This song has always rubbed me the wrong way. I can’t imagine even three hundred years ago that anyone would want to have a home overflowing with birds, especially around the holidays. Today it’s simply unacceptable. Choosing the five best options here was hard work.
- #1 Five Gold Rings
- #2 Six Geese a-Laying
I’m not a fan of having geese wandering around the house, but I presume you can eat the eggs, right? So. Free eggs!
- #3 TIE: Eight Maids a-Milking
Again, I am not going to be happy about having to care for eight gd cows. But… Free milk! (And it would probably be at least somewhat handy to have eight strong-armed women at home.)
- #3 TIE: Nine Ladies Dancing
Are they dancing constantly? They’re going to burn a lot of calories; at least we’ll have plenty of eggs and milk for them.
- #5 Ten Lords a-Leaping
I needed five items for the list so grabbing the men seems like a good idea because they can dance with the nine ladies and hopefully help deal with the cows. And really they’re the only other option I’d even remotely want to entertain. (So many damn birds! Who could possibly handle taking care of all those creatures? No thank you, Santa.)