Posts tagged “fortune cookies”

A few weeks ago I wrote about how annoying it is to get an “affirmation cookie” instead of one with an actual fortune. Well at lunch today one of my co-workers got what we thought was a horribly rude fortune cookie. Instead of the usual mindless drivel, instead of even a useless affirmation, the “directive” cookie he received at California Wok read, “Work on improving your exercise routine.” Ouch.

For a long time now my friends and I have been complaining about “affirmation cookies”. Fortune cookies just aren’t as cool as they used to be. It seems like all the fortunes we get now have messages that aren’t… well… fortunes. Instead they say things like, “You are a kind person,” or, “People respect you.” Don’t give me that crap. Tell me not to get on the 405 on my way home, or that I’m going to have an adventure this weekend, or even to beware the bald man.

Yesterday I got my first fortune fortune cookie in years. It read:

You will never need to worry about a steady income.

That’s certainly nice to hear. Of course… it could mean that I’m about to get a life sentence for a crime I didn’t commit, or get hit by a bus. But I’ll try to be optimistic about it.

I just ate a fortune cookie. My fortune read, “You are the master of every situation.”
I don’t think that’s a fortune. Is it just me, or didn’t fortune cookies used to contain fortunes? It seems that all the ones I get lately just tell me some lame, self-affirming nugget of nonsense.

“You are wise and kind.”
“You make others smile.”

I want a fortune that tells me something I don’t know.

“You should avoid the 405 on the way home tonight.”
“Beware the bald man.”
“Bet on the Redskins”

Those are fortunes I could use, y’know?

<mumbling>
Who the hell is in charge of writing fortune cookie inserts anyway?
</mumbling>
…heads to askjeeves.com…