On my desk right now is a football-shaped bowl of Willy Wonka‘s Everlasting Gobstoppers. I poured three entire boxes into the bowl a few days ago and am now in trouble. You see, I’ve been methodically eating them by color. I started with red and then went to orange. The problem is that now there are only purple, yellow, and green remaining. I had been planning on eating the green ones next. If I do that, though, then there will only be LSU colors left in the bowl. They are an SEC rival, so I just can’t do that. I can try to think of them as the Lakers, but I just don’t care enough about basketball … and the Tigers will still be in the back of my mind. I can’t eat the purple ones because that would leave yellow and green and that’s just hideous. I can’t eat the yellow ones because then there will only be green and purple and that’s even worse. I’m thinking that the best course of action in this situation is to just put the whole bowl on Molly’s desk.
You *could* eat two colors at a time…preferably the yellow and purple ones, so in effect you are eating LSU. Hopefully they won’t give you indigestion.
Or you could eat the green ones one at a time until you dissolve them down to a red layer. And then put them back in the bowl.
ARRRGH and then some poor soul will come by and grab the ‘red’ ones.
Something similar happened when I was little, my father was eating some chicken off my little sisters plate after she was full. He remarked on how dry they were. She responded “Duh! I sucked all the juice out of them!”
The look on his face was priceless.
Easy answer… more Gobstoppers!
Hi David,
I’m new to your blog and that former company for which you used to work. I hear stories about you all of the time. We chatted once on messenger shortly after I started there.
Here’s what I have to say about your candy.
For starters, I’m from Louisiana. Although my alma mater colors were blue and gold, your three remaining colors are also reticent of Mardi Gras with their own meanings: purple represents justice; green, faith; and gold, power. Maybe that will help remove the LSU stigma from your mind. Although the link below, may put it back there again. LOL
Read this interesting excerpt about your rival, LSU and how they chose their colors:
http://www.mardigrasneworleans.com/mgcolors.html
Ah, so that’s why the bowl ended up on Molly’s desk. And she didn’t even go to LSU–she’s an Ohio State Fan. By the way, the framed Gator photos that you hung over her desk may be compliant with Company rules, but they stretch the rules of decency, even for an insane Gator fan like you.
Are you retarded? Like are you serious? There are starving people in India and here you are bitching about these &*$#in’ colors. I hope you contract mad cow and die a slow, painful death. May the plague be an ever good blight on your damned soul. Oh, and I also did your mom last night.