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What is an appropriate metaphor for Dick Cheney?

Colbert: Dick Cheney is a lioness protecting America’s cubs from the laughing hyenas of the left while the poachers of internationalism sharpen their guns … knives.

Penn: Dick Cheney is the spinster left at the altar looking out her dirty window at the happy lives of the laughing girls in their calico prints, knowing that her only pleasure will be the evening bath she draws from the moisture of George Bush’s soiled and blood-soaked underwear.

from Sean Penn v. Stephen Colbert in a Meta-Free-Phor-All