Posts tagged “jokes”

Funny Stuff I Get in My Inbox

New comedy added to Funny Stuff I Get in My Inbox!


A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. He says, “Doc, what the hell’s the matter with me?” The psychiatrist looks him up and down and replies, “Well, you’re just not eating properly.”


A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m eighty years old, married, have four kids and eleven grandchildren, and last night I had an affair and I made love to two eighteen-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice.” And the priest says, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were


Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was buttering up his teacher.

The New New

I hear that left is the new right. Oh, and almost-white is the new black. Awake is the new asleep. New jokes are also the new knock-knock jokes. Shutting up is the new posting.


Patient: Nurse, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes! Nurse: Have you seen a doctor? Patient: No, just spots!

Elephant Joke

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?


A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables around his neck. He growls at the bartender, “I want a shot of whiskey and I want it now!” The bartender pours him his drink, hands it to him, and says, “OK, just don’t start anything.” <rimshot>


Firda has a couple of hysterical jokes about ducks. They both had me in stitches even though I originally heard them somewhere around sixth grade.


A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks the bartender for two beers. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, sir, but I can only serve one beer per customer.” The man looks at the bartender and replies, “No, it’s okay. I want one for me and one for

What Is This? is the personal weblog of me, David Vincent Gagne. I've been publishing here since 1999, which makes this one of the oldest continuously-updated websites on the Internet.

A few years ago I was trying to determine what cocktails I could make with the alcohol I had at home. I searched the App Store but couldn't find an app that would let me do that, so I built one.


You can read dozens of essays and articles and find hundreds of links to other sites with stories and information about Ernest Hemingway in The Hemingway Collection.