Horoscope January 26th, 2001 @ 10:18 am PST
Here is my [somewhat odd] horoscope for today: Cancer is ready to withdraw into a rich private world. You’re intimidated by the abrupt and the unfamiliar. Just remember that those people who care will miss you in your absence.
My Horoscope January 16th, 2001 @ 9:16 am PST
Here is my horoscope for today: The challenges are so persistent that it’s as if the Universe wants you to fail. Perhaps you’re traveling in the wrong direction on a one-way street. Listen closely to get the meaning of what your partner is telling you.
Horoscope January 15th, 2001 @ 8:13 am PST
My horoscope for today: You want to eat, but no one is serving yet. Cancer’s priorities mean little to those who are wrapped up in their own issues. If a collaborative effort is going nowhere, put your heart and soul into a solo venture.
Horoscope January 11th, 2001 @ 10:03 am PST
My horoscope for today: Showing off provides momentary amusement. Someone here is a little too serious for the usual diversions. Listen to your instincts when handling a sensitive matter. … er … ok. Duly noted.
Page Blocking January 10th, 2001 @ 9:11 am PST
I find it incredibly amusing that my company’s proxy server prohibits me from visiting swoon.com, an astrology site, but has no problem letting me browse All About My Vagina.
Two from The Onion October 18th, 2000 @ 11:58 am PDT
Two from The Onion: This Week’s Horoscopes Major secrets revealed: The Beatles Anthology
Mafia September 5th, 2000 @ 10:28 pm PDT
If youse thinks you might needa be ableta find out a little, y’know, bit aboutcha futcha – ‘cuz youse might thinks you gots somethin’ to be ‘fraida – youse should check out Mafia Palm Readings, capisce?
lunch August 1st, 2000 @ 9:34 pm PDT
I had lunch with Gretchen and Bob on Tuesday. It was stir-fry day at the HSND cafeteria. My fortune cookie said: “You will have a good luck and overcome many hardships.” A good luck? What the hell does that mean? And since when do fortune cookies come with “Lucky Numbers”?!
Horoscope June 23rd, 2000 @ 1:29 pm PDT
Reason #84235 Why I Don’t Read Horoscopes Often: Cancer (June 21-July 22): Personally, I’m glad I didn’t end up spending my adult life in the neighborhood I grew up in. Some folks thrive on that version of long-term community, but it would have been stifling to me. I’d hate trying to keep evolving while straightjacketed […]