I'm very good at integral and differential calculus.

May 10th, 2003 @ 12:32 pm
Typing Monkeys

Give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, the theory goes, and they will eventually produce the works of Shakespeare. Give six monkeys one computer for a month, and they will make a mess.

July 30th, 2001 @ 5:19 pm
ApeCrap

I am sad to report that the ‘new’ Planet of the Apes is possibly one of the top five worst movies I’ve ever seen. The audience was phenomenal. The special effects were mind-blowing. The acting was honestly ‘not that bad’. The audience was phenomenal. The theater sound system and projection was state-of-the-art. The trailers were […]

June 8th, 2001 @ 7:56 am
Determined Chimp

If the space program teaches us anything about electroshock conditioning, it’s that a strong mind can get past it. Enos, a 39-pound chimpanzee, was trained with the technique to run through the routine he’d need to complete the first primate orbiting of the Earth. During months of training, if he pulled a switch or lever […]

May 16th, 2001 @ 6:25 am
Monkey Man!

Panic-Hit City Hunts ‘Ape-Like’ Attacker! ‘Monkey Man’ Hysteria Grips New Delhi Suburbs! New Delhi (Reuters) – Fear gripped some suburbs of the Indian capital on Tuesday after dozens of residents reported attacks by an ape-like creature able to leap from roof to roof. Media reports said that the collective hysteria claimed a second life early […]

May 11th, 2001 @ 11:42 am
Monkey Business

There’s a reason we call him “Crazy” Uncle Joe. The Uncle’s Monkey is the best … meme? … thing? … idea? … game? … joke? … on the internet. Have you been following Little Joey Tio’s antics?

February 12th, 2001 @ 2:13 pm
Guess The Evil Dictator

Guess The Evil Dictator / Sit-Com Character is kind of funny if you have a few minutes. Here is a line from the FAQ: How does this work? Monkeys. Lots and lots of monkeys. Actually, version 1 was written in C, used a flat file database, and a lot of recursion. Version 2 was written […]

November 6th, 2000 @ 11:37 am
Helping Hands Monkeys

Monkeys Abound: Helping Hands is a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for quadriplegic individuals by training capuchin monkeys to assist them with daily activities. There was, coincidentally, a capuchin monkey at the party I attended Saturday night. Cookie Monster and a llama were there as well, but there was nothing coincidental […]

October 30th, 2000 @ 8:38 am
Joke

A lady who lived in Los Angeles had two pet monkeys of which she was very fond. One of them took sick and died. A couple of days later the other one died of a broken heart. Wishing to keep them, the kindly lady took them to a taxidermist. The man, seeing how much she […]

August 8th, 2000 @ 7:46 am
strange jewelry

Ryan would probably like this charming piece of jewelry.

July 31st, 2000 @ 5:57 pm
Instant Monkeys

I really can’t stress enough how much I love to get instant monkeys.

July 17th, 2000 @ 10:35 am
A Very Crazy Toy

A toy which simulates the castration of a monkey when the temperature drops. No. Really.

June 28th, 2000 @ 9:16 am
Planet of the Apes Latex Prosthetic

Ryan is going to have to buy a Planet of the Apes Latex Prosthetic for Halloween this year. I know he will. He can’t resist the call of the monkey … OF DOOM!.

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“I couldn’t get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a case of bananas!”
overheard at the AoS this weekend

June 14th, 2000 @ 8:12 am
MetaCamPage

I finally updated the MetaCamPage: added the boobcam, moved the rows … In other news: added a link to one of my favorite sites to the sidebar over there, Instant Monkeys – I love Instant Monkeys! Send me one! I also decided to see what your favorite beverage is. Vote in the sidebar. I’ll post […]

April 27th, 2000 @ 2:05 pm
Monkey

News about Jason‘s monkey:The monkey is currently wanted for manslaughter in Idaho, arms smuggling in South Dakota, first-degree murder in Missouri, treason in South Carolina, reckless endangerment in Georgia, a hit-and-run in Kentucky, contributing to local folklore in Maryland, first-degree murder in Pennsylvania, product tampering in Illinois, and violating fish and wildlife regulations in Utah.

April 26th, 2000 @ 11:40 am
Furious George

I swore I wouldn’t link to Furious George because I’ve already seen it linked everywhere else in Bloggerville. But when I went there and got this message: “The monkey releases a horde of killer bees into the ventilation system of a crowded office building in Providence, Rhode Island,” I knew I had to tell everyone […]

April 12th, 2000 @ 9:29 pm
links

Okay … yes I mercilessly am blogging something from www.packetmonkeys.net twice in a row. The previous one was terrible, but maybe it was because it was a non-monkey-themed page. I guess if he sticks to chimps he’s okay. (This is one of the funniest sites I’ve seen in weeks.)