Can we just talk for a second about how much I hate United Airlines? I would really like to buy a ticket from them. And I want to do it right now. They send me personalized eMails with special discount rates because I’m a “Mileage Plus” member. But y’know what? I can’t. Do you know why I can’t? I can’t because I don’t know my “Mileage Plus” account number. That is just idiotic.
If you try to join the “Mileage Plus” program you are required to enter:
- your full name,
- your full address (including country),
- your phone number,
- your eMail address,
- your password,
- your (I’m not kidding!) dad’s birthday,
- your favorite sports team,
- your city of birth,
- and the $#%@^ name of the last school you attended.
And it saves all of this information. So if you don’t have your #%^@& “Mileage Plus” account number, you can’t re-register, because it will say, “Sorry, but you’re already a member.” When you go to the password retrieval screen – y’know, like, on a whim, for funsies – y’know what you have to enter? That’s right. Your “Mileage Plus” account number is required. (Special note to the web designer at United.com: Hey! You f*&#% idiot! You’re telling me that if I tell you my account number, you’ll tell me my password, but not the other way around? That makes tons of sense.) And y’know what else you can’t do with United? You can’t telephone someone to get your account number. Not on the weekends at least. No, that department is only open on weekdays. Look. I want to buy a damn ticket! I even want to fly on United.
But y’know what? I already have 6,000 numbers memorized and I wasn’t about to bother to commit my United.com “Mileage Plus” account number to memory; so I’m going to click over to Delta.com. Y’know what they have there? (Amazing but true.) A genius who thought to give me a cookie that remembers my Delta SkyMiles number. And y’know what else? The greater genius to enable me to retrieve that number – on line! – if I delete the cookie or am on another computer.
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