spam

I can’t possibly be the only one that’s received the ridiculous-but-oh-so-earnest spam from the alleged Dr. Sule Ibrahim, Director of Project Implementation for Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation. Let me know if you got it, too! We could start a little club! It would be ultra-secret, and you can only be a member if you received this piece of spam. We’ll have secret handshakes and a treehouse and oh boy!

Hi!
You have no idea who I am, but I have this file here that I thought you could double-click for me to install a virus on your computer that I would like your advice on.
Thanks,
me

Grrr … and, even though I can access GreyMatter to post, for some reason the folks at AT&T have determined that davidgagne.net is a porn site or something. The Public Phone 2000i won’t let me view my own page. So. I guess I’ll go read Rolling Stone. The paper, handheld, old-fashioned version. In a chair. At the airport. Bah.

The faq page at the site for Lady-Vi Cream has a wealth of information. Answers to questions like, “What is an Orgasm?” and tutorials, such as “How A Woman Achieves Orgasm” could make the whole “birds and the bees” conversation obsolete!

I visited the site for The Nobel Prize in Physiology for Medicine for 1998 and found no mention of Lady-Vi, creams, orgasms, or … well … anything about mass-marketed, Jerry Springer-esque, sex-enhancing products. Maybe Lady-Vi should reconsider how they associate themselves with the Nobel Foundation. They should also reconsider their use of explode as an imperative. “Explode your sex life!” I’d like to explode their web site. I’d like to explode their spam-sending eMail administrators who sent me the link to their site in the first place. Explode. Why don’t I just impact them? Supposably that’s what I axed for. Morons.

They even have the audacity to write, “Please no mail bombs, legit removal,” in their message. Are they trying to imply that this mass-spamming is a respectable, reputable form of advertising? Mail worldnetvision2@excite.com and tell them their spam is annoying. Tell them to stop mass eMailing. Tell them anything. But please be rude about it.

When you get an eMail petition, think DELETE!

Binary Spam: Send Some Today!
<dave letterman>It doesn’t get any better than this, folks.</dave letterman>

Received Today:

Subject: Planes, Trains, & Automobiles! What do they all have in common?

They all need SUPERIOR LUBRICATION!!

From a very poorly-worded letter from an insurance company:

Mr. Gagne, your benefits can include:
Death …
Disability …
Unemployment …
Knowing the Gagne family will not lose their home no matter what the tragedy

er … uh … thanks …

Thanks to the invention of the Internet, anyone can now market their ideas and products to millions of people. Imagine having a product or idea and selling it for only $10. Now imagine sending an ad for your product or idea to 25 million people! If you only get a 1/10 of 1% response you have just made $250,000 !!!

The fact that someone is sending this at 3:18 am is almost as whacked as the fact that there are people who will reply. Those facts combined are not nearly as whacked as the fact that I was sitting here at 3:18 am and wondered what had just popped into my Inbox. Those three previous facts only barely scratch the amount of whacked that describes my odd-but-undeniable desire to blog that.

Here’s all I will blog about the I Love You virus.

I got a letter today from the ACLU. It began, “Dear Friend of Freedom:” It went on to tell me that I had earned the right to be a card-carrying member of the ACLU. It even came with a card! I’m so glad I bought that shredder a few weeks ago. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love the ACLU as much as any other political party that sends me snail-mail SPAM … but SPAM is SPAM is SPAM is SPAM …