It Ought to Be Easier

It’s really hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that Tim might not make it in the NFL. It seems absurd to me. When my alarm rang at six this morning, there was a text waiting for me that read, “Heard Tebow was cut from NPR before ESPN.” My first thought was that finally he’d be free of the dumpster fire that is the NY Jets. But by the time I was a mile into my run all that was on my mind was my mom.

She adored Timmy, of course. All he did was win. And he was is a Gator. And he’s a good Christian boy. And he didn’t cheat or play dirty or showboat or do anything like that. He put his whole heart and soul into every game and he bulldozed his way through defenses like a dump truck, driven by passion. How could she not love a guy like that? How could anyone not love a guy like that?

And I was thinking about how hard every day has been since she died. It’s impossible — still, after almost nine months — for me to not instinctively reach for my phone to call her a few dozen times each day. I’m sure at some point that will fade, but for now it just sucks that off-season news about an NFL quarterback can bring me to tears.

I just didn’t have the motivation to get into a groove, and headed home after just a few miles.

Here is the quick hit list of songs I heard while running:

• It Ought to Be Easier — Lovett, Lyle
• Behind the Wheel (live) — Depeche Mode
• The King of Bedside Manor — Barenaked Ladies
• How’s My Driving, Doug Hastings? — Less Than Jake
• Walk of Life — Dire Straits
• Brand New Lover — Dead or Alive
• Bruises — Chairlift