I just ate a fortune cookie. My fortune read, “You are the master of every situation.”
I don’t think that’s a fortune. Is it just me, or didn’t fortune cookies used to contain fortunes? It seems that all the ones I get lately just tell me some lame, self-affirming nugget of nonsense.

“You are wise and kind.”
“You make others smile.”

I want a fortune that tells me something I don’t know.

“You should avoid the 405 on the way home tonight.”
“Beware the bald man.”
“Bet on the Redskins”

Those are fortunes I could use, y’know?

Who the hell is in charge of writing fortune cookie inserts anyway?
… heads to askjeeves.com …

There are 3 comments on this post

  1. Hey, I know a guy from NJ (of course) who actually got an advertisement in his cookie. He was so pissed that he complained and they gave him a free dessert

  2. Why haven’t fortune cookies come into the Twenty First Century? Why, oh why, can’t we have existentialist fortunes?

    That would rock.

  3. I’ve also noticed the actual lack of fortune in fortune cookies. To make the “lame, self-affirming nuggets of nonsense” a little more exciting, add “in bed” to the ending of everything you read.

    Example would be..
    “You are wise and kind, in bed.”
    “You make others smile, in bed.”

    If you were to actually get a real fortune though, using your “Beware the bald man…” as an example, the “in bed” part maybe wouldn’t work so well. 🙂

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