoughtful response. I know how difficult it can be to maintain your cool when confronted with the public day in and day out. I worked in law and justice, and know how stressful it can be to maintain professional behavior in the face of insults, abuse and ranting and raving with very little reward for doing so. Of course, my clients were mentally ill, whacked on drugs or had long histories of criminal behavior – not quite the same profile of people traveling for business and pleasure
While the hustle-bustle conditions of being squeezed through the security lines don’t make it easy to pause and copy down a TSA workers ID (and I suspect that my particular run in with the trog that confronted me would have led to my missing my flight with two young kids in tow), I am gratified to learn that the public does have some sort of recourse re: complaints.
Since you seem to have the insider track, however, what do think of response #48? Mr. Harlos also seems to have some insight into the broader issues.
Monique, It is true. I did not go looking for a TSA manager or lodge a complaint. I did not know it was possible to do so and most scanning areas are so crowded and confusing that it’s hard to identify the person in charge. You are correct that if I want to make changes, I can’t just complain and I must take some sort of action. Joining this blog is my attempt to understand the subject better and to get more points of view. If you could guide me to other resources, I would be appreciative.
Also, in other walks of life, my law abiding behavior usually exempts me from being roughed up by security goons. Maybe it’s naive, but I have travelled the world over (including South and Central America, Africa and Southeast Asia) and I have had so very few negative experiences that I have come to think that I move in a bubble of good will. I had a better customer service flying through Kano airport in Nigeria than I had at SeaTac.
You would rightly respond that I was much, much safer leaving Seattle than flying in Nigeria, and I’m sure that’s true, but I fail to understand why I can’t have a minimum level of courtesy at the same time. If I were alone in this, you could just say that I am an overly sensitive princess always wanting my own way – but if you reflect on the general rage and the number of these postings, I am not alone.
And, of course I don’t understand the screening process. First off, it’s never, never the same two times in a row, so I can’t learn from experience. (And, no, I am not a person who tries in any way to challenge the TSA by bringing along anything in my carry on that they may find upsetting – I can be parted from my cosmetics and my drinks and all of my pointy objects for the duration of a trip.) Also, see comment #48, please. Since I am not allowed to actually read the regulations controlling the screening process, I am likely to make mistakes (although, I should say here, other than the mistake with bringing along an extra tweezer, I have never carried anything that was prohibited; I don’t have an ax to grind or anything to prove.)
I believe that I stated that I ended up on this blog because I am a writer and working on a related newspaper article. I am not a glutton for punishment, nor am I ignorant. I have two masters’ degrees and a background in law. As a writer, I am very interested in getting out of my little box and understanding a broader viewpoint. No one is going to respect my writing if it’s just one long complaint
So, enlighten me. What sort of people make up the workforce of the TSA? How long is the training; what is the education level of the average worker? Does anyone think that there’s an underlying class struggle going on here? Travelers with disposable income going off for business or vacations to Hawaii facing off aganist poorly paid TSA employees whose jobs give them a little bit of authority over a more monied class? Am I way off?
I, also, went through security at the Burbank airport. The first TSA person I encountered at 5:00 in the morning was uniformed, polite, professional and direct with his instructions. He wasn’t all snuggly and smiley and didn’t want to have coffee with me; he just behaved in a manner consistent with a person doing a good job (and he didn’t yell at me, which wa a bonus). I wanted to kiss him.
Am I embellishing my story to attract attention and more readership? No, no. I haven’t added any fictional wrinkles or hyperbole and I don’t need to do so. Reality, in this case, is story enough.
There is a very appropriate quote by Thomas Jefferson having to do with governance relying on the respect of the ordinary people. When I find it, I will post it here.
I haven’t had a chance to read every comment yet, but so far I have not seen anyone mention the pocket knives.
This “security system” is seriously flawed if it will harass someone for wearing sunglasses and carrying an unopened bottle of water, but still let that person onto a flight with several knives. Stop blindly defending the TSA and actually read what the author is saying.
I think you have too much time on your hands! 🙂
Loved the article. I’m from Canada. In 2004, I landed in Honolulu, on my way to Australia. At 3:00 AM, I was asked by a USDA officer to remove my shoes for a random search on “noxious weeds.” He searched my runners, and sent me on my way. Why would you need to be wearing a gun when searching runners for noxious weeds? Airport security were overlooking the area, they were armed. So were the Honolulu police at the door of the airport. I guess it’s all part of a big picture that we don’t undwerstand.
Jim
I get a kick out of people who say you should just go along with it all.
Those people are mindless sheep..no, wait, animals without a spine…Those people are invertebrates!
TSA is a total and complete joke, and it is the duty of every Patriot to throw a wrench in the goverments criminal buffoonery.
Crazy, the tsa people make me want to laugh every time i see them. Fyi – they frisk completely wrong, a real terrorist would cause so much damage alot of them would probably quit. Everytime I get shook down by them I try and follow good frisking procedure – but they always mess everything up. In a real situation they’d get served, injured, or worst.
3 years after 9-11 I brought on all the ingredients for not one, but two moltov **** tails on board with me and a friend (we sat next to each other) – not to blow anything up, we actually didn’t realize it till we we’re on the flight. the next year I traveled with enough gun powder in my checkin to seriously cause some damage, not only did they lose that bag. They found it and left it at the airport till i could pick it up (oh yeah nothing was missing).
In addition I’ve freely and openly have discussed various explosive / incendiary devices, homemade explosives, etc. right in front of tsa personal – they did nothing, and didn’t have a clue what was going on.
I call the tsa the illusion guard, only there to give the general public the illusion of safety.
[…] BoingBoing: David Gagne’s “False Authority Syndrome.” You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do all the things you normally do when […]
RE comment 292:
You must have some personal experience being frisked frequently, perhaps by corrections officers?
No need to worry about TSA, you’ll be lucky if fellow passengers around you don’t subdue, secure, gag, and anesthetize you for either being a potential threat or just obnoxiously ignorant! Case in point-Richard Reid.
I start taking flying lessons in Cessnas just because I want to boycott regular consumer air travel. I recommend people stop buying mainstream tickets and get charter planes and visit little airstrips to get from A to B. I’m a pilot and I’d let you get on with a Micro Uzi and ten magazines loaded with hollowpoints. I just dont care, I do racially profile, I’d certainly treat obvious Arabs / Muslims different tah upstanding white folk.
You can not judge all the TSA employees by the actions of one. I know several TSA employees and they are as dedicated to protecting this country as any military man or woman. Cut them some slack.
None of the families of the victims of 911 are laughing at this crap. Stop being an A-Hole and jamming up the line and making an already thankless job harder. I hope you get marked for extra screening every time you fly
Loved your story! Thanks for brightening my day. My husband flies for a large airline and always has stories of the inane things that people pass off under the auspices of “security”. What a joke.
I do not blame the TSA, they are just doing their jobs.
Some people just get too power hungry.
Also some people are just lemmings and will follow whatever they are told to do.
This is why we are in the position we are in regarding our government.
Give them too much power and abuses are a certainty.
Thanks for the laugh!
I fly a lot and have seen and heard some pretty strange things in regards to TSA. Flying in general has become a very unpleasant experience, which is why many people just don’t do it anymore if they don’t absolutely have to. There are many things that do not make sense to me. Like spending so much time searching some old lady whose prosthetic hip went off in the metal detector, while numerous foreign speaking and turbin wearing guys walk right past her. We can’t do profiling, but we can harrass some poor old lady.
Recently, my husband had just gone through airport security and was putting on his belt. Obviously this irritated some young woman that was trying to get through the line. She was slamming her stuff around. My husband told her to calm down. She shoved him. My husband called her a bitch, which she was. Suddenly a security officer jumps all over my husband, while this woman strolls on by. We tried to explain to the TSA guy what had happened and he begin shouting at us to leave the security area. Everyone was looking at us. I felt humiliated and we didn’t even do anything wrong.
There should be a big sign at the Airport. “You will lose all your rights as an American when you pass through these doors.” Do not speak. Take off your glasses, clothes, shoes, etc as instructed. Do not question anything. Do not raise your voice. Do not eat or drink. Do not laugh. Do not protest or you will be shoved to the ground and handcuffed.
It is out of control! I commend David for having the balls to take a stand.
Deb: Any security officer who shouts at or in any way reacts as this officer did to your husband could lose his or her job if reported to management. Had you asked for a supervisor or manager and this been reported, that officer would have received a counseling statement (as a minimum) that would be placed in their file and if such behavior is repeated, a disciplinary action,up to and including termination, would result. You must understand every workplace has good and bad employees. As for screening everyone the same, the terrorists are recruiting children, people with disabilities, and the elderly. How do we know for sure that anyone, regardless of age, gender, or any other factor, is not acting as a “mule”, attempting to bypass security? I would like to think that it is more important for the aircraft to depart and arrive safely, than to forget the screening process, and just let happen what will.
You can still file a customer service complaint about that incident by contacting TSA at TSA.gov.
Ok, they have their little flying circus at the airports these days. I have a quick suggestion for everyone who flies commercial. Apply for one of the airline quick pass, in which you give up a bunch of information that the gov already has on file, and you get a priority pass that whisks you through the security lines with minimal fuss… Do it on Thursday, Everyone. If that don’t bring the airline industry to its knees, along with this stupid TSA idiocy, nothing will.
Post 9/11, no one will ever hi-jack an airplane again… Passengers won’t permit it to happen again. Check out how many people have been subdued by their fellow passengers for being “disruptive.”
“They who give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” Words this country was built on, and will be broken with.
hahaha hahahaha hahaha hahaha
hahaha so why are you really wearing shades in an airport???huh ?? are you insecure about being identified about what you might have been under the influence of??? hahaha are your eyes dilated? hahahaha
what else you got there missy?-another stash to keep your high up??? hahahahahaha
and what else are you hiding to ensure your stash does not get confiscated hahahahahahaha youre busted
hah, best blog ever. truly hilarious that they labeled you as a potential threat and then acted like your water bottle was a friekin hand grenade.
one time i had a similar experience when i was told that i couldn’t have my skateboard but the excuse was that it counted as a carry-on and i already had one. sunglasses, though! i’d understand if they needed you to take them off to compare your eyes with your liscensce but still.
when i read that i had what i call a LOLocaust, which is when you laugh so long that you would need to type LOL like 400,000 times or about one time for each american death in world war 2 (hence the holocaust in LOLocaust.)
P.S i mean no offense to any jewish bros or bras or to anyone whos friends or family died in WW2 (stupid Nazis should all be burned until not even ashes remain)
i have to worry about things like traveling with snowboards or surfboards so much that i’d probably die of laughter if someone told me my sunglasses were illegal, no, better yet, that my gatorade was a dangerous weapon for super secret reasons!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
too bad i don’t really wear glasses of any kind… maybe they’ll tell me that if i don’t take off my hat i will be an official enemy of the U.S government hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
LOL-ROFL-ROFL-LOl-LMAO
A few years later, and not much has changed. A 5 year old (give or take, I’m relying on my memory) is detained because she’s on the no fly list. Rather an ADULT with the same name is. A FIVE YEAR OLD–REALLY???
Random quotes/comments:
“Water bottle? Could be a dangerous chemical.”
Which is why the author was wholly willing to chug it in ront of the TSA agent.
“A terrorist isn’t going to raise hell about his sunglasses. It’s stupid to think someone is a threat when they’re making a fuss, when a real threat would do as much (or as little) as possible to go through undetected.”
Absolutely 110% true. If I’m trying to break the law, I’m NOT going to draw attention to myself. But we’re conditioned to think that scene-causers are threats
“It’s the same as refusing to do what an officer tells you to do”
Last I checked, you did have the right to know which law you’re violating if you’re being detained by a cop. You also have the right to refuse to cooperate with an officer. If one asks to search your vehicle, without justification (ie reasonable suspicion/probable cause)–and if they’re asking, they don’t have it–you can say no. They may follow up with a warrant, but without RS/PC, you can’t be detained. If I’m out late, in a bad neighborhood, and just happen to be an ethnic minority, but NOT doing anything wrong–not doing anything but walking home–a cop may ask me to stop and talk to me. But based on ONLY THAT (assume I don’t legitimately match the description o someone wanted for questioning/arrest), they can’t FORCE me to comply. Don’t be a sheep–know your rights.
“have the intelligence to realize that the precaution is for yours and every one elses’ safety.”
Bull **** . Making eye contact does nothing to guarantee safety. A terrorist may well make eye contact, but people with certain mental disorders, and those from other cultures may seek to avoid it, for no other reason than it makes them extremely uncomfortable, or is (in their culture) a sign of disrespect. How does drinking a (thus far unopened) bottle of water, BEFORE getting on the plane guarantee my safety? Or eating a sandwich (as another commenter mentioned) BEFORE getting on the plane? And yet, people still manage to bring knives on planes (20 of 22 tests FAILED), which ultimately COULD jeopardise my safety. Honestly? Get a clue.
“Civil disobedience is one effective way to fight the government’s ridiculous laws and regulations. Will those who say you should have just taken your glasses off repeat the rhetoric when asked to submit to finger prints, retina scans, a DNA sample, your clothes, or to interrogation? I think the answer would be yes. People who blindly bow to authority without question or challenge have always existed. That’s how the last Nazi’s managed to be so evil.”
A perfect comment.
“Having to take off sunglasses or answer questions is not a sign of fascism. ”
And the bull **** with not being allowed to drink the water OFF THE PLANE? What, pray tell, do you call THAT?
“Did you expect for them to break out a bloody carved in stone code for your convenience? Just because you do not know the law, does not make it, not the law.”
Actually, asking to be shown the law is not terribly unreasonable. And no, it needn’t be carved in stone. Printed in ink on paper is more than sufficient. And them SAYING it’s the law? Doesn’t MAKE it a law. “It’s the law” is probably a rote response to people questioning ANYTHING, whether it IS the law or not. Because idiots like you will back down and mumble ‘Oh okay’ when they hear it, no matter how utterly flipping RIDICULOUS the “law” in question is. Btw, if the “law” becomes that you must be strip searched before boarding a plane, how compliant will you b then? You’re not a civil libertarian–you’re a wannabe.
“Most people do not know that agents who originally
signed up with TSA did so because they had a family member, friend, co-worker with whom they lost on 9/11.”
So… they have a vendetta and are now given a position o power. Doesn’t make me feel real secure, thanks
“If TSA is doing such a lousy job and is nothing more than “inmates running the asylum”, why aren’t our airliners being hijacked, taken over, and blown up?”
There have only been 7 instances of flights out of the US having been hijacked since 1950 (59 years!!!). Three of them occurred in the 70s. Correlation does not equal causation (ie: The TSA screening is not necessarily the reason for the lack of hijackings. It is, and has been, a rare occurrence to begin with).
“I do racially profile, I’d certainly treat obvious Arabs / Muslims different tah upstanding white folk.”
I REALLY hope this is sarcasm. Btw, the 7 incidents mentioned immediately above? 5 were perpetrated by AMERICANS.
“You can not judge all the TSA employees by the actions of one. I know several TSA employees and they are as dedicated to protecting this country as any military man or woman. Cut them some slack.”
My guess is, they’re not acting like douchebags and therefore not subject to the author’s vitriol.
Sorry for the longwindedness, and I know that most people Im commenting on/to wont see this, but at least I’ve said my bit now
[…] David Gagne explains his latest run-in with False Authority Syndrome. […]