davidgagne.net

Shamalamadingdong! What a FABULOUS IDEA! I can picture it now …

1. Anger Mondays: These would be wonderful! I could just spend all day being royally rotten and mean to everyone! I could ridicule without remorse! I could tease and taunt and bullyrag and vex at will! I could say whatever the hell I wanted and not care who was crushed! I could … well … I guess I do that anyway. All right. So Mondays would be a wash. That’s okay! There’s always …
2. Lust Tuesday: I could flirt with every person I meet! I could think of nothing but sex sex sex all day long … er … okay. So Lust Tuesdays would be rather similar to regular Tuesdays. Maybe I could try to be more overt about it? No. I don’t think I could. Damn.
3. Pride Wednesday: Oh I could really get into this one! Hump day? Hump me day! Wednesdays are for reminding you how much cooler I am than you! I will spend each Wednesday talking incessantly about how terrific I am! I will feel all-powerful and walk as if I’m taller than everyone I see! I could ramble about things that are important only to me and assume everyone else cares! Crap. I do all that anyway. No matter! I will do it with zest!
4. Envy Thursday: A fine day! I can just groove on how much I wish I had any sort of design skills! I can loathe all you creative uber web designers and your ability to use that damn chunk of the other side of your brain that I don’t have! I will boil every time I see you do something funnier than me! I will … I will … oh man. I do this all the time. This is starting to get annoying.
5. Gluttony Friday: ahHA! I know gluttony. Me and gluttony are simpatico, brother! Fridays will be spent getting FAT and drinking and doing whatever the hell I want and lots of it! Waitresses and bartenders will fear me on Fridays! I will be a consuming whore! I can … Dude. Okay. I will act like I do every other damn day of the week.
6. Avarice Saturday: Oooh! Avarice! Scrooge McDuck! I can do that! I can rub it in your face! I can tell you how awesome it is to be a computer programmer in the year 2000. I will make you squirm with my thorough knowledge of all things computery! I will mock your lame attempts at utilizing computers to their full potential! I will roll around in a bed full of comfy sheets! Oh all right. Yeah. I already do that every day, too.
7. Sloth Sunday: Lazy? You want lazy?! I can be lazy. I can do nothing for hours at a time! I can waste endless hours staring at the monitor and chatting with people all over the world. I can not start writing a book! I won’t even think of picking up my guitar! I’ll read the last page of Sports Illustrated three times and then leave the magazine on the back of the toilet! I won’t take out the trash!

Dude. I’m going to hell.