Posts tagged “jokes”
- A man in Canada’s far north leapt on to a polar bear to protect his wife from being mauled, police say. – via Crooked Media (threads / bluesky)
- I love this quote: “[Software bugs] are a lot like prime numbers. There are always more, but after you find the first couple billion they do thin out quite a bit.” – via @philcrissman (threads / bluesky)
- It’s a good idea to occasionally revisit the story of Roger and Elaine.
- Mark Ruffalo sounds like the name a dog would give if he was pretending to be a man. – via @the.yael
- Need to buy something for someone you can’t stand? Check out My Heinous Gift Guide for Sworn Enemies. And note that you don’t actually have to stay on Twitter. – both via Laura Olin (threads / bluesky)
Jonathan Edward Durham is a good follow on threads and/or bluesky.- Your Local Epidemiologist is a super informative newsletter that translates complicated health news, especially about viruses and colds.
- 19 Useful Mac Startup Keyboard Shortcuts You Should Know
- What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop! – via 172 Corny Jokes To Tell To Kids You Love
Jokes are democratic. Telling one right has nothing to do with having money or being educated. It’s a knack, like hammering a nail straight. Anyone can learn it, and it’s useful in all sorts of situations. You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy.
Garrison Keillor
A boy is hitchhiking on a country road. A car stops for him, and the driver asks, “Are you a Republican or a Democrat?”
“Democrat,” says the boy, and the car speeds off.
Another car stops, and the driver asks, “Are you a Republican or a Democrat?”
“Democrat,” says the boy, and the car speeds off.
This happens two or three times, and the boy decides he’s giving the wrong answer. The next car that stops is a convertible driven by a beautiful blonde. “Are you a Republican or a Democrat?” she asks.
“Republican,” says the boy, and she lets him in.
But as they’re driving along, the wind from the open top begins to push the blonde’s skirt higher and higher up her legs. And the boy finds himself becoming aroused. Finally he can’t control himself any longer. “Stop!” he hollers. “Let me out! I’ve only been a Republican for ten minutes and already I feel like screwing somebody!”
from Republican Party Reptile, by P.J. O’Rourke, 1987
So a Frog Walks into a Bank …
So a frog walks into a bank one afternoon and stands in line for a little while until finally a teller is available. He looks at her name tag and sees her name is Patricia Whack. “Hello, Miss Whack,” he croaks. “My name is Kermit and I’m here to get a loan.” “You’re the Kermit
Rough Times for 49ers Fans
A man walks into a bar with a cat in his arms and asks the bartender if the cat can stay. Grudgingly, the bartender agrees to let the cat sit on a bar stool, and he then turns on the 49ers game. When the 49ers kick a field goal, the cat just goes wild, jumping
Funny Comedy Jokes!
Davezilla — a site I’ve read for so long that I can no longer remember when I started reading it, which means it’s probably since before you even knew there was an internet — was feeling down in the dumps a few days ago. He asked his readers to raise his spirits. People started posting
Why do elephants wear small green hats?
Today marks my 2500th day of blogging. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate than with two lovely collections of elephant jokes. I love elephant jokes. And while you’re enjoying these elephant jokes, why not make a donation to The Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee? What a fine thing to do on a Wednesday
Mad Cow Disease
So these two cows are out in a field, chewing the cud. One of them looks over and says, “So … what do you make of all this ‘mad cow disease’ nonsense?”
Puns
Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot ’round the world. Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a
Good Puns
Three excellent puns, via eMail, from my mom: I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. Without geometry, life is pointless. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.