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A Great Speech

July 24th, 2000 @ 8:27 pm PDT

Well I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy,
the small of a woman’s back,
the hanging curveball,
high fiber, good scotch,
that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, over-rated crap.
I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
I believe there oughta be a Constitutional Amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter.
I believe in the “sweet spot”, soft-core pornography, open your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve,
and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.
Good night.
Crash Davis

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