Posts tagged “quotations”

“I couldn’t get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a case of bananas!”
overheard at the AoS this weekend

“From now on, I will not try to reason with the idiots I encounter. I will dismiss them by waving my paw and saying, ‘Bah.'” Dogbert

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let’s say you’re an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he’s not Dracula, but you can just say, “Think again, bat man.”
from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

“If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn’t.”
Lyall Watson, from the July 2000 issue of Discover

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable — until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!
from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey